The River Running By

It wasn’t daybreak yet.

I wasn’t man yet. I desperately wanted to be a man. I hated being a boy. I was still two years from that glorious Adult mark. I hated the wait.

My elder sister loved my agony. She was all of eighteen. She could vote in the assembly elections. The day she came back home after exercising her voting right, I didn’t talk to her. That black mark on her index finger was constantly ripping me apart. She could contribute her two cents to the country. I, on the other hand did absolutely nothing to change anything.

I stepped up the speed. The bicycle responded beautifully. It was an age old Herculus bicycle. My grandfather bought it in 1932 from his friend. Even after sixty years of relentless usage, the bicycle had shown no signs of giving up.

The cool breeze was refreshing. It was the river’s way of welcoming me everyday. She wanted to talk to me always. In fact she did. However I rarely listened to her. The ripples carried messages. I never looked at them. In all probability she was in love with me.

But I didn’t want to love rivers. I wanted to love Sandhya. So I didn’t pay much attention to the river’s advances. Nowadays she was not so friendly. Perhaps she had understood where my heart was.

Sandhya was swallowed by the river a month ago. I blamed it on jealousy. My friends said it was an accident.

I didn’t care. I knew the river could do anything. She was like a majestic Queen. She wanted all the villagers to be on Her Majesty’s Royal Service. If anyone went against the tide, he or she would be punished by the river.

The river thought I would start loving her if Sandhya was removed from the picture. Poor little river! It didn’t know that I wouldn’t even look at her. So what if Sandhya wasn’t alive any more. Her image was still afresh in my memory. From my point of view, she was still in front of me. I could see her image clearly. I knew it was all my imagination. However I didn’t consider reality and imagination to be mutually exclusive. At the grassroots level, it was just information sent to our brain. Shouldn’t matter if it was the eye that sent her image or the mind! In my reference frame Sandhya was alive.

She smiled, “What? The boundaries between logic and desire disappearing?”

Sandhya in fact was not a very sharp girl. I knew it was part of my mind talking like Sandhya. But I liked it. I wanted her to be intelligent. I knew my mind wanted me to have a conversation with Sandhya.

“Not exactly. For me, you are real. As real as our villain here – the river.”

The river swirled in protest. I didn’t care.

Sandhya laughed. “Oh my! You are going mad.”

I nodded. Yes madam. Mad about you.

“Why not look at something more real? Like for instance, Nivedita from B-section?” She asked me.

Nivedita was the uncrowned Miss Universe as per the youngsters of my village. However she never even looked at me. I hated her arrogance. So what if she looked like Aishwarya Rai, she could never be Sandhya.

“Why is this fascination? You should move on Yaji.” Sandhya told me gently.

I shook my head.

“You can’t marry me. What is the point then?”

I stared at her. I would have married her if I were not fifteen. I wanted to wait till I became a Man. The wretched river spoiled all my plans. The river would surely propose on the very day of my eighteenth birthday. I would bet my life on it.

“Yaji, What are you doing here? Amma would be searching for you. Go home.”

I looked up in disbelief. This couldn’t be Sandhya talking.

My sister was looking at me seriously. Sandhya had disappeared.

“What are YOU doing here?” I asked her. It was too early to go to college.

“None of your business honey!” She smiled, “But I will tell you anyway. I am going away. I am eloping with my boyfriend. I will see you later.”

I was aghast. From the clearing mist I could see the silhouette of a man. “Nagarajam?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. Or was it my mind playing games with me?

“Yes honey. It is Nagarajam – Karanam’s eldest son.” She confirmed the reality.

I didn’t understand. Why should they elope? They could get married here itself.

“You are still a kid Yaji. He is not a Brahmin. Our folks will never agree to this match.”

She hugged me and kissed me on my forehead. “Study well and get out of this frog’s well. Sandhya is history Yaji. She is not coming back. You have to cross the river and explore the world. God willing, I will see you again.”

She left amidst tears. I waved them off. The river took complete control of them. I knew it wouldn’t harm them. It had this animosity only with me.

“Let us do it.” Sandhya appeared from nowhere. “Let us also run away.”

“What? Hello! I am sixteen.” I was angry with myself for being a kid.

“That is enough for me Yaji. You are cute and clever. You are witty and intelligent. We can survive. Let us cross over Yaji. Let us just cross over.”

I shook my head violently. I was hearing voices. My head was splitting. And suddenly it all subsided. I opened my eyes. The river smiled at me. Sandhya was expecting me to say something. The ripples came till the shore hoping to get some ear on our conversation and went back disappointed because we talked through our mind. And our mind was just one mind. My mind.

Sandhya walked towards my bicycle. “Give me a ride. Will ya?”

I nodded. She hopped onto the bicycle. I started pedaling. We came to a bridge. I had never seen it before.

“How come I’ve never come across this bridge before?” I asked Sandhya.

She laughed, “Because you are a kid Yaji. Kids don’t know many things.”

“You are also not an adult. You are just a year older than me.” I reminded her.

“The scale is different for girls Yaji. Don’t worry about it.” She said.

We both stared at the bridge for a very long time. The sun was witnessing all these – crimson red in color… not because of the romance involved.

She got off the bicycle and ran towards the bridge. “Careful” I shouted.

She stopped and blew me a kiss. “Come to me Yaji. I will show you the heaven.”

She looked absolutely stunning in her dazzling white salwar kameez. I could see an open invitation in her beautiful eyes. I forgot everything.

“Wait. I am coming” I said and steered my bicycle onto the bridge.

The river smiled. First gently and then victoriously.