Something's Missing

ACT 1-SCENE 1(MIRANDA & ROB seated at table outside small college. ROB smoking a cigarette.)
MIRANDA-When do you smoke?
ROB-Smoking’s always helped me think.
MIR-Things that kill you should.
ROB-You’re such an activist.
MIR-Maybe you should promote something.
ROB-If I cared, I would.
MIR-You don’t care about anything.
ROB-Not enough to support it.
MIR-How’s your music coming?
ROB-Fine. The concert was last night.
MIR-Oh. I didn’t know. How was it?
ROB-Good. We may have made a deal.
MIR-What does that mean?
ROB-We might be recording soon.
MIR-I didn’t know if-
ROB-You wouldn’t.
MIR-Sorry if I’m not as enthused about your music as you are.
ROB-Yeah, me too.
MIR-But you don’t like my theatre so we’re even.
ROB-I never said I didn’t like your theatre. I said I didn’t like your drama.
MIR-Same thing.
ROB-No, not the same thing. This… this is drama.
MIR-I was just asking how things were going.
ROB-I know. But why ask if you don’t care?
MIR-Just thought that maybe...
JAX (entering)-Hey man, what’s up?
MIR-Hey Jax.
JAX-Can I bum a light?
ROB-Yeah sure.
JAX-Thanks man. Hey Miranda, you coming over tonight?
MIR-I might. I’ll have to see how much work I have.
JAX-Alright. Well, come on by if you want. Thanks again man for the smoke.(JAX exits)
ROB-Since when did you start hanging out with Jax?
MIR-We’re both in theatre, Rob. It was bound to happen sometime.
ROB-And you hang out with Steve & Wilhelm too?
MIR-Yeah. Not gettin’ jealous, are you?
ROB-Nah. Just making sure who’s keeping you busy.
MIR-What’s that supposed to mean?
ROB-Don’t worry about it. Look, we have a gig Friday night at their house. You hang out with them anyway so might as well stick around to hear me play, okay?
MIR-Fine.(RACHEL enters)
RACHEL-Hey guys.
MIR-Hello Rachel.
ROB-Hey Ray. You comin' to the show Friday?
RACHEL-You know I wouldn’t miss it.(RACHEL exits)
MIR-See, you have one fan.
ROB-Yeah. So do you think you’ll be going over to the Patton House tonight?
MIR-I don’t know. This paper from Drake is gonna be an all nighter. I just have to decide which night it’s gonna be.
ROB-You’ll get it done. You always do.
MIR-It’s on ethics in the workplace.
ROB-Ah, another God paper.
MIR-It doesn’t necessarily have to be on God. Though with Dr. Drake I’m sure he’d prefer it.
ROB-Write some bullshit about how it’s a sin to get a part by sleeping with the director.
MIR-Is that supposed to imply something?
ROB-Nope. All the shows here are professor directed. And they wouldn’t lose their job over you.
MIR-Thanks.
SCENE 2(Classroom MIRANDA & DR. DRAKE)
MIR-For this paper, do you want us to write on ethics in the workplace in general or our intended workplace specifically?
DR. DRAKE-Well, I didn’t specify but since you brought it up, it would be interesting to see your ethical stance on your intended workplace. But, you realize Miranda, you really should have come to me sooner. This paper is due to me by five o’clock on Friday.
MIR-I know. I’m getting to it. It’s just I’ve had a lot going on lately.
DR. DRAKE-Have you been getting enough sleep?
MIR-Yeah.
DR.DRAKE-What time did you get to bed last night?
MIR-I really don’t see what that has to do with anything. I know I didn’t get enough last year, but this year some other things are going on.
DR. DRAKE-All right. You should discuss what’s going on with your professors so that they don’t think that you’re just not doing the work.
MIR-I’m doing it. I’m just doing it in the order of my priorities.
DR. DRAKE-This paper may just help you figure out what those priorities should be, Miranda.(WILHELM enters)
WILHELM-You wanted to see me?
MIR-Hey.
WIL-Hi.
MIR-I’ll see you Friday.(MIRANDA exits)
DR. DRAKE-Yes. I did Wilhelm. I know you want to graduate eventually but, you wouldn’t be able to tell it from these grades.
WIL-But, sir-
DR. DRAKE-There’s no excuse for it.
WIL-I know.
DR.DRAKE-You realize we can’t continue to give you an academic scholarship if your academics are not meeting the requirements.
WIL-I know.
DR. DRAKE-What’s going on?
WIL-I don’t know.
DR. DRAKE-Are you getting enough sleep?
SCENE 3(Later that night at Patton House shared by JAX, STEVE and WIL)
JAX-How’d it go with the dean?
WIL-They want to put me on academic probation.
JAX-Well that’s not too bad. They’ll give you the money back when your grades go back up.
WIL-I know. I just don’t think that my grades should be the only thing that determines my academics. I mean with all the time we spend in the theatre, the work calls, the eleven o’clock rehearsals-
JAX-What did they say? You were too smart to be making those grades?
WIL-Yeah. I guess it just makes me wonder why I even try to talk to these people.
JAX-Because you think you’re smarter than them.
WIL-I am smarter than them and you know it.
JAX-Does it matter? We all have the same end.
WIL-Well unless somebody dies because they were stupid.
JAX-If it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go.
WIL-I see your point. But I don’t agree with it.
JAX-You don’t have to agree with it.
WIL-It contradicts everything I’ve worked so hard for. My life goal is knowledge and if it doesn’t mean anything in the end, then why do I do it?
JAX-Sounds like something you need to work out for yourself, man.
WIL-What’s your life goal?
JAX-To die.
WIL-Why is that?
JAX-It’s guaranteed.
WIL-Doesn’t that take away from the purpose of a life goal? Isn’t it supposed to be some abstract idea that you never really reach…in order to keep you alive?
