Your story was very original, and creative. Turning something people take for granted is a difficult thing. How ever, the story seemed a bit too rushed and had some confusing bits. For instance, what happened to Jeffery? The story Jumped from him to Stuart. Also, the transition to the military boot camp was a little rough and hard to fallow. Those aside, the use of descriptive word and strong vocabulary gave the story an entertaining touch. With some extra effort and work, this story may even become a great hit. Keep working hard!
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