Jade

How could he just sit there like that? How… could he be so perfect? He wasn’t even into sports, so he wasn’t a jock. He held pretty good grades, from what I could tell, but then so did I. It wasn’t like he did anything spectacular in class or in the hallways. Just… being seemed to be enough for him to draw attention. What was it about him that made him so irresistible? Well… okay, so he was one of the best looking guys in the school, I’d give him that. He had this coal black hair that would just… hang down in front of these amazing green eyes. And not just any green, a pale, milky jade. Oh, I could just stare at them forever. That’s when I noticed that I WAS staring and I dropped my head back down so I could stare at my open Chem book. Not that I could read the words, or even see the page. Hell, I was lucky that I could still feel my fingers curling around the cold bench I was on. It did help my long hair cover up the mounting blush that had taken hold of me, though.

I don’t know how long I stared at that one number. I think it was a seven. But pretty soon I saw him walking toward me… and then past me. I heard the door next to me open and then glide shut before I breathed out a sigh of relief, the tension pouring straight out of me like a plug had been pulled. Why would he give me the time of day, anyway? He had girls swooning, falling at his feet for just the chance to go out with him. He had cool friends that looked almost as good as him. There was no way he was going to take notice of… someone as plain and ordinary as me.

I went home and threw my backpack onto my bed, making a straight line for my dresser mirror. I stared at myself for the longest time. Long brown hair… just past my shoulders. Pale brown eyes and a pretty ordinary complexion. There was certainly nothing extraordinary about the way I looked. Not like him… not like those eyes. My body didn’t even really gain attention from anyone, being that I was just a little too lanky for my age. My parents had said that it didn’t matter what I looked like, that it was what was inside that counted. Why do parents say that shit? All it did was confirm what I’d always thought about myself. That I didn’t look like anything special.

The next day, I still couldn’t get him out of my mind. It wasn’t until my second class, PE, that I saw him. Of course… he wasn’t in my class, his was currently on the other side of the gym warming up for… well, whatever they were going to do. It then came to my attention that I didn’t even know what we were going to do since I’d been staring the entire time. But I just couldn’t help it. God, even his legs were sexy. It was right in the middle of my ogling that he decided to glance over at my class. Quickly… I ducked my head. He saw me… he saw me, I knew he saw me! If this kept up, it was going to get me into some real trouble!

Two days passed, and there we were in gym. Again. It was to my ‘delight’ that I actually paid attention that time. Of course, had I known what was going on that day, I would’ve made sure that I stayed home in bed with a pillow over my head. It seemed that it was time for the teachers to play ‘my class is better than yours’ and pit us against each other in a few games of basketball. Now he was going to learn just how pathetic I really was. Even though he wasn’t a jock, he had a nice body from what I could tell. Basketball… he was probably good at it. He was probably good at anything he did. I gave a gloomy sigh and got to my feet, waiting to be told what to do.

It wasn’t five minutes into the game before it happened. I’d done my best, I really had, but somewhere along the line I was pushed headlong into the bleachers. I hit my head pretty good, and despite the fact that the other team had a penalty for it… I still felt like a pretty big loser. So, there I was, pulling myself off of the second row when I felt something warm trickle down my face.

“Damn!” I heard from my teacher, who had come over to check on me. “Looks like you busted yourself open pretty good there.” I felt a towel being pressed to the spot where I’d hit my head and winced, the pain already throbbing through my entire skull. “We’ll get someone to escort you down to the nurse.”

“I’ll do it,” came a voice from just out of my sight. “I don’t mind.”

Of course my mind was a little scrambled at that point, and I was so embarrassed that I didn’t want to look at whoever it was playing ‘guide the bumbling idiot’. We were actually almost to the nurse’s office before I happened to notice the shoes of the person walking beside me. And then the legs. Oh, wow… there were those sexy legs, again. I could’ve just fallen over right then. I felt sick. This is who wanted to take me down to the nurse? The one person I wanted to least of all! He probably thought I was such a big baby… a joke…

“Hey, are you okay, there? You’re shaking,” he said to me, but I just kept walking, my steps coming quicker.

“I’m fine…” I whispered quickly. He didn’t say anything else, which was a relief. But then there was that silence. Even as we walked into the nurse’s office, there was silence. Where was she? I spotted the empty desk and gave a growl. “I was fine… before I was going to fucking bleed to death…” I murmured without thinking. It made him laugh…

“You’re not going to bleed to death. Sit down,” he commanded, scooting up a chair for me. Of course what was I going to do? Refuse? I found myself sitting on the hard chair, my head throbbing, my pride wounded beyond repair… and my heart fluttering rapidly in my chest. I heard him rummaging about, but my eyes just locked on one of the tacky tiles on the floor. The kind that they tried to make look interesting or… maybe even decorative. Still looked like shit. But it was something to stare at, at least. “Here… let me see.”

“What…? Oh, no! I-I’ll just wait for the nurse!” I spat out, keeping the towel pressed to my head.

