I like the entire first part, although I always suggest double-spacing. (I have a tendancy to want to scan instead of read when the lines are so close and there is so much text). As to the The second part, begining with "far away, in the city" I understand where you're going with that (one man does, another is born) but it does not really fit the tone of the first half/part. I think part of it is the terms "post-coital bliss" and "Tadpole of DNA". The rest of the story is very mystical and reverent, the last bit seems to jump into something different. I would suggest using something to describe it without saying it exactly, for example "Two young lovers lay euphorically." or "Deep in mei's belly, the glimmer of a tiny soul" etc. something like that would help keep it in the same tone.
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