The Mirror Man

The Mirror Man

I walked over to the mirror. I could see nothing unusual within or beyond it. Just blackness and my own reflection. So clear and real was my mirror self that it seemed to take on a life of its own. It appeared not so much a reflection, but as if I was looking upon myself from another’s eyes. I reached out and touched the image, though it was not cold glass that I felt but the warm flesh of fingertips. I stumbled back in amazement, falling to the ground. My reflection still stood, hand outstretched, looking down upon me. He stepped forward through the mirror, bringing the blackness with him. I could see the dark drifting in through the glass, gradually consuming the room. Impenetrable shadow swung around me until I was an island in dark waters. One pale lump of flesh on a dark canvas. It seemed to extend for eternity in all directions. The blackness began to cling to me and pin me down. It touched my skin and felt warm. All I could see was the towering figure of myself, slowly walking towards me, bending down, fingers touching my arms. I tried to push away, but I could do little against his approach. Such an imposing figure, yet just my mirror self. Never had I ever felt so helpless, so weak and defenceless.

He leaned over and kissed my forehead, all the while whispering to me. Asking if I was hurt, checking I was alright. I had frozen, I could not move. Trying was such effort, and he seemed so close to me. It felt as though he was all around, surrounding me from all sides.

He came closer, holding me down, touching me. I could sense he was nervous but strong, he was sweating and I could smell his odour. He began kissing me all over and fumbling with my clothes. This was too much for me and I frantically tried to kick at him and scream, but I could not. He tore at my clothes, ripping them apart, exposing my pale flesh. My seemingly disabled body lay vulnerable to his advance. His hands were all over me, groping me. Squeezing me. Fondling me. I retched from his touch, cowering from his eyes. So burning they were, eyes like I had never seen. Not my eyes, no, they couldn’t be. He was whispering to me, kissing my ear and delicately placing words upon me. Sweet words, dirty words. My skin, my hair, my eyes, such sweet eyes would you just look at me, and my body, oh. Sweet, sweet love, and I was his, no-one should know. His sweet, sweet love, his precious Jess. Then I knew, deep down and with loathing disgust, I finally realised what was happening. I was reliving such an evil deed, an act that had happened long ago, when I was a different man. I was Jess, looking through her eyes, in her body, and this man, this violator was me. I was to experience the dirty sweet rape of Jess. This time though, I was the one being violated, I was the one being used, being controlled. I looked myself in the eyes now, full faced and I was disgusted. I was loathed and ashamed, at myself, at who I was, and what I had done. I think back now upon the act of defilement, and still find it hard to believe.

Had I been that possessed?

Had it all been that forceful?

That aggressive?

Surely I would have seen her fear, heard her protests. Or had I just blocked them out, ignored them. The least I can plead is that was a different man to the one that stands before you now. That was no man at all, that was a beast. A sick inhuman thing. If I were there now I would kill it. I still can taste the warm tang of old blood in my mouth. The bane of each crime is etched upon my mind, like their blood that stains my clothes, my hands, my face. I should hang, but deserve worse. I should have died a year for every drop of blood I have spilt, every tear I have provoked. But I did not. I had nothing but my own guilt to torment me. Until this moment. The rape of an angel can never be forgiven. Never be undone. I accepted this as my judgement and my punishment.

I let my body go limp and gave up my attempts at escape. I descended further into the darkness until my shame and pain was all that remained, and here I shall stay.

By Lucy Grieves