“Come on. Not like I could make it any worse, huh?” he teased me, insisting that the towel come off. I relented, but only after a good deal of hesitation. What surprised me then was that he started cleaning it. “Oh, it’s not that bad. Head injuries always bleed a hell of a lot more than others. Makes you think that you’re gonna die or something.” I would’ve nodded, but that might’ve messed him up. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get any words out , either… so I just sat there like a vegetable, waiting for him to get finished.

In a matter of a few minutes he’d cleaned it up and put a bandage on it. And not one of those big ones that would’ve had me going around looking like a mugging victim, either. It was just a small little patch that managed to cover the wound without needing to wrap around my entire head four or five times. I reached up and felt it, amazed that he had the patience and the skill to do it so quick and neat.

“Wow… where’d you learn to do that?” I found myself asking out of blatant curiosity.

“Health class,” he said with a shrug, as if it was just something common that every student knew. “We just did first aid last week. Good thing, huh?” Then he looked at me. He looked at me with those creamy jade eyes and… he smiled. Oh, I thought I was going to melt right there! I lowered my gaze, trying not to let the smile that had formed on my lips take a turn into a straight out grin.

“Sorry… that you had to leave PE for this…” I offered softly, the throbbing in my head now going unnoticed over the pounding of my heart. It felt like it was going to just explode out of my chest at any moment. Annoying… more than anything.

“Eh. That’s okay. I hate basketball, anyway.”

“Really?”

“I suck at it,” he said with a laugh. That was a bit of a surprise for me, and even though I still felt like an idiot… it wasn’t quite as bad. “What, you think I’m joking? Did you see that shot I tried to take? I was a mile off!” I laughed then, shaking my head to tell him that I hadn’t seen it at all. I was far too worried about what I was going to do if I got the ball and he saw me do the same thing. “So… what about you?”

“What…?” My eyes went wide and I looked up at him.

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you don’t care much for basketball, either. What do you like?”

“O-oh… um. I like…” Well, I liked him, and that was the first thing that came to my mind. We weren’t going there, though. “I like books.” He lifted an eyebrow at me and I bit my lip nervously. “Like… fiction. Vampires, elves… you know, fantasy.” Now I felt like an idiot and a nerd. A dork. A geek. He obviously knew that I was thinking those things, because then he gave a shrug.

“Cool. I mean, I’m more of a video game guy, myself… but books are cool. Just as long as they’re not too boring.” I nodded at him. That was followed by the most awkward silence I’d ever experienced. I could’ve swore that days went by in those few minutes. I kept praying and hoping and hoping and praying… pleeeeease, let the nurse get back. Pleeeeeease.

“So, who are you going out with?”

That question sliced through me like a razor blade. How could he just sit there so calmly and ask me something like that? Of course it seemed an innocent enough question, so I just shook my head and started fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.

“No one…” Oh, that sounded so lame.

“Why not? No one catch your eye, yet?”

“Oh…” I said with a laugh, finding the entire situation rather ironic. “No, it’s not that. It’s just… I don’t think they’d like me. Not like that, anyway.” It was actually getting a little easier to talk to him, even though it was about a more uncomfortable subject. He just had such a warm quality to him, something that made me want to open up. Hell, for about two seconds I even debated telling him the way I felt. That idea died a very unnatural death the moment the nurse came in, though.

“Well… I’d better get back to class,” he said, backing up past her toward the door. “I’ll see ya.”

“See ya…”

We’d actually talked! Spoken! Exchanged words! Oh, I was so happy I could’ve exploded right then and there. Nothing seemed wrong for that entire day. I was still thinking about him constantly, sure… but not in a depressing way. I thought that one day… well, it was more of a daydream than anything, my hand in his… It was wonderful. But then the next day, I was sitting in the cafeteria. He was over there with his friends, just like always. But… he didn’t seem to see me, notice me. And there was no way I was going over to that table. Maybe if it was just him sitting there… but not with that crowd. He was considered one of the popular people, and me… I was just an outcast, a normal person that just didn’t associate with anyone enough to make friends.

I sighed and dug out my leftover homework, finishing it up at a slow pace. I couldn’t really think straight, not with all the depressing thoughts that came flying right back in my face. Here I’d thought that I’d managed to pull through, to break this sadness. He didn’t want to talk to me… not in front of all those big time friends of his. I couldn’t take it, anymore. I gathered my things up and left to head to class early. At least I wouldn’t be in the same room and wanting to scream. I would’ve probably done something crazy like… get up on the table and yell at the top of my lungs, confessing my love. That was what I really wanted to do. Wouldn’t have gone over real well.

The rest of the day was just as bad. I couldn’t focus, couldn’t even manage a smile. Not when at every turn I kept seeing those eyes in my head. I kept hearing that voice. The pleasant little daydream had shattered so quickly and there weren’t enough pieces left to salvage it. I idly wondered if this was what it was like to have a broken heart. Foolish idea, I knew. It wasn’t like I was really in love with him. It was just a stupid crush. It would go away in time.

I was walking home from school, then. I heard thunder overhead, but it didn’t matter. I felt like I was constantly getting rained on, anyway. Then a car pulled up beside me and I heard a familiar voice calling out to me.

