Well done! You got me to connect with the characters despite the fact that you gave little description of them. I view that as a good thing! A little boring at the beginning, but I really felt the ending! Good job.
-Sam ;)
Well, the first thing I noticed were the grammatical and spelling mistakes, but I believe you did those intentionally, to add to the character. This is definitely well done. I learned a bit about cerebral palsy from Out of My Mind (great book by Shannon M Draper if you haven't read it) but this really got into the character from the perspective of her at a young age, and it really covered the emotions the parents, but especially the mother must feel, in a way much closer and stronger than in OOMM.
One thing I really enjoyed about it was that it was a poem, but it read like a story. I like poetry enough, but I like stories even more. (Not that poems aren't stories.)
I can't even imagine what it would feel like to have a daughter like that.
Stay strong!
-Sam
I gave you 3.5 stars, not because it is bad, but because I would need to read more of it to really become interested. I had a bit of a hard time reading it, as it took a bit for me to see what was going on, at least in terms of plot.
Based on the facts in the description, your story is based on a serious modern problem. I tend not to read too much of this kind of thing. I'm more interested in war, fantasy, horror, and other genres like that. But, on to editing.
For things I did like: You used detail perfectly, starting right at the beginning. As soon as you started writing, I could picture the character, and her lifestyle. You gave me the perfect picture without rambling on and on about it like some writers (including myself) do. If you had, I probably would have stopped reading, though it would have been hypocritical of me to do so.
And now I'm rambling.
I caught a few simple mistakes. For example, at one point, you wrote "Elsa said as left the room". There should be a she in there.
However, I have to say that you described high school social life almost perfectly.
Good story, but I'd need to read more of it to know just how good it is.
-Sam
Hey! I found your poem by clicking the Random Review button, and I loved it. I'm actually writing a book where darkness plays a big part, and this poem seems to fit in to some parts of it.
I don't usually write poetry, so if some of my comments are wrong or something, I'm sorry.
I especially like the third stanza (I think that's what it's called) because when you think about it, it's actually true. A lot of your oldest fears are related to the dark.
I also liked the last part, because your poem shows the contrast between light and dark, but the last stanza shows the balance.
I don't have any real criticisms for you, but you could try to look at it from a different perspective. This poem shows the dark as something bad and, well, evil, for lack of a better term. My perspective is that it can be both good and bad, gentle and painful. You have to admit that when you really think about it, there is something calm and gentle about it. Whenever I think of it this way, the song "Music of the Night" from Phantom of the Opera always comes to mind.
Anyway, great poem!
Sam Creed
Hi, Iva. I don’t usually care for poetry, but yours got to me. I’ve experienced something like it. The biggest thing I like about your poem is how easily it can relate to people. A lot of people feel like they fall short of people’s expectations, including myself. This is especially painful in a relationship with someone you love. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, having never been in a relationship, but your words give an excellent description of the feelings that no one really wants to hear.
I really like the line, “To kill with cuts of a thousand insults”. It is a pretty accurate way of describing how multiple insults from someone feels. Whenever I try to write poetry, mine always rhyme. I’ve never figured out how to do the non-rhyming type. So whenever I find someone who can, and can do it well, I’m impressed.
This is my first time reviewing anyone, so I hope I helped ( or at least did it right…)
Sam Creed
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