Karma

It was one of those extremely fortunate occurrences that happen without warning. At the time, the uniqueness of the event doesn’t strike you as out of the ordinary, but reflecting on it later, you wonder how it ever came about, the time you met your soul mate.

Things had been going pretty well of late. I had recently survived a close brush with the maker and to me it seemed like eons since this had happened and I had just begun to get over it. Of course, I had never forgiven myself for the irresponsible way I had acted and I deserved to suffer for this for a lifetime but I guess I had been looked favorably upon by the good Lord and came through with just a few scars. This encounter had changed me forever though it was all for the good and looking back, I actually thank my stars for this experience.

As these thoughts flitted casually through me, I noticed her. There was something different about her. She looked so pure and gentle. And yet, I could sense sadness in her. I was drawn to her and desperately wanted to protect her from whatever it is that was troubling her. This was a new feeling for me and took me by surprise.

She turned slightly and caught me staring. A small smile lit up her face making it more enchanting. It was hard to imagine that she could be more beautiful but her smile radiated energy and sweetness all at the same time. Caught unawares, I had no recourse but to smile back, a guiltier one and nothing compared to the one she had just bestowed me with. She didn’t seem to mind though and she went back to what she was doing not realizing that she had had such an effect on me.

This brief meeting had a profound effect on me and I was unable to get her out of my mind for a long time. I looked for her many a time after this but our paths were not destined to cross so soon.

It was many years later and I had just started going to the meditation classes, which was being offered nearby. I had my eyes closed when I felt something brush past me. I looked up and there she was. She was unchanged from the first time I saw her and looked exactly like I had her imprinted in my mind. A momentary flicker of recognition might have gone through her eyes but it was too quick to tell for sure. For me, it was a godsend. I was determined not to let this opportunity pass me once more.

She picked a spot in the far back corner of the room and closed her eyes. I did the same but I was in turmoil. I had to do something but what? I wasn’t sure. I felt weak and elated and the feelings that had swept me the first time went through me all over again. Once the class was over, I saw her talking with our instructor and I waited quietly by the door. She finally finished her discussion and walked towards me. I was blocking the door slightly and she paused and looked quizzically at me. I gave a quick nervous smile and I guess I must have said something since she seemed to be responding. She had a lilting musical voice and I tried hard to concentrate on what she was saying which was proving to be quite difficult.

“I think it really helps me clear my thoughts,” she said. I took control of myself and replied, “Yes, this is one of the most relaxing exercises for me too”. “You look familiar. Have you been here long?” she asked. I nodded my head and enquired about her. By this time, I realized that we had walked a little out of the campus and were near the town center. I asked her if she would like to join me for a drink, being fully prepared for a negative answer. She agreed without hesitation.

We spent a long time talking that day and it was like we had known each other forever. We eventually bid adieu to each other and I returned to my abode with a smile on my face and an enlightened feeling.

That was the beginning. We met each other often and I felt the connection grow between us gradually. It wasn’t long before I popped the question and was quite unprepared for the response I got.

It was one of those cheerful days that seemed to be a very common occurrence for me those days and the two of us had just returned from our prayers. I was slightly nervous but was determined to go through with the carefully rehearsed dialogues I had planned for a while now.

I stopped at the fork in the paths, which would take us on our different routes home and looked at her. I suddenly wasn’t sure what to say. She was always very perceptive and I could see that she knew what was coming. I saw a brief look of panic and pain and it made me more nervous and a bit nonplussed. I was going ahead with my plans anyway. I asked her if she would accept me as her own and I saw the hesitation in her. She said that she loved me dearly but felt things would just not work out. I was devastated. I never expected this. In a shaking voice, I asked her to give me a reason but she would not elaborate other than repeating that she was sure that it would not be fair. I had no idea what that meant but I was not going to take no for an answer, especially when the reasoning seemed to be flawed and flimsy. I kept questioning her to give me a better explanation but to no avail.

I spent the next few days in mourning as it were. I was confused and depressed. I thought I could forget her after the first few days but things just became worse. I had to meet her once more.

I did meet her and when she saw me, I could see that she loved me. There was no question about it. I pleaded with her to reconsider and she continued to resist all my logic. I, however, was in no mood to give up and was frankly amazed at my perseverance. I don’t know if it was that or she just got tired of talking to me.

She finally capitulated! She did put a condition to her acceptance. It was a strange request but I was too happy to care and I readily agreed.


We were joined together that following week and it was the most fulfilling experience for me. I could hardly do anything. All I did was, be with her. She was as happy as I was and the sadness that I had seen in her all this time disappeared during those days. It was the most wonderful time I had ever had.

As time went by, we drew closer and closer together and were quite inseparable. I lost track of time and had come to the point where I couldn’t even remember what life was like without her. She seemed content with me though often I would catch her looking at me with the same sadness I had seen on our first meeting. A quick smile was always there for me when I did take her unawares during these times. Many a joyous day passed this way in our time together.

