I am lead to believe that the persona that wears the mask has some inner feelings of treachery. This is hidden under a mask that's barely clinging. No matter how elaborate the feint, one's true soul will really emerge. Like in this poem, someone saw the darkness of the masked persona.
This is what I think of the poem. Keep on writing!
Hi there! Just dropping by from Read a Newbie page. Here I go. The poem shows a simple thought. Letting light come in instead of being down and giving in to the dark. I like the second stanza the most, but I think you can create a better impact by injecting more emotions into the lines. Try making the conflict between the light and darkness more intense. That way the final stanza can be more powerful.
Hi! Just dropping by, the title and the intro interested me.
First Impression:
The first stanza is a powerful one. I agree with your words, and I have a grandfather who experienced the 2nd great war.
About the piece:
Though the first stanza is powerful, sadly, I can't say the same for the rest of the poem. The 2nd and 3rd stanza are both about courage, and they weather down the power of the first stanza. I suggest talking about what gave him that courage to keep fighting or no matter how heavy the fire a soldier still stands strong and moves on.
Overall:
You have a good start on this one. It needs a few more changes to shine. There is strength in it, you just need to show it more. Keep on writing!
I can relate to this. My gentle nature was often abused. I can agree with a lot of the things said in the poem.
About the piece:
The thought is well-presented. It can relate to a lot of people in the world, me included. The first stanza asked a question and it wanders through the stanzas trying to answer it, with the last stanza getting that answer. I like the concept. Flow wise, it sounds fine but there are some lines that feels forced or I had to pause a little. It's minor but it does break the pace.
Overall:
An interesting piece. I only saw minor adjustments, but as is...it is a nice piece. Keep on writing!
I feel the love, but it needs more. You need to let your heart flow out more. Let your heartbeat whisper or even shout this gentle emotion. It's a nice little piece, but it needs a bit more.
About the piece:
I like the third stanza. Ah love, it makes you fly doesn't it? Yet, I need to see the wings of this piece. I can imagine it, but I feel that you have something about love that is unique to you. This poem sounds a bit too general, and I wanna see love through your eyes...at least for this piece.
Overall, its cute, but it needs more. Keep on writing! ^^
Hi! Just saw this at the auto-reward page. So here I am dropping by.
First Impression:
It reminds me of my own father. Though our circumstances are different, the similarities are striking. It put tears to my eyes.
About the piece:
The pauses, the flow, and the alternating between the two personas made this poem feel whole. Reading this aloud, it made good music to my ears. The images flowing through my head related to my own experience with my father. That time when he first went home again. I did not see any errors. I believe that this is a well-written piece, and something I can read over and over. Keep on writing!
Hi! Saw this at the plug page and just dropping by!
First Impression:
Two stanzas. It compared the past and the present, and how reading changed medium. Honestly though, I thought this was more of an essay because of the title. Reading it a few times made me think that the poem does fit the theme.
About the piece:
You are right. A lot of reading is now digital. This could be a drawback of technology. Young children can benefit from early training with computers, videos, etc. But the digital media is cold and emotionless. It lacked the rhythm, the sound, the rhyme, and the sense of familiarity the voice of a parent is to a child.
Moving on, the poem flowed fine. The message came strong, and I agree with what you mean. Keep on writing! ^^
Talking inanimate objects are not original. However, I think you can expand on this. Turn it into a poem, or make the rock talk longer. Make it converse deeper thoughts. Or, you can set a story where they pass a rock or rocks. From this set off point, it can be great!
About the piece:
The format hurts my eyes, I'm sorry. Yet, there is a gem here. I see where the idea is going. I understand what you mean to say with that talking rock. But, it can be made more memorable. Set it different to other personified objects. Overall, its an interesting piece. Keep on writing! ^^
HI! I saw the link on a newsletter archive. The title interested me, so here I am dropping by on this piece.
First impression:
I wish I read this when I was at my most hectic moments. I was juggling 3 meetings in a day, college, and leadership responsibilities. The tone of the article is so calming, that I could have taken that brief moment of rest...during the storm.
About the piece:
I read it aloud and it flowed well. Each paragraph seamlessly connecting to the next. It felt like the water coming of that hose. It made me think I was the willow tree. The piece made me remember all the hectic moments, the sad moments, and the wish-to-be-forgotten moments. It made made me think that they are all parts of my experiences, and I should accept them as part of me. I may need lots of energy to keep going, but since I am still alive alive, I can do a lot of things.
With this experience, I can whisper advice to a weary stranger or a tired friend. In this life, we have to support each other to live well.
Overall:
The gentle and relaxing tone gave me a moment of reflection. I enjoyed the read and it was worth reading several times. I have not seen any errors. Keep on writing! ^^
The past, I used to live in the past even if I should be here, right now. Yet, memories are tempting to look back to. I know this feeling of love being stuck at yesterday. I can really relate with this piece.
About the poem:
I like the rhythm of the poem. It sounded like a slow heartbeat as I read it aloud. It's a heartbeat that felt cold and wished it can go back before. But hearts are made that it should not beat backwards...lest we die. The past is still tempting. Image-wise, it tempts the persona more to go back to the time before. All the lines point back to yesterday. No matter what the persona does, or he wishes....it would be yesterday.
Yet, a little wish was thrown. Deep down he wants to move on, walk forward, and at the same time look back, see and feel the past.
A conflict of time and emotion. All wrapped with a heartbeat like rhythm. I really enjoyed this piece. Nice write and keep on writing!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/word_engr
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 5:52pm on Nov 10, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
