Lost and Found; Found and Lost

Kacey: May 2002
“I can’t believe you talked me into having dinner with your family, Josh. You know how much your mother hates me.” Kacey said as she opened the passenger side door that led her one step closer to the woman she spoke of.
“Kacey, you are my best friend. I don’t care what my mother thinks of you.” Josh said as he circled the late model Jeep Wrangler to join her up the walkway.
“That’s not the point; she doesn’t want me to be with you, why would you bring me to her birthday dinner?” Kacey whined as Josh opened the door and led Kacey into the noise that was his now-packed house.
“Kacey, it’s going to be okay, there are 10 other people here and you won’t even have to talk to her if you…” But Josh was interrupted by his brother Tyler.
“There’s my girl” Tyler said as he walked up to Kacey and hugged her hard.
“Tyler, where have you been? It’s like you disappeared.”
“Yeah, I moved to Florida to be with our father. I figured Josh would have told you. I couldn’t stay here with her, you know.” Tyler said, looking toward his mother.
“Of course I know, she can’t stand me, for no reason at all.” Kacey replied.
Kacey truly didn’t know why Karen, Josh’s mother, didn’t like her. She had never done anything to make Karen think she was a bad person, in fact, they barely knew each other. Kacey and Josh were just friends.
It bothered her that Karen didn’t like her, especially because she was sure it was because Karen thought that Kacey and Josh were sleeping together. Sure, they’d experimented, they were way too close to not have, but they weren’t sleeping together; not yet at least.
As josh and Tyler led her to the dinner table where their family was gathering, Kacey decided not to let it bother her. She was with two of her favorite people and she was going to enjoy herself. Seeing Tyler was a pleasant surprise, one she would take advantage of.
About halfway through dinner Kacey decided to tell Josh about the looks his mother had been throwing at her throughout the meal. Josh’s reaction was a kiss on the cheek, his usual ‘I can’t do anything about it, I’m sorry’ response. When dessert was served Kacey had had it. She started to get up to leave and knocked Josh’s fork to the ground.
As she leaned over to pick it up she got a brilliant idea. If Karen thought that she and Josh were together, she might as well be with him. She looked up at Josh as she reached for the fork that had landed between his legs; it was now or never. No one was watching them. The party was loud and Kacey was positive the only person who would notice where she had disappeared to would be Karen. Kacey moved quickly and, unbuttoning Josh’s pants (he only protested a little); she knew Karen would now have a real reason to hate her.
It only took about 5 minutes, but Karen knew what was going on. When Kacey returned to her seat, Karen was livid.
“What the hell were you doing young lady?” she all but screamed. The whole party quieted as Kacey looked her in the eye.
“I lost my fork” Kacey said, smiling, “in Josh’s pants.” The whole table looked on in shocked amusement as Kacey then stood up, grabbed Josh’s hand and left the house. Tyler followed the two out screaming about how brilliant Kacey had been.


Josh: July 2002
“Randy, man, I’ve got to be with her.” Josh told his best friend as they walked in the door to their new apartment. “I’ve just got to make her mine.”
He was talking about Kacey, of course. As Randy knew Josh had supported him the early stages of his relationship with his girlfriend Leslie, Kacey’s best friend, he was more than willing to listen to Josh, usually. This time, however he was completely annoyed.
“Josh, you’ve been talking to her since we got up this morning, you talked about her through breakfast, you talked about her while we were playing basketball, and you were even talking about her the whole time we were with Leslie and Kacey. You have to say something to her, she has no idea.”
“I know this is ridiculous, but I’d rather stay her friend and not let her know how I feel, than loose her completely.”
“Dude, the two of you are already sleeping together.” Randy said “You’ve got all the benefits of a relationship without the pain of being in a relationship. You’ve got what you’ve always wanted!”
“No we aren’t sleeping together, that is we haven’t had sex. Just because she spends the night sometimes doesn’t mean anything. Not what I want it to mean anyway.”
“Call her, ask her on a date. I’ll leave, stay with Leslie, you can have the place to yourself. Make her dinner or something, seduce her. You’ve never had any difficulties doing that with anyone else.”
Josh had no response to this. Kacey was different. Kacey actually meant something to him. No one ever had before.
“You’re right. I’ve just got to do this.” Josh said as he ran to grab his phone.
The date was set. Next Wednesday he would take the risk, he would let Kacey know how he was feeling. There were a lot of things he had to do before then. Shopping, plans, he had to come up with something to cook for her. He needed to clean his room, the apartment. Everything had to be perfect.


