And You Love Him

And You Love Him

This is written to be spoken. The double backslashes indicate a stop and intake of breath (something necessary to note as this is intended to be read <i>extremely</i> quickly), while a single slash indicates a quick breath.

And you love him… // [fast] You tell yourself you don’t time and time again but you do. You say it’s done it’s over. You’ll never take him back if he ever wants you again, but god oh god you wish he’d want you again/ and you know that if he came to you and said “I love you and I always have” you’d take him back, you’d take him back, you’d <i>take him back</i> without a second thought. // and you’d leap into his arms. [fast] He doesn’t want that anymore though and your daydreams you’re so ashamed of where you kiss him and tell him how you’ve missed his scent are just daydreams and no more and they’ll never be more again // you ask yourself why are you so pathetic as to hold onto this why can’t you move on and forget him. You tell yourself he’s done you wrong too many times and that there’s no way you’d ever allow him back in your life the way he was but you want to. // You want to hold him to kiss him to feel his arms around you. You wish you had some way to forget how good it was. You wish he didn’t pretend it never happened. You wish he didn’t cut you out of his life so completely the way he does and you want to be able to play some role however small in his life because he’s still everything to some small part of you [slow it down gradually] but he won’t allow it b/c he sees it in your eyes ::long pause:: they all see it: part of you still loves him, and perhaps it always will. [fast] You have this secret that you hold so close to your heart that you want no one to see but it shows itself to everyone [slow] through the windows of your eyes. [speed up] you wish and wish that he would love you again because [very fast] part of you is still convinced that afternoons like those you had laying in each other’s arms for hours in the bright sunlight on that hilltop [slow] cannot be achieved with anyone else. // but he <i>is</i> someone else; he’s not that same guy. He’s changed and you know it and you’re wishing for a man who’s dead and buried // [audible breath] It’s more than a person it’s a time when you were innocent and young and in love and oblivious to the pain of heartache, a time when you could trust and love and live freely without the fear that hangs so constantly over your head. // And, most of all, you know… You know it and you wish you didn’t that this is more than a person that you need, it’s a state of mind that once lost… can never come back to you. // You know that it’ll never be the same.