Not So Happy Birthday

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Derek, happy

birthday to you!!!” the people around him merrily sang. His mother gave him a big

kiss on his cheek.


“Happy birthday son, I’m so proud of you, we all are” her voice barely audible

over the noise of the restaurant and the others cheering. He smiled back at her as

he soaked in all the attention.

“Yeah good on you son, 35 years old and you have accomplished so much.” He

dad said in his deep serious father voice. Derek nodded in response, a silent thank

you that need not be said.


“Quick, blow out the candles before the wax gets on the cake” his beloved wife

Sarah yelled above the crowds. Derek knew he should blow out the candles but he

was loving this moment to much and he would rather hold on to this moment so

that it never slip by. He looked over at his grand parents, sitting hand in hand

silently together, his granddad lifted his glass in a toast and Derek smiled back. All

his family where there, and soon there would be more for his family as he smiled to

himself as he watched the bump in his wife’s stomach as she frantically tried to

make sure the candle wax was getting on the cake, only another four months and

they would have their first child. It was a son, he knew this but not from test or

anything he just knew and he could hardly wait.


“Derek!!! the cake” Sarah yelled to him again, she had gone to so much trouble

to organize this, even got his friends to come from overseas and he hadn’t seen

them in years. He looked at the cake, such a brilliant cake lines with candles that

shined brilliantly in his eyes. He inhaled as much as he could as he knew it would

require a great effort to blow all the candles out at once, he made his wish inside

his mind wishing that this moment could last forever and then he blew the candles

out.


The room went dark, Derek sat there alone only just able to see the trailing

smoke coming from the single candle on a week old muffin he had bought and only

just remembered. His mind was trying desperately to get back into the world he

was just in, his dream world but reality had kicked in. he realized this and muttered

to himself that he knew what would fix that and he reached over and picked up the

half empty bottle of vodka. He took a long drink from the bottle trying to block out

the horrible taste that reminded him of nail polish remover that the vodka held, it

was cheap vodka and had been left open for a few months, another thing he found

at the back of his cupboard and seeing as he had drunken everything else it would

have to do.


His eyes grew accustomed to the gloom but he didn’t care as there was

nothing to see but a bare room with a chair, a coffee table and a TV. He knew this

room, he spent all his time in this room, he had even stopped going to the bedroom

to sleep as he had decided that when he woke up he would just come back in here

so he might as well sleep in here.


He lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke deep into his lungs thinking about how

35 years ago he was born. He wondered what he could have been, the things he

could have accomplished but didn’t. A tiny flicker in his mind tried to speak up

saying that he could still accomplish things, that his life was far from over but he

replied by yelling out to the empty room to shut up. He didn’t want any positive

ness, his mind had betrayed him, he had slowly but surely lead himself down the

path of madness and his body had quickly followed. He reminded himself that he

isn’t the Derek in his daydreams and that he never would. His family had given up

on him years ago no longer being able to watch him as he pushed himself into

isolation secretly glad as he was such a embarrassment, he couldn’t even talk with

people he would just end up getting side tracked in talking to himself. He had never

married, he had a girlfriend once which he loved so much but he became so

paranoid that something would happen to ruin it that he ended up ruining it by

becoming to possessive and no longer holding the qualities that had drawn her to

him in the first place.


He thought to himself about what was he going to do now he was thirty-five and

only one option came to mind, the same option that haunted him day in and day

out but he had never been able to bring himself to do it. But now he was thirty-five

so before his mind could try and stop him he reached over to the knife that was

located beside the stale muffin and quickly slashed his left wrist deep, again and

again. He didn’t bother slashing his right wrist he knew that his left hand was

enough and also that his left hand would now no longer be able to hold the knife.


He watched as the blood spewed out of his wrist and flowed onto the floor, the

blood so thin from all the alcohol he had been drinking. His mind began to fade and

his body began to sway. He tried to laugh to himself as he felt part of his mind

enjoying the fact that he had finally done it but the other half of his mind weeping in

pain wishing he hadn’t, he wished they could just be one, just one mind in his head

which would make so many less arguments inside of him. His eyes glazed as he

slowly sank of the chair and onto the floor. He began to see the restaurant again,

all the people, all his family but he also saw himself in the middle of it smiling and

laughing and enjoying all the attention. He watched as the Derek in his dream

turned to him with the emptiest sorrowful face.

“why did you do that Derek?” he spoke to himself “you could have made it all better

Derek, you had so much potential, you could have dragged yourself out of your rut

but no its to late Derek” Then the restaurant faded, everything faded and Derek’s

body lying on the floor twitched a few times before becoming still and he was no

more.