JAX-Look, I figure I can’t fail at this one. Shoot I come closer and closer to achieving my life goal each and every day.
WIL-Oh, is that why you’re slowly committing suicide by smoking and drinking and getting high?
JAX-No, I do that because I like it.
WIL-Good to see you find some in enjoyment in it.
JAX-I do, in a way, just as much as you get out of learning.
WIL-My learning doesn’t try to kill me.
JAX-That’s not your life goal. You keep your Joseph Heller’s and Umberto Eco’s and I’ll keep my Jack Daniels and Marlboro Lights. Speaking of which, wanna go out for a smoke?
WIL-Trying to kill me too?
JAX-It’s all part of the plan.
WIL-Yeah. All right.(WIL & JAX go outside to smoke. MIRANDA walks up.)
JAX-Hey, Miranda.
MIR-Hey Jax. What’s up?
JAX-Just having a smoke.
MIR-I didn’t know you smoked Wilhelm.
WIL-Well, I do.
MIR-When do you smoke?
WIL-I only smoke pipes.
MIR-Okay. But, when do you smoke?
WIL-When I feel like it. On a good day. On a bad day. When I feel like it.
MIR-You look so… You have the light shining down just on this side. And then the smoke around. That looks so cool.
JAX-You should be a cinematographer.
MIR-Why is that?
WIL-Because they work with that kind of stuff.
MIR-I don’t know anything about cinematography.
WIL-It’s just like photography but it moves.
JAX-I’m going in now.
MIR-Alright, I’ll be there in a minute. (JAX goes inside) I want to learn something.
WIL-Anything?
MIR-All of something. Or maybe some of a lot of things.
WIL-Okay.
MIR-I want to learn about you.
WIL-What about me?
MIR-Music? I know the Saw Doctors.
WIL-The Saw Doctors.
MIR-I know.
WIL-The Who… Jeff Buckley… Ani Defranco. The early stuff. Then the later. Led Zeppelin… Cat Stevens… Jethrow Tull… Pink Floyd. Why don’t you just look at my CD collection?
MIR-It’s more impersonal and kind of stalker like. I’m trying to interact with people more, communicate with them as much as I can. I tend to creep people out by just watching them.
WIL-Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers… System of a Down.
MIR-I’m hesitant to ask…
MIR and WIL-Movies.
WIL-Now that you will just have to look at the stack.
MIR-What about top five?
WIL-Best or favorite?
MIR-What’s the difference?
WIL-Well, there are movies I like that aren’t the best.
MIR-The list can be ten.
WIL-Best or favorite first?
MIR-Best first because it’s on the left.
WIL-Citizen Kane. Casablanca. Ben Hur. Godfather.
MIR-And number five?
WIL-Five is always the hardest.
MIR-I was being kind to ask five. I was going to only ask three.
WIL-Shaw Shank Redemption
MIR-And favorites?
WIL-Bean Geste. It Happened One Night. Quietman. The Dark Crystal. High Fidelity. And if there is a runner up for the best, The Sting.
MIR-Do you find me as confusing as you pretend?
WIL-I don’t find you confusing.
MIR-That’s why I said pretend. If I actually confused you, I wouldn’t have- Maybe “confusing” isn’t the right word. “Quizzical”?
WIL-You do quizzical things.
MIR-Like what? I’ve asked others and they tell me not to worry about it. I’m not worried about it I just want to know.
WIL-You stare at me with quizzical looks on your face.
MIR-What kind of quizzical looks?
WIL-If I knew I wouldn’t find them quizzical.
MIR-Oh, come on.
WIL-Look in a mirror.
MIR-How will I know if that’s the look or not?(Long pause) And?
WIL-Your interest in what I know.
MIR-Is it really that odd for someone to be interested in what you know?
WIL-Yeah.
MIR-How do you feel about me questioning you?
WIL-I take it with a grain of salt and am suspicious the same amount.
MIR-How do you mean?
WIL-I’m trying very hard not to have an ego.
MIR-So some part of you is flattered?
WIL-Yes.
MIR-Then, we don’t have to worry about your ego. And you’re suspicious of me?
WIL-I don’t know you well enough to know your intentions.
MIR-Are you interested?
WIL-In what?
MIR-In getting to know me.
WIL-I haven’t decided yet. I’m going in.
MIR-(WIL & MIR enter the house)
What are we watching tonight?
JAX-Probably West Wing.
STEVE-My mom says she likes watching West Wing because it makes her feel better about America. I like to watch it because it makes me feel better about being a dork.
MIR-Hm. (giggle)
STEVE-(WIL enters from other room)
Hey Wilhelm I was just telling Miranda that my mom says she likes to watch West Wing because it makes her feel better about America. And I said I like to watch West Wing because it makes me feel better about being a dork.(Silence) Well, I thought it was funny.
WIL-What? Sorry, I was zoned out.
STEVE-Yeah I usually zone out when you talk to me too.
WIL-Huh?
MIR-(Across room & out of hear shot)
Do you think you’re normal?
JAX-Behind closed doors.
MIR-I think I’m normal. I don’t do anything that weird.
JAX-Yes you do. You’re creepy.
MIR-I mean I just sit & watch & I don’t talk half the time.
JAX-That’s creepy. Normal people don’t do that. You should not watch & not listen & talk all the time.
MIR-Then I’d be woman.
JAX-I can’t believe you just said that.(Both walk to join others)
MIR-Besides my grandmother says that she’s the most normal person she knows.
JAX-Is she?
MIR-My grandma’s awesome.
WIL-How old is she?
MIR-64, 65. She still wears bikinis and everything.
WIL-Does she have the body for it?
MIR-Yeah. She’s pretty hot. I’d do her except for the fact she’s my grandmother.
WIL-Hmm…Jax, what do you think?
