John The Froginator Dragon

Hookay, so there was the end of the world. California was hangin' with Hawaii when a nuclear war erupted. Everyone except for Alaska, Czechoslovakia and Oprah died. Dragons moved in and so did the frogs. Something happened, which will not be explained, and now there are Dragon-Frogs, if you get what I mean. (Read with French accent for Muhammad and narration.)

John The Froginatordragon©
People say that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes.
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So, there was one special Dragon-Frog in paticular. His Name was John the Froginatordragon. John was always happy and kind. He had a green body, and a orange head. John always wore sunglasses. He thought that everyone in the world was kind. John never watched the news, so he never learned of all of the evil people in the world. Mr. Froginatordragon live in a small city called Corc. It had a lot of land, but it wasn’t very big. He was deathly allergic to potatoes. He was watching Viva La Spam when there was a knock at the door.
“Who’s therrrrrrrre?” John asked, but it didn’t do him much good because every time he said this, he burnt down his door.
“It’s Muhammad!!!!” Muhammad said in that excited voice people use when they meet somebody that they are seeing for the first time in a long time. Muhammad was a tall, fit, very green piece of lettuce.
“Oh, Muhammad!!!! Who are you?” asked John
“Muhammad!!!!!”
“Ya, I know.”
“Then why did you ask?” Then Muhammad left. Five minutes later there was another knock on what was left of the door. You don’t know me, but I need your help.”
“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?”
“The author was bored.”
“Ya, that happens.”
“So, I am Muhammad, King of thee Salaad people. We are at war with thee French Fry Peoplez. They er very mean. They have on…”
“Please stop talking like that!” Exclaimed John.
“Sorry, Mate. (Now read with Australian accent, like the guys in Dude Where’s
My Car.) They have an evil king, whose name we do not know.. mate. Hay, I’m hungry, can you put some shrimp on the barbe? (Switch back to French.) So, we need you to git rid of dis evil king. Will you do this?”
“Sure, just let me pack.” John put on sunglasses, a Von Dutch hat, some bling, and a fur coat. Then he put two scoops of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a waffle cone in his pocket.
“I don’t tink dat you have thee right artier for dis journey, but what evair.”So, then they went off. They hopped a pretty easy hop for two days. Since Lettuce can’t hop, Muhammad used a pogo stick. After the two days the travelers reach a river. They chopped down a near tree and made very luxurious boat, which took them four minutes less than a year. The travelers sailed for three minutes when the river split. The travelers only knew three things. The French Fry capitol was on the western shore of these lands and a little north. The Evil cities of Gardener and Livingston were south, and the Padres were two games above 500. So North they went. They had sailed for seven more minutes when they reached a lake. The water was very hot and steaming. They sailed for thirty-six more seconds when the boat caught on fire. Muhammad quickly blamed John for the fire, but John knew that Muhammad was covering up for leaving the box on the pizza when he put it in the microwave. After a lot of arguing, they agreed that next time they would get delivery, not Disgwarnos. When they were done arguing, most of the boat was gone and Muhammad’s clothes were on fire. They quickly stamped them out and jumped into the water. They were sure thought that the water would be cold, but it was steaming hot. They quickly got out of the water, and luckily, they were at the other slide of the lake. They could not figure out why the water was so hot. Three days later, they decided to look to the sides and they saw that the Fan- Mortar mountains were on either side of them. They were in a valley. Just as they noticed this they heard a loud noise. Lava was pouring down a mountain. They quickly scrambled up one of the mountains. The lava went straight down the valley and into the lake.
“Hay, I can see my house from here!” exclaimed John. “Lets call that a Vol.”
“’Kay… No! Hay lets call it a volcano.”
“Okay.” So then our hero’s called the trademark committee on Muhammad’s new Razor and trademarked volcano. The phone came with the boat. Volcano, Volcano, Volcano. Now you owe them $.75. They don’t take Visa.
John and Muhammad dicided to stay in the mountains with fear of another volcano eruption (That’s another $.25). Three days they decided to go to sleep under a bolder, which really hurt, after hiking without rest. During the night they were kidnapped by living Gnomes.
