Cool story, I just love sci fi ..............Please revise your sizes, 50m for a wingspan is too far fetched for a creature to silently do anything, especially in heavy gravity...Please also do some research about their mass, ..........I would love to read the next chapter to find out what happens to captain Prell.
Usually I first lookout for grammatical errors, but alas I couldn't find any. It's probably way too early to find the plot since its only chapter one, but the piece lends itself, and illicit a need to want to continually read more. This chapter needs another and quickly
Please complete this sentence:The bag falls over and I look down at it, smiling suddenly even through the nerves that are twisting my stomach. ..This sentence is contradictory;No laptop, no phone, no way of communicating with the outside except the phone sitting on the table in the living room.(is there a phone or not)...
Grammatical errors:3rd chapter...change previous to past, just sounds better. Also ... Constant contact, via phone,...please delete the comma after contact. Use of commas is confusing me.
REVIEW: I really enjoyed reading through this expressive piece.
Instead of two times in the second paragraph you may want to just say twice...Please delete chapter 3 Tomorrow and keep the story going or unfolding during that one night, slow down the time....it keeps us readers in suspense...chapter 3 psychologically felt like the end
In the first paragraph; If you ommit the line.... the details of which are thankfully not required to move the story along,[You elicit the readers use imagination] please also revise the use of apostrophe-S
I like this story, but it needs a lot more descriptive words. Please review your paragraphs...a paragraph usually introduces and elaborates an idea. Check these too...Heat swarmed around his body, like a swarm of hornets, making him sweat like a pig...find another verb for the heat around his body....... Why he couldn't fall asleep. ....this is not a sentence
Apart from the grammatical error..."Some engineers would rather sleep next to their engine then [try than...!]leave it alone and if it got to that stage", otherwise it was a great read.
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check the grammatical error;James's[it's James']