MIR-You can’t screw my grandmother. Not unless you screw me first.
STEVE-Whoa.
MIR-Don’t worry that’s only if he wants to screw my grandma.
WIL-Not to mention you said you’d never have sex with me.
MIR-I said I’d probably never sleep with any of you guys because it would make it too weird. Besides never is a strong word. I mean if you want something bad enough you find a way to get it.
SCENE 4(RACHEL & ROB outside the next day)
RACHEL-So she didn’t come to the show at all the other night?
ROB-Said she didn’t know about it.
RACHEL-Are you two still actually together?
ROB-Well, we were never technically together to begin with.
RACHEL-Which means?
ROB-Which means she couldn’t commit because she didn’t trust me.
RACHEL-And you couldn’t force a commitment because you don’t trust her.
ROB-Basically.
RACHEL-So what do you have?
ROB-Right now just a verbal agreement to like each other. But, she will be at the show on Friday so maybe things will change.
RACHEL-What makes you so sure?
ROB-I’m playing at the Patton House and she’s friends with all the guys over there.
RACHEL-Are you sure its just friends? You know how those theatre people can be.
ROB-Yeah, I know. She was over there last night. But, Steve has a girlfriend and I know Jax. And Wilhelm well, I don’t know. (MIR enters)
RACHEL-Hey what time is it?
ROB-Ten ‘till three.
RACHEL-Oh, I’ve got to get to music theory. Bye Miranda. I’ll see you later ROB.(RACHEL exits)
MIR-Now what did Miss Rachel have to say?
ROB-Not much. Get your paper done?
MIR-Nope not yet.
ROB-There’s nothing going on between you and the Patton House is there?
MIR-Like what?
ROB-Well, ya’ll are just friends right?
MIR-Yeah. Don’t tell me you’re getting jealous and starting to care.
ROB- I'm not they just see you more than I do.
MIR-And Rachel sees you more than I do.
ROB-Don’t bring her into this.
MIR-She’s the one that brought this up wasn’t she?
ROB-No. But it is odd how much time you spend over there and you won’t even come see one of my shows.
MIR-Is this about the show?
ROB-Not just about the show. I just don’t want you hanging out over there all the time.
MIR-I honestly didn’t know about the show, Rob. And I’ll hang out wherever I want.
ROB-Fine, but don’t expect me to wait for you.
MIR-I don’t.(MIR exits)
SCENE 5 (The Patton House)
WIL-If you were a girl would you sleep with me?
STEVE-No.(MIR enters)
WIL-Hey Miranda would you- never mind. Are you angry?
MIR-No.
WIL-Just with the way you dropped your bag-
MIR-What were you going to ask me?
WIL-“Are you angry?”
MIR-No, before that.
WIL-Oh, I said, “Steve, if you were a girl would you sleep with me?” & then you walked in and I was going to ask you if you’d sleep with me.
MIR-Hmm.
WIL-But I didn’t want to further upset you.
MIR-I think it has little to do with that.
WIL-So, are you saying you’d sleep with a complete jerk?(Silence & glare from MIR)
MIR-What are you thinking?
WIL-Nothing.
MIR-Bullshit.
WIL-Yep.
MIR-Do you believe in love?
WIL-Yeah.
MIR-Hm.
WIL-Why, did you think I wouldn’t?
MIR-Part of me thought that you wouldn’t.
WIL-Why is that?
MIR-Well, they say God is love and you don’t believe in God.
WIL-It’s not so much that I don’t believe. I just don’t care.
MIR-Yay, another one that doesn’t care. Do you think we’ll work well together?
WIL-For sex or a relationship or what?
MIR-As director/ actor. Or does it depend on the project?
WIL-Well, it does depend on the project. The only things I’ve really directed are one acts. This show should be an interesting experience.
MIR-They don’t typically let students direct do they?
WIL-Nah. But, I’ve been here long enough and I need to direct this show to get enough credits to graduate by next year. This counts for about four of my classes.
MIR-I can’t wait. Oh, I began one of the books.
WIL-Which one?
MIR-Last month it was Catch 22 and this month it’s the Name of the Rose. Next month its-
WIL-Foucault’s Pendulum?
MIR-Uhuh. And I watched Citizen Kane.
WIL-What did you think?
MIR-It ended the way I thought it would.
WIL-What are you doing?
MIR-Memorizing lines.
WIL-What were you memorizing?
MIR-Lines.
WIL-I mean from what play?
MIR-Your facial lines.
WIL-Or artistic lines?
MIR-Artistic lines. You’ve been in the theatre too long.
WIL-That may be true.
MIR-When the only lines memorized are for the theatre.
WIL-Why were you memorizing me?
MIR-I’ve memorized Jax and Steve too. And even you earlier. When you were smoking your pipe. But I couldn’t see you very well then and it bothered me.
STEVE-Hey man, where’d this soda come from?
WIL-Did you buy the pop?
MIR-No.
WIL-Then I don’t know who bought this pop.
MIR-I brought it but I did not buy it.
WIL-Well, then thanks for bringing it.
MIR-No problem. It’s free. It was either that or Diet Pepsi.
WIL-Thanks for the Ginger Ale.
MIR-Actually, my grandmother bought them.
WIL-Then thank your grandmother.
MIR-Oh, I’m sure you can thank her.
WIL-You thank her because there is a prerequisite.
MIR-So, me thanking my grandmother for buying Ginger Ale is a prerequisite for you having sex with her?
WIL-No, no. There is a prerequisite for me having sex with her.
MIR-I’ll warn you, I don’t play fair. If you pass the first prerequisite, I might just add more.
WIL-Why don’t you just tell me I can’t screw your grandmother?
MIR-Because I’d like to see you try. Hey would you mind if the Katies and I came over tonight?
WIL-Will they be drunk?
MIR-Probably.