Returning home one day, a little later than usual, I was surprised to see our home in darkness. I walked in and put on some lights. She was lying in the middle of the floor, all curled up and on her side. I rushed to her side and lifted her face. She was still conscious and gave me a weak smile. I lifted her and put her in a more comfortable position. “What happened?” I mumbled. Her voice was still strong, though low. “I must have tripped on something”, she said. I looked around and didn’t see anything she could have tripped on. I didn’t pursue this further as I was more concerned about her state. I fussed over her for a long time and got up to call a physician. I am not sure how she got the strength, but she stood up and literally screamed, “You are not going to call anyone. Just look after me now.” It was the first time she had ever raised her voice and I was taken aback at the vehemence with which she uttered those words.

There was nothing I could do. I knew better than to argue with her and decided I would get someone to see her once she had regained her composure and state of mind.

She never did let me get any help. She slowly started withdrawing from me and I knew she was getting worse but there was nothing I could do, try as hard as I did. A couple of times, I got the physician to come over without any intimation to her. She seemed really unhappy about this but succumbed to the physician’s care.

They never could find what was happening with her or maybe no one wanted to tell me. I know the truth now, but then, I was too distraught to think. Outwardly, there was nothing visibly wrong with her but as time went by she seemed to be getting weaker and soon was unable to even stand up straight. I was being torn apart to see her go through this. She seemed to take this in her stride and was resigned to her fate. We spent every moment we could together and she would whisper that she would return to me one day, probably hoping to cheer me up this way. It never worked but I made a concerted effort not to let her know that and always did my best to be cheery and bright.

Then one day, she was gone. Just like that. She must have known because the previous day, I had almost fallen asleep beside her and she whispered in my ear “Goodbye, until next time”. She must have thought that I was not awake and I pretended to continue sleeping but there was nothing I could do about the lump I was trying hard to swallow.

I remembered the promise I had made when she had given in to my insistence and doggedness. I probably had known this would happen but had never accepted it. Not once had I questioned her on this. I had promised her that I would not cry for her once she was gone.

I never did lament. I just came to accept it. I cherished the times we spent together and that gave me strength.

The day she passed, a beautiful baby girl was born to a wonderful couple on earth. I smiled when I saw the look on the mother’s face when the baby was given to her. I knew that the parents were indeed fortunate to have such a daughter.

I had passed the stage of the soul where I would need to be born on earth once again but she had not and sometimes I wish that I hadn’t either. However, the little sins I had committed during my last lifetime on earth had been overshadowed by whatever good I had done. That was my close brush with the maker and I was sure I was to be born again and be doomed to go through life all over again. Hence, though, in my mind, I deserved to suffer for at least a lifetime, the higher powers had thought otherwise and had been magnanimous on judgment day. I had attained the exalted status and would never go through the cycle of birth and death again. The true home for a soul is in heaven and eventually every one of them comes back here. I knew she would come back to me one day and that gave me strength. I considered myself enriched for having experienced this in my already blissful immortal existence.

After all, I am but a lonely soul waiting to meet my soul-mate…. once again… For, whatever changes, the soul remains the same and that is the essence of being. Once it evolves beyond desire and attachment, the soul attains serenity. I had moved past all this but there was nothing to prevent me from connecting with another soul and I wondered at it all. Some day, I knew I would be given an explanation and I would be enlightened further. Till then… I would wait…


Footnote: Primordial and unborn, karma is anadi, "beginningless." Its Rig Veda definitions are linked to the performance of the homa, the potent fire rite that temporarily opens a window between the three worlds -- physical, subtle and causal. Karma in Mystical Vision The yogis of the ancient Sankhya philosophical system offered a deeply mystical vision. They scrutinized karma to profound levels of magnification and stressed its bearing on the soul of man. What they saw was a plasmic jelly pulsating within the subtle bodies of each person. Embedded in this plasma, which persists from life to life, are the seeds of all past thought and action. In each lifetime, certain of these karmic seeds are released into the nerve system with coded impulsions and tendencies affecting present actions. The effects were most commonly understood to determine three spheres of life: a) jati, family and occupation; b) ayus, health and length of life; c) bhoga, quality and enjoyment of life. Karma as a Cosmic Building Block To the rishi seers, karma appeared with such fundamental force and substantive reality that they perceived it as one of the thirty-six primary evolutes of form, called tattvas, which range from Parashakti, pure consciousness, to prithivi tattva, earth. Karma is number eight, called niyati tattva, a spiritual-magnetic energy form. This identification of its magnetic quality is a crucial clue to understanding how karma "comes back," rather than just "goes out." Each karma, or action, generates a vibration, a distinct oscillation of force, a vasana, or subliminal inclination that continues to vibrate in the mind. These vasanas are magnetic conglomerates of subconscious impressions. Like attracts like. Acts of love attract loving acts, malice attracts malice. And each action, karma, continues to attract until demagnetized. This is accomplished through re-experiencing it, or resolving it with understanding -- rather than compounding it with reaction -- or through other subtler spiritual means and practices. Excerpts from Hinduism Today Newspaper

As a person who has been in shackles for a long time may be aware of the nature of his bondage, intense or feeble, and also its duration still so long as he does not make any effort to break them, he does not get himself free from the chains, and may have to remain so, for a long time without obtaining freedom. Similarly a person with karmic bondage, even if he has the knowledge of the extent the nature, the duration, and the strength of the karmic bondage, does not get liberation (by this mere knowledge) but he gets complete liberation if pure in heart. From the Samaysar, Jain Scriptures