Pretty good on your first story. But during the first part of the story I found myself confused. Where was the plot taking place? Also, what were the soldiers fighting and was severing the consciousness. Other then these suggestions you story was pretty good.
I am also new here and I was wondering if you could read my short story title "The Evil" it is under supernaturual and is a fiction story.
By the way you describe Big Eddie really painted a mental picture of him. A big guy trying to make a name for himself in the gang life and trying to fit in. I think some readers will see similirities between them. Not the gang buisness but the trying to fit in type of buisness. Well done and keep writing.
Holy cow! What a story very well done. Your descriptive words painted a very clear mental picture. The way you put the story in third person was done vey well. You should keep writing about this story turn it into a book. That would be a book I would like to read. If you do write this as a book you may want to write about the struggles of getting to America and running from the law and then what their lifes are like in America. Once again very well done keep on writing.
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