You Did What?

The other day I was thinking about my school years, and then it turned into a thought about all my embarrassing moments in school. Everyone has their share of embarrassment, but I am starting to think that I just might be off the charts. You see, I am what you would call a klutz. I am probably the clumsiest person ever to grace (or un-grace) this planet.

The dictionary defines being clumsy as "Without skill or grace; wanting dexterity, nimbleness, or readiness; awkward..."

Without skill or grace, wow, that is the single most perfect description of me.

I have ended up hurting myself in some of the most hilarious ways over the years. All without even the slightest ounce of trying. I've broken my own nose at least 15 times, 14 more than necessary. Here are just a few examples of my own life's "outtakes" that i'd like to share.

In high school P.E. class, we were playing kickball. For those of you that don't know what kickball is, it is just like baseball, except it is played with a large rubber ball that is kicked instead of hit with a bat.

It was my turn "at bat" and I was already nervous about being in front of the entire class. When I get nervous I tend to do stupid things, usually uncontrollably. As I started to kick the ball, somehow I stepped on it and ended up launching myself around 4 feet into the air, all while my body was spinning in a complete 360. As I slammed into the gym floor, and realized what just happened, I began to pray for a fire, or earthquake, anything that would prevent all 35 of my peers from standing there staring at my lifeless body.

My teacher held out his hand to help me up, which I dismissed with a look of "LOOK AWAY YOU FOOL!". The sounds of everyone rolling around on the floor laughing slapped me back to reality; I had to get out as quickly as I could. I have never moved that fast in my life, I jumped up and sprinted to the locker room.

I eventually started laughing myself, but only after the teacher told me to come back because it was still my turn. Was he serious? There was no way I was getting back up there, and I didn't. I sat for the rest of the class, laughing and hurting. It was a big day for my P.E. class, one that will not be forgotten easily.

Another shining example of just how graceless I am is when I broke my nose answering the phone. Again this was in high school, but thankfully it happened in the comfort of my own bedroom.

Talking on the phone was always the highlight of my day. When the phone rang as I walked in the front door I ran as fast as I could to answer it. Bad idea. As I leaped across the room onto my bed and picked up the receiver, instead of putting it to my ear like any other person would, I decided to slam it into my face, and hard. Luckily I didn't have to go to the emergency room, my nose had been broken before so when I heard that crack I knew what to expect. Again the laughter came when I had to explain to my friend that called what that loud crash was followed by several 4 letter words.

If you think that is the end of my clumsy streak, you are sadly mistaken, but I don't think there is enough space in the world for me to talk about all of them. I will most likely end up breaking my hip when i'm older, probably from tripping over a cordless phone cord, or slipping in the shower that I haven't even stepped into yet. But I am OK with it, I have more stories to tell than the average person, and more battle scars to prove them.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I hear the phone...