Kacey: August 2002
Why was she nervous, it was just Josh, they were just going to spend some time alone together. It’s not like they’d never been alone together. But this was different. They had planned it in advance. Leslie had told her that Josh was really looking forward to this night, that he was planning on cooking. Was he trying to change things, was he hoping for more. Kacey had no idea. She didn’t know if she was ready to take that next step with him, she somehow knew that it would be Josh though.
She had dressed like this would be the night, she had selected her clothes carefully; pink skirt, black shirt. Josh had told her once that he liked her in pink. The drive over seemed a lot longer than it ever had before. When Kacey got to his apartment, she let herself in and stood, shocked, at what she saw. The apartment was clean, cleaner than it had been even the day they moved in. It smelled wonderful; Josh obviously knew his way around the kitchen. How is it that she didn’t already know that?
She acted on impulse and moved toward him. He turned when she entered the kitchen, a shy smile on his face. He looked great, all dark and handsome in black slacks and a black shirt.
“Hi” he said after a long minute “How are you?”
“I’m good, thanks, you?” Why were they doing this, they never did this. It was, for the first time, awkward.
“I’m good. Dinner is almost ready, why don’t you do me a favor and open that wine that’s on the counter. We’ll let it breathe a little but.”
With that he turned and continued to add ingredients to the platter he was making. He had made chicken, homemade pasta and sauce. She knew he had gone to a lot of work, he even remembered what her favorite dish was. Kacey realized that this could be easy, that with Josh, everything could be easy. She quickly forgot her nerves as she set out to find the corkscrew.
Dinner was wonderful; he had lit candles and dimmed the lights. He had even gotten flowers, pink roses, and left them in various places throughout the room. Conversation flowed, from the everyday to the ridiculous. It was, in a word, perfect.
As they sat on the couch with their glasses of wine the conversation began to lull. Kacey was, once again, nervous. She knew what might happen, she wanted it to happen, but that wouldn’t change the fact that she had never been in this place before, it wouldn’t change the fact that she had never given herself to a man. Was she ready? Did it matter? She would soon find out.
Josh took the first move. Taking the wine glass out of her hand, he leaned toward her and kissed her gingerly. He pulled pack and looked her in the eye. She saw the question, and in that instant she knew all the answers. She let him lead her into his room, a place she thought she already knew, but it was different. Somehow everything had changed.
He walked in behind her and closed the door. He then moved toward her slowly, their eyes locked together. He pulled her to him, his arms around her waist and once again lowered his lips to hers. His kiss drew her in, lingering and sweet. When he lifted her shirt over her head, she pulled him back; pulled his mouth over hers. She un-tucked his shit and allowed her hands to explore the hard strength in his back. Her mouth moved away from his as she undid the buttons one by one, her warm hands moving over his skin, heating it with every movement. She felt his breath flutter on her cheek as he pulled her mouth to his once again and removed his shirt. He led her to the bed and laid her down slowly, removing the remainder of their clothes on the way. She watched him as he took her innocence; never let her eyes leave his face. He took her slowly; showing her all he could. She took over him and he no longer had any control. Neither of them did. It was too much to handle, they both lost control, almost simultaneously.
They laid side by side, lost in their own thought. She wasn’t ready for what had just happened. Not the sex, no, that was easy. There was too much emotion, too much behind that one simple act. She was not ready to be in love.