When they woke up, John and Muhammad were surrounded by Gnomes. Muhammad’s phone rang and the Gnomes quickly grabbed it. The Gnomes needed a new cell phone, and very much wanted a camera phone with free text messaging. After a year, John figured out that the Gnomes were made of wood and wood caches on fire. John insulted the garden ordainments and said “You Got Burned!” The Gnomes ran away thinking that they were on fire and John and Muhammad were free. The hopped for two more miles when they came forest. Not knowing any better, they entered the forest. Right after they entered the forest, they saw Kitty Slugs. Kitty Slugs are Slug bodies with cat heads. Our hero’s ran and ran until they saw light. Without thinking they ran straight to the light and walked off a cliff. Nine hours later, they woke up fully paralyzed. Right next to the was a river and they swam down stream. Finally, they came to a sign:
Welcome to Livingston
Home of the Claritin Factory
(Union workers will be prosecuted to the full consent of the law.)
“Claritin, they make potato allergy pills, just what I need. We have to get some.” Exclaimed John. John and Muhammad went into Livingston looking for a Pharmacy. A few days later they found a KnawMart. They say they make life easier, but it was really hard to find. They walked up to the Pharmacist and asked for bottle of Claritin. His name tag read Dr. Evil.
"That will be twenty- five cents.” said Dr. Evil.
“Sir, that’s not that much any more.” explained #2 from Austin Powers.
“Okay. Your total is one, no two billion, trillion, zillion dollars and seventy- five cents.”
“No. I only have two billion, trillion, zillion dollars and seventy- four cents.” Cried John.
“To bad. Please come again.” Dr. Evil said in and Apu voice.
John and Muhammad decided that they must steal the Claritin. The heroes ran in the factory pretending that they had guns, even though it was their fingers (seahorse can’t tell the difference), and stole a bottle of Claritin. They also took some ‘Hair Today Gone Tomorrow’. Then they ran as fast as they could from the below minimum wage working seahorses. They ran until they reached another town. It was Bozer, a Dragon-frog city. The Bozereaneseishers were fast to fight off the seahorses by launching light bulbs out of a catapult. John and Muhammad took a thirty-nine second rest before leaving with a angry mob after them. Our heroes headed north back along the edge of the forest, where they briefly met by the Kitty Slugs for tea. Tea time was interrupted by a loud scream. The French Fries were attacking the Kitty Slug city of Waterford. They were raiding the glass factory. All of the Kitty Slugs died. John blew fire and burned all of the French Fries. Then he said, “You got burned,” and flew away. After the battle of which no one survived, John was very angry. Muhammad died. Make sure you make out all of the money to just John. He started to fly towards the French Fry capitol, Kilkenny. John became very hungry and stopped at the French Fry City, Butte. He ate every fry that walked down the street until the town was deserted. John would have never done this before. He never dreamed of wiping out a whole town. This is when it occurred to John that he was a killer.
John, once again, started his journey towards Kilkenny, he island city. It was very gloomy and dark. In the center lay a tall black palace. There was a small rain cloud hovering over the palace. He stormed into the great French Fry palace. He was met by a huge army of 100,000,000.5 frozen French fries. A chair swiveled around on top of a platform. It was Morgan Spurlock (from ‘Super Size Me’, now on DVD and video), the king of the French Fries. He was the first evil person that John had ever met.
Then Morgan revealed his evilllllll plan.” I want people to get fat so I can make a sequel.” John quickly blew his fire breath and started to cook the French Fries. Then he popped a Claritin and started eating. He ate all of the French Fries and then he ate Morgan. John ate one man too many. All of Morgan’s cholesterol clogged Johns arteries, and John had a heart attack.
………………………………………………………………………………………………After a six and a half page flash back, John woke up. The doctors had to give him a fake body. After seeing such shredded potatoes, John seemed very traumatized. After being the cause of death for so many, he was now very grumpy. His new body was a stick figure. John walked outside. The whole town was having a parade for him. John now lived in depression because of all of the death that he caused. He couldn’t look in a mirror ever again, knowing that he wiped out a whole species. Then John reached into his pocket and took out his Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Still a perfect scoop. It was truly a miracle.