Where am I?

I’m wondering where she went
This person I used to know.
I’m wondering if I will see her
I sure do miss her so.

I have searched for her all over
The places she used to be.
She was fun and happy and full of life
This person I look for is me.

I want to feel alive again
To feel excitement inside
At simple little pleasures
Instead I run and hide.

It seems everything that I once was
Was somehow tied to you . . .
Every laugh and every smile
Every happy moment I knew.

I’ve got to get me back again
There are others who also miss me.
My kids . . . they wonder why I’m not
The mom I used to be.

I know you would hate the way
Your death has changed my heart.
Oh Mom, please tell me how to do this
Just give me a little start.

I’ve tried the fake, I’ve tried the lie
I’ve tried the hiding to cry.
Do you know a way to get me back?
You know that I will try.

I know the answer but it doesn't help,
Let my faith in God prevail
Know you’re with him, safe and sound
And my heart will soon be well.

I guess the time is just not right
With the Holidays at our door.
I'll wait until after January first
And look for me just once more.