Just Because.

         I thought he was okay. I really did, and now I see that I was foolish to think that. How could I feel so inclined to love him but be so blind to his feelings?
He is short, and so thin you could fit his whole body into the eye of a needle. He is beautiful, fierce, artistic, and lovely in every way possible. I thought he was the image of perfection. Popular, creative, the front man of my favorite band. Perfectly fine because he was living the life that I wanted to live. Perfectly happy because all of these girls and boys were looking up to him like he was God. Like he was the mecca of everything rock. Of everything I adored. And he was, or at least that is what I thought.

         He had been adopted and that fact had been kept a secret from him up until he was about fifteen. There was a day when he found out that his parents best friends were actually his biological parents. And he was crushed. His world was turned upside down, much like a snow globe. pages flying everywhere, pieces of the life he thought he had. And he ran off for a few days. Thank god I didn't know him then, I would have just died with worry. But he came back and began to keep in touch with both sets of his parents. And everything was supposed to be fine.

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          I could never understand eating disorders. There were times when I felt just huge compared to the models on the television and felt the strange urge to shove a toothbrush down my throat, but I didn't because, apparently I have a strong will. And what baffled me even more were males with the problem. How could a guy feel inadequate? They were supposed to be able to look however and it didn't matter! I just didn't understand how he developed Bulimia.

          Now I suppose it was that severe emotional trauma of finding out that he was lied to about something so dear to him. But I could be wrong.

          I Have this natural empathy towards people where I start to feel their pain and feel compelled to help them. I think that is why His disorder smacked me so hard in the chest. And he was my Idol. He was supposed to be perfect, and flawless, and happy. That was why I looked up to him. That was why I loved him.

          But I was wrong. I loved him because of the beautiful music he made. I loved him because of the way his words made me feel. I looked up to him because he was doing what I wanted. And I wanted to help him Just because I felt it was the thing that was needed.

          He always put it off as "oh, its not a big deal" or "I'm over that now" or "no it never happened". But I knew about it, and it hurt me and He shouldn't have been put through that. He didn't deserve it. It wasn't fair.

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          I may never be able to help him, but I will keep on trying. There is no way you can stop me. Whenever he needs support, I am there. Whenever he looks sad I'll will be the one to notice and want to hug him. I will do whatever it takes to see him happy. Even if he doesn't know I exist.