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Rated: · Monologue · Comedy · #1040373
Christmas, a time to feel good.
Oh, yeah, there he is. He’s the last kid in line, two kids away, and I’m out of tissues.

Yeah, yeah. Of course you want a baby-doll, sweetie. Your mommy sure has pretty eyes.
I wish it was grown up day.

Will you look at that guy? He’s just gonna let that green slug crawl out of his nose.
Oh! There it is. Wipes it on his arm.

Well, Merry Christmas, and don’t forget to leave me some cookies and beer.
Milk, milk.
Bye.

Next.

Well, aren’t you just full of questions?
Yes, ok don’t touch that, yes, it is a fake beard. I’m here for the believers. Yeah, yeah, shut up and smile for the camera.
Right there, hold it, hold it, there.
Bye.

Damn.

Okay, Sir Snots-a-lot. Don’t touch me, don’t touch me, don’t…

Thanks, Mommy.

Five minutes away from my break, and your kid slimes me. I gotta pay to get this damned suit cleaned.
Well, your pretty smile won’t work on me. Do I have my kid wipe his snot on you?

Yes, yes, all the little boys want a new game player. And a puppy, and a pony, and a…
Mm? What’s this? Your auntie needs a new boyfriend?

Here, let me get that little boogie for you. I don’t use that sleeve anyway. Okay, yeah, that’s it.
That’s enough.

Damn.

She does have a beautiful smile.
Okay, there’s the camera. Right there. Not there, there.
The Camera, you’re here for a picture.
Right there.

No. Look; see down Santa’s green snotty sleeve, yes that’s the camera. That’s right. Smile.

Nooo, no. Don’t cry, don’t cry.
Look, Santa has a treat for you, yes.

Okay, here comes Auntie. Oh, what beautiful contacts. I don’t care, I like 'em. And what a lovely blouse, she could feed twins if she had to.
Yes, yes, does auntie want in the picture?
Yes, I wish it were adult night.
Okay, good bye.
Break time.
Hey auntie, if you need anything, here’s my card. Yeah, well it is a seasonal gig, and it’s for charity.
Of course I have a real job. So, anyway, if you have any computer questions I’m just a click away. Yeah, I can teach you lots of things about your computer.
As a matter of fact I am in the process of expanding my services to make house calls, and I take payment in the form of milk and cookies.
Well good, yes, I’d like that.
Milk and cookies, steak and beer. What ever.
I hope you don’t have cats.
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas.
Call me.
Next.

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