happiness

The one thing that I said at the beginning of this year is--I want happiness, that glowing, truly happy feeling, the kind that doesnt just come and go with a loved one. But one that is true to your own being. That's what I'm looking for. A true happiness.

And well, I guess one could say that I am content with my life. Conetent in where I'm at, but maybe not happy. I was happpy at moments, and very unhappy at other moments. And, I can't depend my life on someone elses. That's what I have been doing--I was waiting for Mike to just come to me and love me and need me. But, I'm done with it. I'm not done with him, I'll never be done with him. But I've come to realize that although I have this desire for him to always be near me, and next to me, and to truly be with me. It may not be our time. He may not be ready for what I know I am ready for. He knows what I expect, and what I want and I've put the ball in his court--its up to him now. There's nothing much else that I can do other than to say, I am here, I want you, but its up to you now on wether you reciprocate on that not.

So, happiness. I need to rethink, to soul search for what I believe is what i need to make me happy. But happiness, true happiness, is something you find within yourself, not through another being, and its definitely not a temporary emotion.