“Hey! It’s gonna rain!” he said, flashing me a smile. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride!” I shook my head slightly, not wanting to make myself a nuisance to him yet again. But he motioned for me to hurry up so I caved in and slipped into the car. I… hadn’t even known that he had a car. “Hey, you look kinda down,” he observed as he pulled away from the curb. “Anything wrong?”

“No… no, I just… haven’t been having a good day,” I whispered, glancing out the window. “I… I live down on Witley street…” I offered, not wanting him to have to backtrack or drive in circles to get me home.

“Okay,” he said, his voice actually dropping a bit more than normal. “I’ve been having some problems, myself.” That one surprised me. He always seemed so cheery, so perfect. How could anything be troubling someone like him? “There’s this person that I really like, you see… but, they don’t really know that I like them.”

“Yeah… I know how that feels,” I mumbled out. I hadn’t really meant to do that, but… hey, it happens. I ducked my head a bit before looking out the window, anything to keep myself from staring at him and all his beauty.

“Well… there’s more of a problem to it than that.” I didn’t say anything. Neither did he for about a minute or so, which doesn’t sound like much unless you’re experiencing it in silence… alone… with your secret crush. “I’m into guys,” he finally admits, my eyes going wide as I actually stare at him without care. “I don’t know why. It’s been like that since high school. Girls are okay and all, but I don’t really want to… you know… do anything with them.”

“O-oh…” My face must’ve turned fifty shades of red in the space of a breath, my head returning to the down position as he turned down my road. “F-fifteen thirty-six… is my house…” He nodded, though I was lucky to catch it. He drove down and parked the car right in front of my house, but as I went for the door handle… he locked the car. I felt so many butterflies colliding in my stomach. I had that feeling like I was going to be sick again, but it wasn’t really… bad. It had to be the strangest thing I’d ever experienced.

“Listen… just for a minute, okay? And then you can go home and… and forget about all of this if you really want to. I’ve just got to say it before it kills me. I tried to tell one of my guy friends, but… I just couldn’t do it.” I nodded a little, forcing myself to look up into those eyes one more time. “It’s you…” he whispered, swallowing hard. “You’re the one I want… I know, I know. It’s nuts. But… I can’t help the way I feel, and I just had to tell you. Please don’t be angry with me. I promise that if you never want to see me again, I’ll do my best to stay out of sight.” He stopped then. I think he was waiting for some sort of response. My mouth was currently just so dry that I couldn’t seem to even part my lips to say anything. There was a faint noise that got caught in the back of my throat, but I don’t think he was able to translate. “I’m sorry…” For the first time I saw a look of despair on his face. The smile was gone, the carefree expression. He looked truly heartbroken.

“N-no…” I finally managed to say. “Don’t be. I…” What was I supposed to say? Well, hell… how could I NOT say it? “I… feel the same way.” It was like a punch in the gut. I wanted to gasp for air, but my body had locked up on me. But at the same time it was a weight being lifted off my shoulders, giving me a lightness I hadn’t felt in so long. He stared at me then, his lips finally twitching up into a smile.

“Are you… serious?” I nodded, the strap of my backpack clenched in my hand. The other… I felt a warm tickling sensation, glancing down to see his fingers sliding along it. “Can we… can we date, then? I mean… since we’re into each other like that…” He was trying to justify it, I knew he was. I think he was feeling a little more guilty about the fact that he was gay than I was. Of course it might’ve mattered to his ‘friends’ since he was so very popular. I really wasn’t sure what anyone would think if they saw us holding hands or anything. But why care? He was the only one in the world I wanted.

“I’d… like that,” I managed to reply, my breath once again stilling as his fingers interlocked with mine. There was a dizziness that claimed me then, and I almost didn’t see him leaning toward me until it was too late. More warmth… he was so close I could smell him. I felt his lips pressing against mine and trembled a little. It was like kissing silk, his perfection having no end. I thought that would be the end of it, but I felt the tip of his tongue rimming my mouth… and I was so desperate for just one taste of him that I let my lips part and accepted him completely. Strong arms came around me to pull me closer, lessening the awkward angle of the kiss. I wanted those hands on me everywhere… a thought that had me putting more passion into the kiss. It was amazing just how quickly that timidity had flown away.

We parted then, though I craved for more. It was too soon to broaden our relationship. It had just started, after all. But one day… one day I knew that we would be together in every way imaginable. I stepped out of the car and waved as he drove off, my backpack hanging from that one hand that had never released its white knuckled grasp.

I still think back on those days once in a while when it’s quiet. They were so fresh and sweet and romantic. But I was right. We did have a lot of firsts together. And we never once cared what anyone else thought of us. That was twenty years ago, though. My high school sweetheart anything but ordinary.

He comes into the room in the middle of my thoughts, handing me my cup of tea. Taking his place on the couch, he pulls me into his arms and holds me as we stare into the fire together.

“What were you thinking about?” he asks in a faint whisper, reaching for the blanket to cover us up.

“Oh… nothing…” I lie, my voice teasing as I stare up into those creamy jade eyes for what seems like the first time.