I Fall In Love With You All Over Again

Author's Note: Looking back at this, I wish I could feel it still. Today is November 15th, 2007. And on October 24th 2007, my soulmate and my true love and my best friend, broke my heart. Without a reason. He just woke up one day and realized he didn't love me anymore. Now he sees me as his best friend... whom he is extremely attracted to. I made him the happiest he's ever been and I showed him what true love is, and he says I'm still the best thing that ever happened to him. I met him almost exactly two years ago, and loved him for a little less than that. True, strong, and pure love. But now it's over, and I'm heartbroken and crushed, and there's nothing that I can do to change it or fix it or make it better. I can only wait for the hurting to stop. The one person who swore never to hurt me, has hurt me in ways that makes everything else in my life pale in comparison.

So, the below two poems are from days past. When life was good and amazing, and I woke up every day absolutely astonished at the life I was living, like it was all a fabulous dream and far too good to be true. And as it turns out, it was. The feeling and emotion in the poems below are still true, and still describe exactly the way I felt... and unfortunately still feel. But now it's gone and all I can have are the memories.

And you... if you ever read this... I love you. Despite all that you have hurt me and put me through these past weeks. I will always love you. Even though sometimes I don't like you very much.

EDITED: November 28 2007: An accompanying poem following the breakup can be found in my port under I Just Want You To Know.



I Fall In Love With You All Over Again

Everytime I see your smile
My heart melts like candle wax,
turns gooey and soft inside me.
My heartbeat quickens.

I fall in love with you all over again.

Everytime you look at me
In your oh so special way.
I feel like I'm standing in a blinding cone
of bright white light.
Pure, undiluted love.
Adoration.
Affection.

I fall in love with you all over again.

Everytime I wake up
Turn over and see you beside me.
I look at your sleeping form
and wonder what I ever did to deserve you.
Every day is like waking up in paradise
Just feeling you in bed beside me.
Your body curled around to fit mine
Perfect, like a glove.
Enveloping me in your love.

I fall in love with you all over again.

Everytime you embrace me
Wrap your strong arms around me
Squeeze tight
[ I always told you that you give the best hugs ]
I feel so safe
Wrapped up in you.

I fall in love with you all over again.

Everytime I see you upset
Stressed out,
Unhappy.
It breaks my heart.
I wish I could make you feel better.
Make everything perfect,
and good for you.
Like you do for me.

And every little display of emotion
Makes me fall in love with you all over again.

I love you.




Thank You
Thank you.

You'll never truly know
how much I care.
I don't believe it's possible
to really explain.

But I can try.

You hold me tight,
wrap your arms around me.
Touch my face,
hand,
arm.
Whisper in my ear.
Place a gentle peck on my forehead,
nose,
cheek,
or hand.

You tell me a thousand ways how much you love me.

And every one means the universe to me.

A hundred little love letters
Note paper
post-it notes
e-mails
cards.
They all mean just as much.

I really do wish
There were words enough to describe
The way I feel.

Us.
You.

Boyfriend.
Other Half.
Partner.

It's all so...
Inadequate.

It doesn't even begin to explain.

You are my soulmate.
And I want to thank you for everything.
Just... Everything.

There I was
Sweet, shy, and innocent.
That's how you described me.

Day one.
"I'd do her".
I still laugh.
Back then... Who would have thought?

Shy and timid,
I kept to myself.
Didn't talk much.
So, so introverted.

You changed me in ways you will never know.
Or maybe you do.
I don't give you as much credit as you deserve.

I used to be so jaded,
Didn't really believe that it could happen.
To fall in love, not lust.
Pure, perfect real.
True love.

I thought it existed,somewhere.
But I never thought I would find it.
Only the very lucky and blessed find their soulmate
Usually when they reach middle-age.
Or older.

Or never.

I used to be so jaded.
Didn't really believe in marriage.
Statistics didn't influence me,
but my own perceptions did.
Everyone around me, so unhappy.
Divorce. Or worse.
Staying together.
I didn't think it mattered.
I didn't think I would ever care enough about it.

"Who needs a piece of paper to commit?"
"It's just a trap, it makes it harder
to go your separate ways once it does fall apart.
And it probably will"

That's how I saw it.

Nineteen, and there you are.

You made me believe that I was more than I thought.
You made me see that I didn't have to hide my personality.
You made me see that maybe big boobs,
and a half-way pretty face weren't all I had to offer.

You made me happy, for the first time in my life.
You made me not hate myself.
You made me love you, just by being you.

I still don't think I deserve you.
But now I would be lost without you.
I don't know how I got along before you.
Now, you're all there is.
Everything I have, you have given to me.

Look at me now.
You cannot deny that I've blossomed,
Like a fresh pink rosebud.
Turning from a timid little girl with an old woman's mind,
to me.

Most of all, you are the one person
I can truly be myself around.
I don't have to hold back.
I don't have to put up false fronts.
I don't have to edit myself,
or not be completely honest.

You take me for who I am.
For everything.
I don't have to pretend.
I can just be me.

And you did that.

You'll never know how much you've done for me,
How much you've changed my life
For the better.

But Thank You.

The world would be a far emptier place without you.

And me?
I would still be lost.

Thank you.
For just being you.
And for just loving me.