Josh: September 2002
“That was a great movie.” Leslie said as the four of them left the theater.
“I liked it.” Kacey said as she took Leslie’s hand and the two of them began their own conversation.
“Dude,” Randy said to Josh “What should we do now?”
“What I was thinking would not involve you” was Josh’s reply. “Everything is just so great; it’s all finally falling together. I told her I love her last night, I finally fucking told her.”
“And…” Randy prompted
“She loves me too. She actually loves me too.”


Kacey: October 2003
“Joshy, why does your mom want me to go with you? We both know she hates me.” Kacey complained.
They were on their way back to Karen’s house. A place Kacey thought she would never return to. She had told Josh that it was important, that there was someone there that he needed to see. She had called him only 20 minutes before, telling him to hurry over and to bring Kacey with him.
“Baby, I have no idea what’s going on, I just know that she asks very little of me, so when she says it’s important, it’s important.” Josh said before grabbing Kacey’s hand and kissing it.
When they walked in the door, Kacey knew something was up; something big. Not only was Karen being decent toward her, Karen had even offered her some tea and told her she looked “lovely, just lovely”. Kacey had put up her guard automatically.
“Josh, hon, I’ve missed seeing you. It’s been too long since you’ve come by.” Karen started.
“Mom, do we really need to do this again? You told me not to come over if I was still with Kacey, I don’t understand why all of a sudden you wanted me to come here, let alone to bring Kacey here.”
Kacey was really worried about what Karen might say next. She grabbed Josh’s had hoping to gain some sort of reassurance. His palms were damp, he was nervous too.
“Josh, there’s someone here to see you.” She said.
Karen then stood up and left the room. When she returned there was a woman with her, a woman with a small child toddling in behind her. Josh gripped tighter on Kacey’s hand.
“Britney, what are you doing here?”
So Josh knew this woman. But what about the child?
“Josh, Britney’s been trying to find you for a while. She’s got something to tell you.” Karen spoke up.
Kacey knew what it was, of course she knew. When? Did he know? She dropped Josh’s hand just as the woman he had called Britney spoke, her southern drawl annoyingly perky.
“Josh, I want you to meet Jessica.” She said, pointing to the girl at her feet “your daughter.”


Josh: October 2003
Daughter, he had a daughter. Josh was so confused, so angry. He felt so cold.
“What are you talking about? She’s not mine, she can’t be. You would have told me. You didn’t tell me. Good God, how could you not tell me? How can you be sure, you slept around more than anyone I know? I can’t be a father” Josh sounded desperate.
But when he took a moment to look, to really look, at the face, the beautiful face, of the girl called Jessica, he knew he was her father. Oh god, Kacey, what was Kacey thinking, what was he thinking. Damn her, damn Britney. How could she just drop this on him? Damn his mother, damn them all.
“I… I have to go.” Kacey said. There were tears in her eyes, but as she left Josh could follow her. He couldn’t take his eyes off his daughter, his daughter. He was a father.
He stood and walked to the little thing. She was a sprite of a girl, tiny with a pixie like face and his eyes. She had his eyes. He bent to pick her up and she lifted her arms for him. He had a baby.


