What I liked:
I liked the comedy of the story and how this "professor" must be playing a joke on somebody or pulling someone's leg. Either that or he's the worst scientist ever. I really liked that.
Grammar and Spelling Errors:
None in sight.
What I didn't like:
It was bland. “I’ve invented a time machine,” that's just to bland. Way to bland. It did not hook the reader at all the only reason I kept reading was because after the first word I was already almost done with the story. That's the good in getting reviews. If its short people will most likely read it.
What I liked:
I really liked this story. I thought it was funny when they thought that it was an error. Oh but poor them. A tragic end to good people...well I assume they were good. They seemed good at least.
Grammar and Spelling Errors:
None to be found!
What I didn't like:
Ugh! This is always the hard part. Maybe a little more info about the ship, people, explosion. I don't know this is very difficult and maybe indenting would help as well to improve the presentation if this story. Maybe you could expand on this idea.
This idea is brilliant! Very creative and original and I've never heard of any idea like it! You should definitely write this into a longer story. This must have been some man to influence an entire race just from his journal! Would the aliens worship the book? Or use it as we do the bible? Just wondering. I definitely encourage you to write this and if you already have I would like to read it sometime and if you decided not to I encourage you to try and if it dryed up pretty fast I encourage you to try again.
What I liked:
This was a good piece, creative and original. I'm glad you didn't do the cliche idea of robots taking over the world but rather the normal, boring day of an ordinary, everyday robot.
Grammar and Spelling Errors:
There were none. Simple as that.
What I didn't like:
I'm kinda struggling with trying to find things that I didn't like. Maybe his name? It sounds like the name of a frog or a toad. Just my opinion. Also why would a robot have a wife? It's not like they could repopulate. It's not that I didn't like the idea of robots mating but I found it rather peculiar.
What I liked:
This was a great story. I really loved the ending! I like how you made the main character think he was just so mature and right about aliens not being real. I can just imagine the two kids faces when there mom revealed that she's an alien.
Grammar and Spelling Errors:
Oh my where do I start? There were just so many! Just kidding! I saw no errors in this piece! Good job!
What I didn't like:
There wasn't much that I didn't like but as I keep pointing out to people presentation does matter! Indenting or having a blank line after each paragraph would really improve the overall presentation of things. Maybe I'm caring to much about how each story looks though. Sorry if you don't share my point of view.
What I Liked
This was a great story for such a small amount of words. It was easy to follow and I loved that but the thing that I liked the most was how well you used imagery, especially in the beginning. It was just great.
Grammar and Spelling Errors
I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors in this piece which is great because it didn't distract from the writing.
What I didn't like
Sorry but to me if the writing and imagery wasn't so good I would have found the story boring, but you're great writing makes up for it. Also, indenting before each paragraph would make it look much nicer but that hardly has anything to do with the writing or the plot but it may improve the presentation of the piece.
Note: Everything I say is my opinion and is me trying to help you improve your writing. You choose weather to take my advice or leave it.
What I liked
This was good for a 100 word story, I know how hard it is to fit in a beginning, middle, and end into 100 or 200 words.
Grammar and spelling errors
The first one that I spotted came in the first sentence where you capitalized "They" but it comes after a comma. You can either change the comma to a period and make each sentence a full one or you can uncapitalize the letter "T"
The second is in sentence 4 the word "fallen" should be "fell"
Third is in sentence 5 the word "say" should become "said" and the "B" in "Brother" should not be capitalized.
Fourth was in sentence 7 where the word "move" should become "moved"
Fifth and finally the word "flex" should become "flexed"
What I didn't like
There were way to many grammar issues but I've already addressed them and if you fix those up you should be good. Also why would they break into an abandoned daycare? Maybe you didn't have enough space to say but I'd like to know.
NOTE: Nothing I am about to say will be me trying to be mean. Remember, I am just here too help you so you can choose weather to accept my advice.
What I liked
I liked the story. It was creative and original and I love that in a story.
Grammar or Spelling Errors
The first one I noticed was in paragraph 1, sentence 3 the word "there" should be "their" but it's a minor mistake.
Second was paragraph 1, sentence 4 instead of "get knowledge" I would try "gather knowledge" or "gather information" I don't know if its a grammar issue but its close.
Third was paragraph 2, sentence 1 I believe there should be a comma after the name "Xion" (I liked that name a lot).
Fourth was paragraph 2, sentence the word "Yelled" should not have a capital Y.
Fifth was paragraph 2, sentence 2 there should be a comma between "Ok" and "ok"
Sixth was paragraph 2 sentence 1-5 it would be much easier to understand if you made a new paragraph each time a new character begins talking. That was rather distracting.
Seventh was paragraph 3, sentence 5 there should be a comma between "can" and "I"
Eighth was paragraph 4, sentence 3 a comma should go between the words "one" and "I"
Those were only the ones that I saw though.
What I didn't like
It was a touch cheesy about aliens taking over but I liked the overall idea and creativity of the story. I also didn't like that you made their conversation into a single paragraph instead of individual paragraph.
Remember, I'm only trying to help so don't take it harshly.
First let me just say that I am not used to reviewing poetry. I usually review short stories but I have reviewed a few poems on other sites. Forgive me if it isn't the best. I really loved this poem. It has a good flow to it which I loved and it made me think of autumn. I mean, autumn isn't my favorite season but it's definitely in my top 4 favorite seasons. Usually poems rhyme but yours was good even though it didn't. I, being a lover of fantasy really liked the part about wizards and dragons and such. I a sorry that this is the best review I can give you but as I said before I am out of practice. I loved it and if there's one thing you learn from this review is that the poem was great.
Well written as this was there is one crucial thing that it lacks. It lacks a real plot. All it is is an elf thinking of her old life. It also wasn't very interesting. Sorry but I have to be honest and true or you won't improve as a writer. I mean, you're a great writer and I saw no typos but good writing means nothing without a good plot. Other then that it was good and you do deserve praise for your excellent writing skills so good job on that.
Great story. The plot was great. The writing was great. Everything was great. You should really expand on this plot and make it into a kind of book. Also, the thing is that it was written as if for a history book which I assume is because you wanted to keep the short in short story but in my opinion it downsized the writing itself. Other than that no complaints. Great job!
This story was great! The entire time I read I was searching for problems in the story, writing, grammar but I found near to nothing. The first thing negative that I noticed was the dialog. Well, not the dialog itself but the way it was put together. Usually when I read stories it's easier to keep track of who's talking if you create a new paragraph each time a different character speaks and you didn't do that. It wasn't difficult to understand who's talking but I was so used to a new paragraph when a new person speaks. Maybe it's just me though. I also noticed a single typo in the entire thing which is in paragraph 8 where I think you may have meant 'no' but it's typed 'on' minor mistake though. There may be more but I am not very observant so that's the only one I saw. I would've also liked to know more about the characters like what they look like. Maybe you didn't write that in because its supposed to be a short story? I don't know. Those are the only mistakes I noticed and they're quite minor. I would also like to tell you that the ending was perfect. Quite a shock to me. Also, sorry for mostly telling you the bad stuff but I'm only trying to help you to develop as a writer.
This is quite a great plot. The story is good and I think that you should expand on it and make it into a larger book. I did notice one thing though. You wrote it like it were a story from a history book which made it seem more 2D. Maybe you did this on purpose to keep the short story short but I still liked it. I will definitely read your other stories.
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| (4.5)
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