WIL-Are you going to keep them from sleeping with us again?
MIR-I’ll be drunk too. I’ll probably be asking you to sleep with me.
WIL-Okay. Hey, Jax, Steve, house meeting. Would it be okay if Miranda brought the drunk girls over tonight?
JAX-Would it be okay? Hell, I promote it!
SCENE 6 (The Patton House later that night. MIR & THE KATIES have been drinking.WIL & JAX have not.)
MIR-I love you guys.
KATIE 1-Hi, I’m Katie.
KATIE 2-Hi, I’m Katie.
MIR-Jax, meet the Katies.
JAX-We’ve met.
WIL-Hi, I’m Wilhelm.
JAX-Hi, I’m Wilhelm.
THE KATIES-Oh you have the same name too.
JAX-Yep. Isn’t it great? There is a Wilhelm for every Katie.
KATIE-Miranda, why don’t you become an honorary Katie?
MIR-Alright. I’m Katie too.
KATIE 2-No, I’m Katie two. You have to be Katie three.
MIR-Alright I’m Katie three.
JAX-Hey Katie, you want some wine?
THE KATIES-SURE!(JAX & THE KATIES go to the kitchen for wine.)
MIR-I think…I’m going to be nicer to you … and less strange.
WIL-(Laughs) You said that as if you were thinking out loud and you just happened to let us all hear it.
MIR-I was thinking and I did let you hear it. You know I had a dream about you.
WIL-Really? What about?
MIR-I had this dream about you living in an apartment in a hospital. The whole place was a mess and you could barely open the door. Books and plays and everything were all over the place in waist-high piles. There was this aquarium that I thought had fish in it but really they were turtles. Actually fake turtles with their eyes closed. And I found you sitting at your desk typing away and there were these cats everywhere. They had matted fur because they weren’t well taken care of because you spent all your time here.
WIL-I don’t particularly like cats.
MIR-They were kittens and they scratched at my arm and they were walking all over the keyboard of your computer. And then somehow later on in the dream I was sitting on your lap and we were talking about timing and how it was always off. And you start laughing. And then I say something like, “You’re laughing and we haven’t even kissed yet.” And of course after any line like that; we kissed. (Silence) What?
WIL-Nothing.
MIR-Bullshit. What were you thinking?
WIL-Were you just asking me to kiss you?
MIR-Maybe. Would it be so bad if you did?
WIL-I haven’t decided yet.
MIR-I guess I have been babbling.
WIL-Yeah. Why?
MIR-To keep from doing something stupid.
WIL-Like what?
MIR-Things.
WIL-I’m a little more blunt at evading questions. If I don’t want to tell you, I say nothing. You say bullshit and I agree.
MIR-I know. (MIR leans over & kisses WIL.JAX & THE KATIES return w/ wine.)
KATIE 1-Woohoo.
KATIE 2-I like Wilhelm. He gives us wine.
MIR-Yeah, I like Wilhelm too.
ACT 2-SCENE 1 (WIL, JAX & STEVE at Patton House)
JAX-What’s that?
WIL-It’s a letter from Miranda.
JAX-She sent me a postcard about a week ago of three monsters labeled: good, evil and I don’t know. That chick gets weirder and weirder.
WIL-It’s not that kind of letter. I don’t think this one was for laughs.
JAX-Oh? A love letter?
WIL- Of sorts. It’s stained with something.
JAX-Like what?
WIL-Tears or rain or something. Clear, but I could tell by the smeared letters.
JAX-She’s got you hasn’t she?
WIL-No, just thinking about her trying to write this thing.
JAX-What makes you think she did anything but jot a few words on a piece of paper?
WIL-For one, it’s typed.
JAX-I could see her doing that.
WIL-Yeah, me too. She sits down at that little lap top…
JAX-Wait wait. No if she’s really the way you imagine her she’s at a little typewriter.
WIL-Yeah technology sucks.
JAX-So is it tears or rain?
WIL-Tears.
JAX-Man, I don’t think she cares that much.
WIL-Yeah she does. She signed it.
JAX-So. You sign shit all the time and you don’t cry over it.
WIL-I know but, this is different. She typed it and signed it. She thought about it.
STEVE-So what’s it say?
WIL-It’s her telling me…how she feels.
JAX-About you?
WIL-Yeah.
JAX-Was she drinking? Maybe that was vodka.
WIL-She might have been.
JAX-But?
WIL-But, nothing is misspelled. She pays attention to that.
JAX-That’s what spell check is for.
WIL-Alright so I could be wrong but I think I know her.
JAX-No one knows that chick. Out of all the crazy ones you’ve been interested in, she’s probably the most bizarre.
STEVE-And you’ve been with some crazy chicks, Wilhelm.
JAX-Not the craziest but the most bizarre.
WIL-Why do you say that?
JAX-You two have had conversations where neither of you have said shit to each other.
WIL-Yeah, she’s a little odd.
JAX-A little odd? She comes over and sits in that chair right there and doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything and just watches us. What the hell is normal about that?
WIL-I just think she doesn’t know how to interact with us.
JAX-How hard is it to talk to people?
STEVE-Especially us.
WIL-Have you ever watched her before?
JAX-Yeah, I guess. I mean she’s over here enough.
WIL-Right. But have you ever watched her?
JAX-Maybe. What am I missing?
WIL-She has trouble talking to us. She talks as if everything she says we’re going to judge her for. Ever notice how her sentences trail off when she sees no one is listening?
STEVE-I never noticed.
WIL-That’s what she’s hoping.
JAX-But you noticed.
WIL-That’s also what she’s hoping.
JAX-Wait a minute-
WIL-That’s what was in the letter. Apparently I’m the first one she’s met that “sees as much as she sees”.
JAX-And now what? You’re just as odd as she is?
WIL-I know how to interact with people.
JAX-She seems to get along fine with others.
