Space Gas

         The first time Toby Blowkin farted in public was during Earth History Class. Mrs. Bean had just finished telling them about the Great Generation Ship Launch of 2020, when Toby felt the familiar gurgle building in his stomach. Usually he was able to control it. But this time, it was going to blow.
 
         "Paaarrrp."
 
         Toby scanned the room. Everyone’s eyes were still glued to the databoard. He let his muscles relax, as relief washed over him. Then the smell of rotten eggs floated through the air.
 
         Some kids pinched their noses shut and others gagged. Since Toby actually seemed to be enjoying the smell, it became obvious the stench was his.
 
         "Oh...sorry," Toby said, feeling his face get hot. The boy in front of him turned and slyly gave him a thumbs up. Pride began to replace embarrassment.
 
         "What exactly was that?" Mrs. Bean glared at Toby.
 
         "I guess I farted," Toby replied, the heat returning to his face.
 
         "That word has been banned, which you very well know Mr. Blowkin!" Mrs. Bean’s teeth were clenched. "And you also know that body function has been eliminated! So, how did you do it? One of your practical jokes I can only assume. Well, hand over whatever contraption you've created NOW!"
 
         "Honestly, Mrs. Bean, I just ff...passed gas." A few of his classmates giggled.
 
         Flatulence had been eliminated aboard Generation Ship 003 five years into the expected 80 year flight. The inhabitants discovered that living within a confined space, no fresh air, and constant farting didn't mix well. Dr. Vaper had invented a pill that was taken daily by all 642 first generation passengers. By time the 3rd generation was born the effects of the pill had altered their genes and the supplement was no longer necessary.
 
         Then one day, as Toby watched the stars rush by Space Portal 12, he felt a wiggling and popping in his stomach. It wasn’t until the buzzer-like sound slipped through his butt and the rank odor brushed his nostrils that he realized what it might be. And he kind of enjoyed it.
 
         He spent the rest of that day in the librarium. With his hand-held compumate linked to the datatron, he absorbed everything he could about flatulence. He concluded that farting was a normal body function and that the Elders, the 1st Generation rulemakers, had been controlling something they had no business controlling. It's like messing with our free speech, Toby thought. Sort of. He decided to keep his discovery to himself, partly from fear of punishment but mostly because he didn’t want to give it up.
 
         He kept quiet for almost six months. But two days after his 13th birthday, his secret slipped out, literally.
 
         "How is that possible?" said Mrs. Bean. "Toby, come with me. Class, please continue reading on your compumates from where we left off."
 
         Toby slid out of his seat and trudged after Mrs. Bean.
 
         "I’m going to have take you to see Dr. Winder while I call an Elder's meeting." Mrs. Bean pressed the button for level 33. "I know this seems a bit harsh but I think we need to nip this in the butt...I...I...I mean put a stop to this before it gets out of hand again. I remember all too well what you males think of you-know-what. You treat it like it's entertainment."
 
         "Excuse me, Mrs. Bean, from what I've read it's a normal part of life. It doesn't seem right to try to control your body’s functions. It’s actually interesting the way your body produces this gas sometimes just from the air you swallow. But as it leaves your body it can be made up of--"
 
         "That's just what I was talking about. Why would you find it necessary to research something so foul? And why would you think that I, or anyone else, would find it interesting?" Mrs. Bean turned her back to him as the eletrac door opened. Before they had a chance to step inside, Mr. Ripp rushed out.
 
         "I was coming to get you. We have a..." Mr. Ripp paused as he noticed Toby, "situation." He pulled Mrs. Bean a few steps away. But Toby was still able to make out the words malfunction, engine, and dangerous. It certainly didn't take a genius to figure out that this was more than a little situation. He inched toward them, straining his neck.
 
         "There’s a leak in the methane tank from a minor collision with some space debris. We think Ship 002 released some garbage in error. We can replace the lost gas but it’ll take some time. Unfortunately, time is something we don't have much of. We need a small supply of this gas to hold us over. We were hoping you might have some ideas." Mr. Ripp was staring into Mrs. Bean's bulging eyes, waiting for her reply.
 
         Toby's mind began to race. He had been trying for 6 months to come up with a case for his right to pass gas. This might be my chance, he thought.
 
         "Some farts contain methane," he said. "Do you think that might help?"
 
         "Maybe..." Mr. Ripp replied, turning to stare at Toby. "But what difference does that make? Nobody flatulates anymore."
 
         Mr. Ripp listened intently as Toby filled him in on all the details. "So I was thinking maybe I'm not the only one who can do this. Maybe there are other 3rd'ers who can, too. Maybe they’ve been keeping it secret like me."
 
         After convincing Mr. Ripp it was worth a try, Toby raced back to his class. All eyes were on him as he shared his story. And as he had suspected at least half of the 35 kids, mostly boys of course, admitted to having the same secret.
 
         As the group squeezed into the eletracs heading for level 2, Toby began to realize the powerful position he was in. I could tell the Elders that we won't help unless they stop trying to control our body functions, Toby thought. They'd have no choice but to agree. By the time Toby heard the familiar shoosh of the electrac arriving at its destination, he felt confident he would win this fight.
 
         But as Toby charged out of the eletrac, all thoughts of flatulence rights left him completely. He was hit by the aroma of sweat and body odor. Flashing red lights bombarded his eyes. The Security Warning siren tore through his head. The Scientists, dressed in their shiny black lab coats, raced from one side of the room to the other. The Elders pounced on the kids as they tried to exit the eletrac, dragging them in all different directions. The seriousness of the situation took hold of him as Mrs. Bean yanked him toward Captain Belcher in the center of the room.
 
         "Mr. Blowkin, as you can see, we have a serious problem on our hands. Since none of the adults seem to be acting too rationally, I’m putting you in charge of rounding up each of your classmates and escorting them to Dr. Winder in Room 4." Captain Belcher pointed to a big steel door. "Why don't you go first, since I understand this was your idea."
 
         Once inside the room, Dr. Winder greeted him by handing him a long fat plastic tube with a lid. She explained that all he needed to do was hold the tube tight to his butt, fart, and quickly cap the tube. Over the past six months, Toby had had plenty of practice controlling his gas and releasing it only when he was alone, so he knew Dr. Winder's request would be no problem. Once he finished, he headed back out to round up each of his classmates.
 
         When the task was complete Toby stood in front of his classmates by the eletrac as Captain Belcher addressed them. "I want to thank you for your...uh...service. I request that you now go back to your classroom so we can get to work down here. Mrs. Bean will join you shortly and update you on our progress."
 
         The classroom was silent as they waited for some word about the plan, the ship, their future. Toby’s French toast capsule from breakfast fought its way to his throat as the door opened and Captain Belcher, himself, entered.
 
         "I wanted you to know that the operation was a complete success!" the Captain announced, to a round of cheers. "I wanted to personally thank you again for your help with this situation." He turned so his eyes met Toby's. "We’re all in your debt, Mr. Blowkin. Your quick, selfless thinking saved this ship. If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know."
 
          Toby felt the corners of his mouth begin to curl as he scanned the expectant faces of his classmates. I know just what to ask for, he thought.