MORALITY AFTER DIVORCE

What is the proper Moral behavior for a divorced mothers?
Old school morality includes the act of shutting out the whole world and focusing on the children. What you feel and think doesn't count.
Just close up and go through the motions.
What I mean by going through the motions is just plain old being a mom; which I love being have been one for 20years.
Now I am in my Forties and back home with Mom and Dad sharing a bedroom with my nineteen and twelve year old daughters. We have been here for about three years. All the time I have been the proper Moral divorced mother. Taking only interest in my children. So you are saying where is the dilemma? I am following the rules of morality. Not!
It all started when I meet a man who wants to take care of me. No one has wanted just to take care of me for a long time.
Let me make this a little clearer for you. I want someone to care for me! I have cared and loved my children for all these years. Its my turn!
Yes! I know this sound real selfish. I know the proper moral code is children first.
This is where my guilt comes in.
If I am the Christian woman everyone thinks I am, why do I act on my feeling out of wedlock?
Am I setting a bad example for my girls like my parents are accusing me of ?
Why is spending a night with the one man who rocks my world being disloyal to my girls?
Why can't people see if I am not happy I would just make their lives unhappy?
Why would God what more pain and suffering in their lives?
Why Would God what my to give up the love he sent me in this man!
He is a hard working man who is always asking about my girls and what they like. I can see him spoiling them in the near future. I have known him for 10 months. I know its not a long time! In those ten months the first six where spent just trying to communicate at work; you see he is Brazilian and speaks very broken English. About 7 months we started having lunch at work. I became his official English teacher. Well I never will be able to teach him the proper English but basic Who, What , Where and How to start.
To get back to the moral conflict.
I am a good mother my girls are not spoiled or shut out from the world. I don't believe in shielding them from the bad and just feeding them the good. I want them to know the world out there is dangerous and it is all right to ask me anything and get an answer. I give my children reasons for there bounders and not just say "You have to because I say so!" If they question my orders I explain why.
So when I spent the night out I thought of my girls. I didn't leave them alone at home I left them with my parents. Which was real not necessary because the oldest one could have watched the younger one.
Now you are about to learn why the guilt.!!!!
I walked into the house after spending the night out and my father meets me at the door. I said good morning. "He looks at me and said Don't speak to me!"
Here I am a 47 year old mother of two teenagers and my father is not speaking to me because I slept with a man out of wedlock! "My mother is just as bad with her comment to me was "Marry this guy and move out."
So as you can see I have a big moral problem. I can't marry a man who hasn't asked me for one thing. All so I only known the man for ten months! Right know if he asked me to marry him I would probably say yes and move out. But my moral code would set off the guilt. So do I cool things out for a while and put some distance between my self and the one man who rocks my world. Everyone out their will have a different opinion if I ask. God is looking down and frowning whispering in my ear “don't rush ,don't let go ,wait and follow your heart. I hope I am hearing you right Lord. Because when ever I get the chance I will go to him and follow my heart. The girls are with me no matter where or what I do. My phone is always on and near I am only five minutes away by car. I what the guilt to stop But I want to be loved and cared for again. The Lord has a reason for sending this man to me and I am not letting go!!!