Sancta Maria

Maria got up early that morning and went through her normal routine. She brushed her hair, did her makeup and patted her cat. She stifled a yawn. "Ishka, I feel unnaturally tired," she said to her black and white cat, who regarded her with eyes half open. She frowned, trying to recall her dream of the night before. It was something, just on the edge of her mind, tottering on that brink between the real and the surreal. She shrugged; it was just a dream, anyhow.

Staying awake during history later that day was difficult.
"Maria, can you tell me the answer?" Mrs. Debonaire asked her. Maria tried to remember what she had just been asked.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention," she apologized, blushing. The teacher nodded and asked another student. Who knew senior year could be so tiring, she thought.

"Hey, do you want your pizza? I mean, you're not eating it or anything," Maria's friend Allia asked her at lunch. Maria nodded and rubbed the bridge of her nose.
"Sure; I feel weird," she said.
"Thanks!"

At home that day, Maria managed to throw off her backpack before collapsing onto her bed.
"Ishka, what's wrong with me?" She asked Ishka, who was sitting on her chair, raspy tongue licking an outstretched leg. Ishka continued licking, unresponsive. "I feel so tired...and so ill. Where did I get sick from, Ishka? Babishka...I feel...so..." She lulled off into unconsciousness, body curled into a ball on her bed, hand still uneasily clutching her stomach.

Maria woke up bathed in a cold sweat. Remnants of whatever she had dreamed washed over her in a haze of uneasiness and fright. She shivered. It wasn't like her to be having nightmares, in the middle of the day no less. She tried to remember what she had found so terrible, and thought of a vague, shadowy figure before it passed out of her memory and she was left with only her cold, clammy hands.

The next day, Maria felt much better. Energized and relieved, she was able to answer all the questions in history and fulfill all her daily requirements. Must have just been the twenty-four hour flu, she reasoned. Thank god for that, she thought.
She hated set-backs.

The morning after that, Maria woke to her singing alarm clock from yet another disturbing but vaguely remembered dream. "My god," she grumbled. "When does it end?" Ishka's green eyes followed her as she rolled out of bed. She looked into the mirror. "Holy!" She gasped, staring at her reflection. She looked like a complete wreck! Her eyes, normally a clear hazel color, were muddy and bloodshot. Her face looked as if she had slept directly on it the entire night, and her arms looked blotched and puffy. What in the world is wrong with me? She wondered. I guess my flu didn't go away, after all. Ishka blinked at her.
Should I go to school today? I don't really feel that bad, I just look it. Then again, it's early. Who knows what could happen by the end of the day, she thought. In the end, she decided school was her best option. She felt perfectly fine that morning, and if things changed later on, she could always get picked up.

Things did change during fifth period. Maria waited till the end of health class, and then hurried down to the nurse's office with a pounding head and an upset stomach.

When she got there, the nurse was very patient. Maria described her flu symptoms over the last few days and asked the nurse if it were possible for her to go home early. The nurse looked at her for a moment, silent, brows knit, and then, glancing around quickly to make sure they were alone in the room, leaned in to Maria and said,
"Honey, you know, it might not be the flu you have right now." Maria frowned.
"Well, yeah, but I kind of figure that whatever it is, it's still making me feel sick." The nurse looked at her again, and seemed to decide something.
"Have you checked to see if you're…pregnant?" She asked delicately. Maria almost laughed.
"Of course not. That's more or less impossible," Maria said with a smile. Unless people began to reproduce from kissing, she was otherwise safe. However, the nurse looked unconvinced.
"You know, nausea, fatigue, headaches and bloating are all common side affects. Why don't you just check? I'd really feel better if you did," the nurse asked her in a concerned tone. Maria could tell that revealing her V-card might not hold a lot of credit with this nurse, who obviously believed otherwise of all teenage girls.
"I'm pretty sure that's not the problem; things like that don't happen to me," Maria told her. The nurse shuffled over to a cabinet under the sink and took out a little box.
"Why don't you just try this," she insisted, handing the box to Maria. Maria could see it was a pregnancy kit. She almost laughed, but didn't since the nurse seemed to be taking it seriously.
"Look, why don't you just go in there" the nurse pointed to the bathroom door in the corner of the room-
"And just see what this comes up with? It's real easy to use, you just have to follow the instructions on the box," she said. Maria sighed. She just wanted to go home! Her head was now throbbing. Well, if I show her the negative result, she'll see that I have the flu instead and then just let me go home, she thought. She felt kind of bad that she'd be wasting the test instead of leaving it for someone who really needed it, but at least this way she'd be able to go home, and she’d have practice, at least, for when she was older and presumably married. This nurse probably stockpiled them, anyways.
"Okay, sure..." she told the nurse, taking the box reluctantly from the nurse's hands. The nurse put a reassuring palm on her shoulder. Maria walked into the bathroom.

This is a rather strange contraption, she thought, reading the instructions printed on the side of the box. How interesting that so many people find a use for this. She proceeded to use it, and checked her hair in the little mirror while waiting for the result to show up. She checked it. "The color is blue, and that means..." she checked the box for what color it said next to not-pregnant.
"Wait...it says here I should have red, not blue," she mumbled.
"What did I do wrong?" She reread the directions; it looked like she had done everything. Then why was the color wrong? Her eye caught a shade of blue shown on the box the exact shade of the one she had gotten. "Oh, here it is; blue means..." she stopped, her voice caught.
Pregnant? Blue meant pregnant?
But that was impossible! Scientifically, even! The kit had erred. How else could it be explained? Her mind raced over the last few days, but she hadn't done anything that even in some weird, one in a million chances could have gotten her pregnant. Why was it blue? How was this possible? She sat staring at the kit, motionless. It does explain a lot, she thought slowly. It almost makes more sense than the flu. But, it can't be. It isn't possible. Period. She walked back into the nurse’s office.
"Thanks, that helped. I feel better now; I'm going to go to lunch. Bye," she said in a rush, and hurried out before the nurse could say another word. Nurse Serephemi watched the now pale, thin girl hurry out of the room. What happened to that girl was none of her business, she thought, but she hoped she had at least helped a bit.

