ok I liked it. I hope it does not make me a racist. the story starts with an action, good there is a short back story. Not sure it was needed but the story still moves along well. the character builds tension well with her viewpoint. the end scene was handled well.
good job the actions jumps at the beginning. one thing you might want to rewrite a little missing a few words in the second paragraph. also the impression I got is that he would need three hands to hang on to her, hold a hand over her mouth as well as hold a knife to her throat. the action was great the characters drew me in beginning middle and end all parts in the right place.
very well done. good beginning the character is taking action. smooth flowing from a bit of narrative aka backstory, an on with the story. good use of short description to move time along. must be a very expensive cable... the comparison between north and south sounds like you might be building a longer story from this. could be? character learns a lesson nice ending
hello, let me welcome you to this place. a place for writing and writers. we all find ourselves in the dark at times. you are not alone, speak your words, sing your phrases state your piece. this is a nice little piece of free writing. good job let us hear the rest. keep on writing.
well done. nice beginning jumps right into it. after a short introduction the conflict for the guy is presented well through the dialogue. a simple solution is offered and the reason why he can't work it out is presented in a well thought out responds by the dog. again good job.
sorry this one just did not do it for me. the beginning has a good start with the action of enjoying his lunch. the bird is nice touch but detracts from the overall story. I learn a little bit about the character, but it still does not form an attachment. the shift to soft children throws a wrench in it for me. just my opinion. keep on writing.
good beginning, opening right up with movement sets the right tempo for and maybe a sense of anticipation. you throw me a curve ball with the statement about Lu and her hair, but you are right back on track. with good visuals a climbing tension. the end resolves well with a small piece of dialogue. good job.
this was an entertaining story. I can't give it five stars because i am not sure where the story was supposed to go. the kitchen table family discussion worked but then the trip through the snow and the event of the couple getting stuck in the snow felt like more of a distraction than story progression. I get the change of heart by Sadie a nice touch. all this is just my opinion so keep on writing.
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