All Along

I feel so disgusted with myself,
And the person I've become
A cold heart that lives inside of me
My feelings are so numb
Its like I'am receptive to myself,
Yet don't know me anymore,
I search around inside to find a sign,
But my emotions remain sore
Because I'm just a tatterd mess,
A mixed up heap of tears
So lost deep inside,
I've stumbled through the last 20 yrs
All along while holding on,
To see some kinda light
But find nothing on the other side
Each day is a new fight
I go on with each new struggle
Even though its so hard to be strong,
I know its useless to hope for better,
When its been this way all along.