Maria skipped going back to her lunch period and instead headed straight for the end stall of the girls' bathroom, where she sat with her head in her hands. This-isn't-possible-this-isn't-possible-this-isn't-possible! Repeated an endless mantra in her head. Small tears began to run silently down her quivering face and get caught in the longer tresses of her hair. Please, God, help me, she said, offering an unspoken prayer. Whatever is going on, please, make it stop! This cannot be happening. It is not possible. It can't be. This prayed, she decided that nothing more could be done right now, and after drying her eyes on some paper and rinsing them with cold water, she waited until the bell rang and then reluctantly headed to physics.

After school that day, she walked home instead of taking the bus. The thought of coming in contact with all those people was an idea she simply recoiled from at the moment. The walk gave her some time to think; what would she do, if indeed she were pregnant, as it seemed to be indicated? No one would ever believe that she had never done anything to cause it. She herself wouldn't believe it, if it weren't for the fact that it was happening to her. If that was the case, then, how did it happen? She kicked at a stone. She was no Mary; she had lied, snuck, and deceived. Her womb would hold no Jesus. So why would it be there? Why her? What would she do? What would her parents do to her? On the way home, she stopped at the local convenience store and picked up another test, just to make sure the first one had worked right. She avoided looking at the clerk, feeling just as ashamed if she had sat down and had a baby in the middle of the floor.

Back at home, she went up to the bathroom and used the second test. Be negative, she silently instructed it. Show me what I want to see.
It was positive. She wiped at swiftly building tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks and retreated to her room. Through her despair, she was able to smile when she saw Ishka curled up on the bed.
"Oh Ishka, my baby, my babishka...Ishka..." she said softly, stroking the soft fur of the cat and resting her head on Ishka's belly. Ishka tucked her own head in tighter and offered a grumble of sleepiness. Maria's hands encircled the cat's body, and she closed her eyes. "I don't know what to do..." she murmured. "I don't know what to do."
Sleep quickly claimed her body, but her mind remained coherent. She found herself in a dreamscape of an indeterminate shade. Where am I? She wondered. Am I dreaming? I must be, mustn't I? Then what am I dreaming of? Clouds the color of something dreary curled around her feet, washing far out into the distance, toward an invisible horizon.
"Maria..." she heard, a soft voice booming across the dark landscape. She turned around, unsure of from where it had come. She saw nothing at all, besides the fuzzy clouds that wove their way around and around. From somewhere that sounded far away, an inarticulate chant started. She tried to hear the words, but they blended together; all she could discern was the rise and fall in the voices. The longer she listened, the louder they got. She began to hear the quality of the voices; they were high and low, perfectly pitched and out of tune; and yet, they moved together in an endless stream. They had no direction; they flowed from all around. Finally, the voices became distinct enough for her to hear what they were chanting.
"Ave Maria, gratia plena..." she heard. What is that language? She thought. What are they saying about me?
"Benedicta tu en mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui..." She missed the last word.
"Sancta Maria, mater dei..." What was this? It sounded religious, almost. What was it they were saying? She was missing every couple lines of it.
"et en hora mortis nostrae." Wait, I kind of know that, she thought. It's like Spanish, she thought as the chant started up again. Et en hora...in the hour. Mortir is death, and nos is we. In the hour we die? She thought. Why, that sounds like...kind of sounds like...the Hail Mary, she realized. Was she supposed to be in a church? What was happening?
"Dominus tecum. Benedicta tu en mulieribus..." Why were they singing that?
"Maria," a voice called to her. The voice was low and melodic; it calmed her.
"Yes? Who are you? Where am I? Am I dreaming?" She called back nervously.
"Maria, stay strong. You have been chosen. Are you willing to accept? You may decline."
"Chosen for what? Decline what? What are you talking about?" She asked nervously. She wrapped her hands tighter around her body. All at once, the clouds cleared, and she felt as if she were one of them, light and airy. And at that moment, she understood what was being asked of her. She thought about it for a moment, and then replied,
"Yes. I don't know how I will, but I shall, and I will do it joyfully.” She glanced around the empty plane; the lack of something solid beneath her feet was making her feel off-balance.
"Yes, you may return soon," the voice replied, answering her unspoken question. "Worry not, Maria. This was only a test to see if you were ready. You are, but this shall wait for a later time, when you needn't worry about other things. Go, and be blessed." And with that, the clouds returned, swirling and billowing in the darker space, until Maria couldn't see anything at all. She soon woke up.

"Ishka," she said. The cat lifted her head from her sleep and stared at Maria. Giving herself a shake, Ishka stretched and got up, hopping off the bed. She waited for Maria to follow her. Ishka led her to the bathroom, where Maria got a cup of water for her to drink, and then Maria closed the door behind her and used the toilet. She discovered, to little surprise, that her period had started. I guess that's that, for now, she thought. But one day, it will happen again. And when it does, she thought, I will be ready.