Kacey: March 2005
Kacey walked the grocery store. She was very disinterested, as any single lonely woman would be. She didn’t care; she didn’t really need any groceries anyway. She was here because she needed to go out; she needed to leave her apartment. Leslie had moved out less than a month ago. She and Randy were engaged and they had decided to live together before the wedding. Kacey hated being alone.
She turned down an aisle and almost ran over a little girl who was fixated on a breakfast cereal advertising a toy that she was telling the world at large that she just had to have. Kacey smiled down at her and the girl smiled back, showing that one of her two front teeth was missing. Cute girl, Kacey thought as the girl ran off carrying the cereal.
It was a couple aisles later that she saw the girl again. This time she was eyeing a bag of cookies that was way too high for her little arms to reach. Amused, Kacey grabbed the bag and handed it to her.
“Thanks” the girl said. “Daddy said I could pick out one kind, but I had to be able to reach it. It still counts if someone helped me, right?”
Kacey had no idea how to respond. What a wonderful little girl.
“Of course it does. We just won’t tell him that I helped you” Kacey said, bending down to tie the little girls’ shoe.
“Jessie” a voice behind her said “What did I tell you, you could only get the ones you can reach. I don’t think you got those on your own.” He was joking with her, Kacey could tell by the tone of his voice.
“I got them without you so I can have them.” The girl said, walking to the man behind Kacey. She stood and turned, looked the father in the eye and just about fainted. Josh. After all this time there he was. In the grocery store. Damn it.
“Kacey” Josh said. He was as shocked as she.
“Josh, wow. You must be Jessica.” Kacey said, focusing on the girl who was clinging to her fathers’ leg. “I’m Kacey. I’m a friend or your daddy’s.”
The little girl looked wary all of a sudden. It was like she could feel the tension between Kacey and Josh.
“So,” Josh said shortly “how are you? What are you up to now?”
“You don’t really want to do this, do you?” Kacey said. It still hurt. Josh had picked up his life and left. He had moved away to be closer to Britney; to be closer to his daughter.
When Britney had left him alone with Jessica, almost a year ago, Kacey had known. He didn’t come back though. He had told her he’d come back if he could.
“Yes, I do.” Josh said “I want you to be a part of my life. I’ve missed you.”
It could be easy, it could be really easy. She could take him back, they could live the way they had. Man and woman and child. There was a child now.
“It’s so complicated now.” She couldn’t give herself to him again. He had hurt her so badly.
“No its not. You are single; I know you are. We had dinner with Leslie and Randy last night. Just come to dinner tonight. We haven’t moved in completely yet, but we’re here. Just come to dinner.”
“Josh, it’s the “we”. You aren’t just Josh anymore. You have a beautiful little girl. I can’t come into that, I don’t want to. I’m sorry”
“Kelsey, it’s just dinner, nothing more. Just come see us, just give me a chance. Please” He looked so sad, like he really wanted to spend time with her.
“Please?” Jessica asked “Daddy and I will make you dinner and everything.” She had obviously changed her mind about Kacey.

Josh: March 2005
He’d done this before, for Kacey. It had all been for Kacey or Jessica. Now the two of them were together, sitting in his living room playing with his little girls’ Barbie dolls. He could live like this; the three of them, a family. He’d dreamed of it for so long he had to pinch himself to remember that this was real.
“Daddy, Daddy”
Jessica interrupted his thoughts and shot him back to reality. When he looked up Kacey was standing in the doorway, Jessica was in her arms. He wished he was a painter. He would paint them just like that, flushed with laughter, their faces turned toward one another, smiles on their faces.
“Josh, you are staring” Kacey said, once again bringing him back like to the real world.
“Daddy, is dinner ready yet?” Jessica asked.
Dinner was, as it always had been with Kacey, perfect. The three of them just got along so well. Jessica adored Kacey, Josh adored Kacey. He just wasn’t sure how she felt about them. Time, he would give her time. That’s something he had a lot of.


Kacey: July 2005
When had they become a part of her life? She couldn’t tell for sure but, as they left the zoo, hand in hand, Kacey knew she was in trouble. They were friends again. She didn’t know if she could handle more, but they were friends. She had fallen in love with the little girl almost immediately. She had fallen for Josh again also.


Josh: July 2005
He had talked her into staying with her. He knew it probably wasn’t the right way to get her back but he needed her. He hated having her in his house, with his daughter but not having her for himself. Not being able to touch her, to kiss her, to make love with her as they once had was really getting to him.
So he took advantage of her. She was tired, they had had a long day, and he knew he got to her. So what if he decided to push the right buttons, she was with him, in his bed, naked and sated next to him. Sleeping. It could be like this, every night, every morning. He wanted to wake up next to her.


Kacey: September 2005
They hadn’t gone out alone together in a long time. Since before Jessica came into his life. She knew it was a big deal that he had hired a babysitter and asked her to dress up.
The restaurant was nice, high end. Classy. He was wearing a tux.
She was completely unaware of what was going on.


Josh: September 2005
“Marry Me, Kacey.”


Josh and Kacey: January 2006
“I do.”