WIL-Like who?
JAX-Well Rob and the drunk chicks. She seems to get along with them pretty well.
STEVE-Yay, for drunk chicks.
WIL-Maybe it’s because she spends a lot of time with them.
JAX-She spends a lot of time here.
WIL-I told her one time that I didn’t know how she ever got any work done because she thinks about us so much.
JAX-And?
WIL-She said that we were just what she thought about while she was doing other things.
STEVE-Can’t say that’s something I’d do.
JAX-That’s an awful lot of thinking.
WIL-We do that.
JAX-Oh now you’re a “we”?
STEVE-You know, I could see you two together.
WIL-Really?
JAX-Man, she wants to learn all she can from you right?
WIL-Yeah.
JAX-Well, what better way to do it?
WIL-So what would I get out of it?
STEVE-Good butt sex.
JAX-Other than good butt sex. You love the fact that someone finally appreciates your knowledge and doesn’t expect a paper from you to do so. Not to mention she brings us shit.
WIL-She’s brought us pop a couple of times hasn’t she?
STEVE-And she gives good hand massages.
WIL-Damn, now I feel like her.
JAX-Why?
WIL-Because we’re thinking about what she’s thinking.
SCENE 2 (MIR & DR. DRAKE in classroom)
MIR-I told you I’d have it to you by Friday.
DR. DRAKE-Twenty more minutes and it would have been late.
MIR-But its not.
DR. DRAKE-What’s it called?
MIR-Ethics in the theatre: The way to the - Why don’t you just read it?
DR. DRAKE-Oh, I’m looking forward to it. But, what is your thesis?
MIR-Something along the lines of sleeping with the director may be the only way to succeed in the business and even if it does deplete morals, this is a circumstance wherein doing the right thing does not get one to a greater end.
DR. DRAKE-You realize your thesis is flawed.
MIR-I know your stance on the matter.
DR. DRAKE-Which is?
MIR-That one does not practice good values in order to get to an immediate greater end. They practice good morals in order to create habit which thereby will lead to a better happier end.
DR. DRAKE-And you don’t believe this applies to theatre?
MIR-I believe that even if one is habitually good in the theatre it only means they are habitually used.
DR. DRAKE-Those two things do not equate Miranda.
MIR-Maybe not in your world. But, they certainly do in mine.
SCENE 3 (MIR & KATIE outside day of party.)
MIR-I wrote him a letter.
KATIE-Ooo, what about?
MIR-How I felt.
KATIE-And what happened?
MIR-Well it’s not like I’ve really had time to get a response or that I even want one.
KATIE-What did you say?
MIR-Well, I had been drinking a little bit. Not enough to be drunk but, enough to write a dumbass letter and send it.
KATIE-You didn’t embarrass yourself did you?
MIR-No more than usual. And you know what? All that time I spent thinking about him & writing poetry & shit, it’s like it’s gone now. It’s like it lived only because I wouldn’t say anything. Now that it’s said I don’t really care anymore.
KATIE-Miranda.
MIR-What?
KATIE-Do you still like him?
MIR-Yeah I still like him. I’m interested in him, in his knowledge but, I don’t know about anything else.
KATIE-Aww. Why?
MIR-He told me something one time that’s been stuck in my mind ever since. He hates when girls cry. He even asked, begged me not to one time.
KATIE-So?
MIR-It may sound dumb but I could never be with a person like that. I’m very emotionally connected to things. I cry at art museums.
KATIE-So I guess your grandmother will be disappointed?
MIR-Ha. I hope not. She didn’t even know him she just knew I talked about him a lot.
KATIE-You do talk about him a lot.
MIR-It’s because I spend a lot of time over there.
KATIE-I know. I never see you anymore.
MIR-Rob says the same thing. I’m sorry. I guess a part of me feels like I need to hold on to them as long as possible. Jax was one of the first people I met here and Steve is leaving and sooner or later Wilhelm will graduate. You and Rob, I’ve got for a few years.
KATIE-How long has Wilhelm been here?
MIR-Um… I think this is his fifth year. Either that or next year will be. I’m not sure.
KATIE-Too long for me.
MIR-Parts of me think that maybe it would’ve ended differently if I hadn’t have kissed him.
KATIE-You never know.
MIR-Yeah but every man I’ve ever met has liked the girl that didn’t say yes.
KATIE-Isn’t that rape?
MIR-I was getting so good at being mean. Not mean but overly convincing that I wouldn’t want to get with any of them. The more I fought it, the more I fell for them. I let myself fall for him.
KATIE-Well, you can always start the process over again.
MIR-What? And tell him no when he finally gets around to asking a year from now?
KATIE-Just trying to help.
MIR-I know. I hate boys.
KATIE-More than one?
MIR-Oh yeah. Did I tell you I broke Lent?
KATIE-MIRANDA?!?!
MIR-What?
KATIE-Wait a minute you’re not even Catholic are you?
MIR-No.
KATIE-So-
MIR-I just thought maybe I could abstain for awhile.
KATIE-Like in that movie? Forty days and Forty Nights?
MIR-Yeah somethin’ like that.
KATIE-Well, I could’ve told you that wasn’t gonna happen.
MIR-It was worth a shot.
KATIE-So, what number is that?
MIR-On which list?
KATIE-Miranda. Woman, not the list, the number of boys you’ve got right now.
MIR-Oh. Well, there’s the one I just professed my love to & then there’s always Rob. Not to mention creepy guy & Droo.
KATIE-Oooo, not Droo.
MIR-He calls when he wants company.
KATIE-What about the guys in Granger?
MIR-Well, Rob and Droo live over there in 202. But the ones in 201 I don’t really see anymore. So, I try to just creep by.
KATIE-And creepy guy lives upstairs?
MIR-Yeppers. I really should stay away from that side of campus for a while.
