Nice work on the spelling and grammar, seems like you hit it right on the dot there, And the metaphore(sp?) that reaching onces heart is like climbing a mountain was uniqe.
The one thing that bugged me is that it just seemed... Repetive, and seemed to have a lot of the simple ones, like mine, fine, you, true, all the ones with pronouns.
Its a good piece, but I think it could use some improvement, However, Great work man.
The heart shape really added an extra layer of emtion. I had a bit of a hard time understanding, I just don't... "Get" it. Wouldnt the idea of not being exactly like someone be a good thing? Eh, It may just be me, I'm not a very good poem person.
Be careful to look out for your grammar, I see a few in there, like daddy being mis-capitalized, but over all, nice work, keep writing man.
It was great poem, the grammar was perfect, and the spelling was on the dot, Great work.
I don't know why, but it just feels like this work just lack... presesence, I can't figure out why though. It might be just its size, but it may be just me.
However, other then that, you did great.
Good job man, Keep writing.
Great poem, but I recommend that it gets touched up just a bit.
You have the words choice and placement down in this, so your on the right track. Just be wary of your grammar, not in a phrasing sense, just remember to keep in mind those capitals and periods. I know, Its a pain, and even I forget to do it sometimes, but its just what you need to make this look as great as it is.
Like I say to others, you wrote this from your heart, you can tell, by just reading it. I can see you reading it to me, and beleving in every fiber of your being, what you say is true. I know you spent many a night just to make it right with the word choice, which, clearly has paid off.
You have my respect as an author. Nice work, and please keep writing.
I'm going to be straight forward with you, It was Ok.
It was well written, and had great word choice behind it. I really loved the phrase:
i do not use the term " i love you" lightly.
There is nothing attached, nothing expected in return
I don't know why, but it really ment something to me.
However, one thing I noticed, was it lacked... "presence," if that makes any sense. I read the words but could not "feel" them.
One other thing that put me off, was the grammar. I think you should be careful, watch out for those I's, and be careful with those capitals.
Overall, Great poem, but I know theres a bit of room for improvment thats out there,I would love to see this poem again If you revise it.
Keep on writing!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/zombie_geno
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:39pm on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