KATIE-No kidding. You know almost half the campus.
MIR-Yeah but I don’t talk to a lot of them. They just like to get me drunk and I’m all about some free alcohol.
KATIE-Is that why you & Rob never-
MIR-Yeah.
KATIE-So what about Wilhelm?
MIR-What about him?
KATIE-You’ll still go over there, won’t you?
MIR-Well I can’t make it seem weird.
KATIE-I should come over with you sometime.
MIR-Sometime when you’re not drunk.
KATIE-Yeah.
MIR-How about tonight? Rob’s band is playing over there for a party.
KATIE-Sounds like I’m gonna be drunk again.
MIR-Probably. But hey, you want to come anyway?
KATIE-Sure thing babe.(KATIE exits & waves to JAX entering)
MIR-Hey Jax. I’m sorry for all that the other night.
JAX-It’s all good. You had fun didn’t you?
MIR-Yeah.
JAX-And they had fun, didn’t they?
MIR-Yeah.
JAX-Then there is nothing to worry about.
MIR-Rob’s playing at your house tonight.
JAX-I know. That’s not gonna be weird with you and Wilhelm is it?
MIR-Of course not. We’re just friends.
JAX-Oh. Do you have a problem saying no?
MIR-Excuse me?
JAX-Do you have a problem saying no?
MIR-Oh. Sometimes.(JAX laughs)What?
JAX-It’s like a joke. I asked if you had a problem saying no. And you say sometimes.
MIR-(Seeing the humor laughs)
Yeah. What about you?
JAX-What about me?
MIR-Do you have a problem saying no?
JAX-Yeah.
MIR-Why?
JAX-It gets hard sometimes. Like the other night. I would have loved to mess around with those girls but, you were there. And I know you wouldn’t have wanted me to.
MIR-That night I probably wouldn’t have even noticed.
JAX-But you would’ve given me a hard time about it the next day.
MIR-Probably. So I guess you’re getting better?
JAX-Maybe.
MIR-Jax, when do you smoke?
JAX-Why?
MIR-I’ve asked others and it seems like it’s always just somethin’ to do.
JAX-Nah. I think it’s a form of acceptance.
MIR-What about those that smoke alone?
JAX-I don’t mean acceptance of others. I mean an acceptance of- When someone smokes its like they know that the world is shitty. They’ve accepted it that way. I mean look at me. I know that I’m not gonna be the one to win the girl, I know I’m not gonna be the one to get straight A’s or be the first one to heaven, or win the war. At the end of the day the most reassuring aspect of life is the fact that I can light a cigarette and- just never become a smoker Miranda.
MIR-Why?
JAX-Because they’ve accepted that it’s not gonna get any better.
MIR-So.
JAX-So… it is gonna get better.
MIR-How do you know?
JAX-I have faith.
SCENE 4 (The Patton House Friday night. ROB is playing on a make shift stage. Party goers are all around drinking & having a good time.)
KATIE 1-I’m gonna get drunk & tonight’s gonna rock.
MIR-Yeah, after this past week & that stupid paper, this is a sweet reward.
KATIE 2-How’d your paper go anyway?
MIR-Eh.
KATIE 2-What was it on again?
MIR-Ethics in the-
KATIE-How sometimes it’s necessary to sleep with the director to get ahead.
KATIE 2-Really, Miranda?
MIR-I don’t want to think about it. I’m just glad it’s over.
STEVE-You ladies want something to drink?
KATIE 2-Hell yeah!
KATIE 1-Yeah me too.
STEVE-What do you ladies want?
KATIE 2-Something sweet and alcoholic.
MIR-Thanks Steve.
STEVE-You got it.(STEVE exits to kitchen)
WIL-Hey ya Miranda! (making funny face)
KATIE 1-Wilhelm is so weird.
MIR-Yeah. What, are you going to deny it?
WIL-I don’t think I’m weird.
MIR-That’s because you’re you. I don’t think I’m weird.
WIL-That’s because you’re wrong.
KATIE 1-Hey Miranda, isn’t that Rachel?
KATIE 2-I so didn’t expect to see her here.
MIR-Yeah. She came to see Rob play.
KATIE 1-And you’re okay with that?
MIR-Why wouldn’t I be?
KATIE 2-I just think it’s kind of tasteless to have your girlfriend & the girl you’re cheating on her with in the same room.
MIR-What do you- never mind. Tonight is about having a good time. So let’s do it!
STEVE-(STEVE enters from kitchen) Here you go ladies.
KATIES-Thanks!
MIR-Thank you, Steve.
STEVE-No problem.
JAX-I know you too well to let you drink.
MIR-What? I’m a big girl Jax.
JAX-I know you too well to let you get drunk.
MIR-Who says I’m here to get drunk?
JAX-Aren’t you? Besides don’t you see the irony?
MIR-What irony?
JAX-They’re all drinking Sangria.
MIR-Yeah. The “blood of Christ”. So.
JAX-They’re all drunk on the blood of Christ & not a single one is saved.
MIR-Did you finally learn how to say no or something?
JAX-Yeah, I think so. Getting better anyway. Tonight’s not about me though Miranda.
MIR-I can handle myself. But, if it makes you feel better, I won’t drink.
JAX-Thank you.
SCENE 5 (MIR & WIL in other room at the party away from the noise)
MIR-What are you afraid of?
WIL-That you’ll be more interested than I will.
MIR-I’m already interested in you. I don’t expect you to find me interesting.
WIL-I do find you interesting. Miranda I think I might even be falling for you.
MIR-In love with me?
WIL-No.
MIR-I don’t know you.
WIL-I didn’t ask you that.
MIR-You don’t know me.
WIL-I didn’t ask you that either. (PAUSE) People act so funny with the word “love”. It makes people so uncomfortable. It’s just a word.
MIR-Love is not just a word Wilhelm.
WIL-Yeah, it is.
MIR-How can you say that? Love is… a feeling.
WIL-Nope, just a word. (MIR kisses WIL) Still just a word.
MIR-Then I guess I didn’t do it good enough.
WIL-Well enough.
MIR-Fair enough. Well enough.(MIR kisses WIL again w/ more enthusiasm.) You can’t tell me you didn’t feel that. You closed your eyes & you, you quivered. I felt it. I know you felt me love you.
WIL-Do you?
MIR-What?
WIL-Love me?
MIR-You felt it!
WIL-I don’t even know you.
MIR-All right. All right. But love is more than just a word.
WIL-Yeah, I know. I love you.
MIR-Can you promise me-
WIL-Let’s not make any promises.
MIR-Okay, no promises. I prom- (MIR smiles catching himself)
See. So what are you afraid of? You can’t hurt me. It’s all been done before. After everything I’ve been through with Rob, nothing you could do could hurt me.
WIL-I can be very mean.
MIR-After just telling me you love me, you can be mean? Well, what would you do?
WIL-why I try to be nice ninety-nine percent of the time.
MIR-Then I have nothing to worry about. You won’t be mean to me because it takes too much effort.
WIL-Now I’m not that lazy that I wouldn’t-
MIR-So what are you afraid of? (WIL & MIR sleep together.)
ACT 3-SCENE 1 (ROB & MIR outside Saturday)
ROB-You knew I’d find out sooner or later.
MIR-Yeah.
ROB-Do you love him?
MIR-No.
ROB-Then why did you do it?
MIR-I’ve been missing something for a long time and I thought he might be what I was missing.
ROB-I didn’t have to sleep with another woman to know I didn’t need anything else.
MIR-So why did you?
ROB-I’ve known Rachel since high school. She’s always been there for me and when I told her how things have been going down hill between us, she comforted me.
MIR-So we’re even?
ROB-Would that make you feel less guilty?
MIR-I won’t let you make me feel guilty. I’ll pay for my sins but I don’t have to pay them to you.
ROB-I’m leaving for Chicago in a couple of days. The guys and I are going on tour.
MIR-What about school?
ROB-It will be here when I get back if I come back. Look, I’ve got to head on out, pack, and what not. I won’t leave without telling you goodbye. (ROB exits & WIL enters)
MIR-How goes it?
WIL-It goes. The only thing that is satisfying right now is knowing that you’re the only one that got less sleep then I did last night. So…yeah.
MIR-I’m glad something in that is satisfying.
WIL-And now I can sleep with your grandmother.
MIR-Hm.
WIL-I’ll see you around, alright?
MIR-Yeah, sure. (WIL exits & JAX enters)
JAX-Hey hun. How you feelin’?
MIR-Well, whatever I was missing before, I’m missing a lot more now.
JAX-What were you looking for?
MIR-I don’t know. I thought that- I was so intrigued by Wilhelm. And Rob and I…Rob and I weren’t going anywhere. I guess I just want a friend. Not someone to sleep with me or someone to use me, just a friend.
JAX-You’ve got friends Miranda.
MIR-Oh and that whole sleeping with the director thing…it doesn’t get you ahead in the end.
JAX-I know. - You ever think that maybe you’re missing something else?
MIR-Like what?
JAX-Maybe something spiritually?
MIR-Like God? When did you get so religious?
JAX-Have you noticed that I don’t drink or smoke much anymore?
MIR-I know you’ve gotten better at saying no.
JAX-Yeah.
MIR-Yeah. I guess I just thought you finally got some sense in you.
JAX-Yeah that too. But I’ve also been reading scriptures and-
MIR-I used to be really close to God.
JAX-It doesn’t take much to be close again.
MIR-It takes a lot out of me to tell the truth and not swear and not drink and not have sex and all that stuff.
JAX-It’s a daily struggle.
MIR-I know. But, like when I think I’m doing good I always wonder if I’m actually doing good or if I just haven’t been tempted yet. Or if being good is actually going to do me any good.
JAX-You can do it if you put your mind to it. Just live your life for Him now and not for men. It’s got to be better than what you’re doing now.
MIR-I guess you might be right Jax. I don’t know. I’ll try?
JAX-There is no trying. You either do or you don’t. Hey Miranda, can you promise me something?
MIR-What?
JAX-That you’ll stick with it and you won’t give up. Can you promise me that?
MIR-I don’t know Jax that’s a pretty big promise.
JAX-I know.
MIR-You’re asking me to turn my life all around.
JAX-I think that’s the point. Instead of living just to die now, I guess we live to live again.
MIR-In heaven?
JAX-Maybe. You think about it.
SCENE 2 (MIR & ROB outside her dorm.ROB is packed and ready to leave.)
MIR-When you come back, I will-
ROB-What? What will you do?
MIR-You’ll be sorry.
ROB-I’m not scared of you.
MIR-When I call, you will answer?
ROB-Would you want it any other way?
MIR-You don’t have to.
ROB-You don’t have to call.
MIR-You won’t.
ROB-You wouldn’t answer.
MIR-You could still call.
ROB-Just so you could not answer?
MIR-It’s hard for me to answer a phone that doesn’t ring.
ROB-Don’t worry about me coming back.
MIR-Is that a threat?
ROB-No. I’m just not planning on coming back anytime soon.
MIR-But you'll call?
ROB- I'm not going to make promises I can't keep.
MIR-I guess you’ve already made your fair share of those.
ROB-Good to see I can still bring out the worst in you.
MIR-Rob, you know I’d rather you stay.
ROB-I know.(Silence)
MIR-I hate this silence between us.
ROB-And you think it would be better on the phone?
MIR-It’s because neither of us say what we really want.
ROB-Did you get that out of one of his books?
MIR-The internet.
ROB-What was the next line?
MIR-“The silence says it all.”
ROB-And does it?
MIR-I suppose.
ROB-Well, if you could say anything right now, what would it be?
MIR-I don’t know. I love you?
ROB-Then say it.
MIR-I just did.
ROB-Feel better?
MIR-Not really. You’re still leaving.
ROB-You knew that before you said it. I guess the silence does say it all.
MIR-Do you think I don’t love you?
ROB-I think you love me the way you want to love me. I want to be loved the way I want to be loved.
MIR-You’re so analytical.
ROB-Next you’ll tell me I think too much.
MIR-You do think too much.
ROB-Oh look, now I can predict the future.
MIR-You always could. I remember you wrote a song about us before we became us.
ROB-And it ended this way?
MIR-You wrote it. Did it?
ROB-The songs I write will always be based on experience. This is a chance of a lifetime.
MIR-They’re stealing you away from me.
ROB-No, don’t try to make this easier. I’m leaving you.
MIR-That’s kind of harsh.
ROB-No, just honest.
MIR-Honesty doesn’t hurt so much.
ROB-But the truth does.
MIR-You always have to be smarter than me don’t you?
ROB-Yes. I really need to be going.
MIR-You said that an hour ago.
ROB-You’re going to keep me here as long as you can aren’t you?
MIR-No. You can leave whenever you want.
ROB-Alright. Bye.
MIR-Wait.
ROB-What?
MIR-Can I have one goodbye kiss?
ROB-We haven’t kissed in months Miranda.
MIR-I know. Just one goodbye kiss.
ROB-I don’t think it would be a very good idea. It’s nothing against you. I just don’t want that to be my last memory of you.
MIR-Am I really that horrible to kiss?
ROB-No. Like I said it’s nothing to do with you.
MIR-What is it then?
ROB-You look so sweet now. Almost like a little sister.
MIR-I hope you don’t sleep with your little sister.
ROB-Not anymore.(Silence)I’m kidding.
MIR-I know. So why not a goodbye kiss?
ROB-Drop it.
MIR-Okay. What about a hug?
ROB-You’re not going to let me leave without touching me are you?
MIR-You never liked touching much even when we were together.
ROB-We were never really together. Who would’ve thought that something unofficial would-
MIR-Hurt so much?
ROB-I’m not trying to hurt you.
MIR-I know. It was only unofficial because I made it that way.
ROB-Yeah, that whole trust thing, who knew?
MIR-You never trusted me. So why did it disappoint you so much?
ROB-Because I thought I could.
MIR-You can.
ROB-Not anymore.
SCENE 3 (WIL & JAX at Patton house a few weeks later.)
WIL-What do you want to watch tonight?
JAX-Her brother works at Blockbuster.
WIL-Who? (JAX looks at WIL) I know. What do you want to watch tonight?
JAX-If we go and ask for Carson, we can get a fifteen percent discount.
WIL-Considering the connection, you’d be surprised how few movies she’s seen.
JAX-Yeah. I remember us watching Magnolia and The City of Lost Children with her.
WIL-I had to introduce her to Star Wars and the Lord of the Rings. We used to watch them when she came over.
JAX-She hasn’t been around in awhile.
WIL-I know. I kind of miss her. Our next adventure was going to be the Godfather.
JAX-She really hasn’t seen many movies.
WIL-Nope.
JAX-We should invite her over.
WIL-I don’t think I have her number anymore.
JAX-Ask her brother.
WIL-I don’t know. We already ask him for a discount.
JAX-Tell him your cell was stolen.
WIL-And what would she say if I called her out of the blue to watch a movie?
JAX-She might say yes. Tell her you thought about her.
WIL-She would misinterpret that.
JAX-Why? You think she’s in love with you or something?
WIL-No, but she’d think I wanted to get together with her.
JAX-Don’t you?
WIL-Not like that. I miss our movie nights.
JAX-Then tell her that.
WIL--Maybe her number is on the theatre sheet.
JAX-Her room number is anyway.
WIL-Hello. Miranda? Hi, Katie. Can I speak to Miranda? Hey, this is Wilhelm. You want to come over and watch a movie with Jax & me? Really? Then I guess I’ll see you in a few. Alright, bye.
JAX-See, it wasn’t that hard.
WIL-You know, she said she’d never sleep with any of us because it would make things weird.
JAX-And?
WIL-I guess she was right.
JAX-Yeah. Did I ever tell you about our contract?
WIL-No, what contract?
JAX-In the days when I used to get drunk and sleep around, she was tucking me in. You know how she used to do. Anyway, I think I might’ve hit on her or something, she resisted and said she just wanted to be friends. So then in my wonderfully drunken state I look at her and say, “Promise me you’ll never sleep with me.” She promises & I say, “No, really, promise me you’ll never sleep with me.” And then we had a contract. No matter what we’d never sleep with each other and always be friends.
WIL-Not a bad idea.
JAX-Nope.
WIL-So the Godfather okay with you?
JAX-Yeah, that’s fine. It’s been awhile.
MIR-Hey guys.
JAX-Hey! Good to see you again. I thought you might not come back.
MIR-I couldn’t stay away for too long. - Hey, Jax, remember what we talked about before?
JAX-We’ve talked a lot before.
MIR-About living for a different purpose.
JAX-Yeah.
MIR-Well, I promise. Things are going to be different.
JAX-Good.
MIR-How did you know?
JAX-I didn’t. One must learn to teach & teach to learn.
MIR-What now?
JAX-I won’t lie to you-
MIR-Its gonna hurt?
JAX-It doesn’t mean to, but at the start, understanding, does.
WIL-The Godfather good for you?
MIR-I don’t know. I’ve never seen it.
JAX-The Godfather it is then.
(JAX & MIR hug & get in place to watch movie. Lights fade on them watching the Godfather)