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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wolf.heart
Review Requests: OFF
27 Public Reviews Given
44 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to point out all of the things you do well, and occasionally make some minor editing suggestions where I see fit. I share my thoughts and ask questions related to your work. You never need to reply, but my goal for doing that is to get you to thinking more deeply about what you wrote!
I'm good at...
getting those creative juices flowing! I love writing, and I try to do it as much as possible.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy and supernatural/paranormal stories are my favorites. Anything out of the ordinary floats my boat :)
Least Favorite Genres
I hate reading anything that has to do with sports. You can mention sports and talk about them, but I don't like sports-themed stories, etc. Also, don't expect me to read or enjoy anything about religion, because, in all honesty, I won't.
Favorite Item Types
I typically go for the short stories and the poetry.
I will not review...
Sports stories, religious documents, anything with extremely sexual moments, incomplete items, or unedited items with really bad grammar or punctuation (mainly because I'll want to edit everything first before I get to the actual criticism of the piece. Or, if the grammar is ungodly horrible, I will be distracted from the entire piece itself.)
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Honestly, I did not find much wrong with this story, aside from the prose being too mature for what you claim to be a "children's story" and the presence of a few grammatical errors. Character development, however, did resemble many stories and legends often told to children, especially since the characters are raccoons! That's very cute indeed :)

The first error, though minor, disrupted the flow of the piece slightly. It occurred at the end of the first paragraph and read as follows:
"My brothers would never let me forget, the fact, that I was the smallest, youngest, and . . . a girl."
The error is one with commas, and as you know, correct comma usage is pretty crucial. The sentence should therefore read:
"My brothers would never let me forget the fact that I was the smallest, youngest, and . . . a girl."

The second error is a simple one as well. You wrote, "He’d get a serious far away look on his face......" By this one cannot tell the relationship between the words "serious far away look", but luckily most people will understand. Instead, should say "far-away" or "faraway" to indicate what type of look was on his face.

Also, I would like to know more about your characters! Where will they end up? Have you thought at all about expanding your story? Even if you do not, it is still a heart-warming and heart-breaking story about raccoon siblings fighting hard to stay alive. I cried when their mom died. And I cried at the happy ending when Lilac and Bandit found a home with a couple of humans ... and Rocky :) It was really sweet. Ponch the cat was one of the best supporting characters I have ever seen in a story, as well! I wish that this story wasn't so perfect; that way, I'd be able to give you a meaningful review with constructive criticism and all of that... I'm not just trying to be nice, either. It is truly a great story, with memorable characters and a message that we can all learn from.

And so I bid you farewell with a final question: What motivated you to write this piece? What was your inspiration?

Keep Writing! (and I mean it)
KA Matthews
wolf.heart
2
2
Review of Break Me  Open in new Window.
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

I would like to start off by saying that this is a sublime piece! There is a very depressing vibe: Everyone treats you the same, like you're not worth it, and it's very degrading! (Honestly, I can only relate because I read a lot and watch excessive amounts of television.)

The first criticism I would like to make is very minor and merely aesthetic -- capitalize! (especially the "i". eg: that I was right about myself) People will take you more seriously if you do so, so you might want to consider taking the time to capitalize at the beginnings of every sentence! :) Overall, though, this is a slight issue that does not take away from the quality of the piece.

Next I will discuss your punctuation. Yes, you have a period here and there to signal the endings of sentences, but I feel like it needs some commas. When I first started to dabble in poetry, I was obsessed with using semicolons. I was told my poetry would flow better if I added periods instead. This is a similar to your case with the commas, or lack thereof. Take a look at this:

Not good enough,
not here enough,
not pleasant,
not present,
not you enough
to make you want me.

I hope you agree that that flows much more nicely! (Hint: Write a poem like you would regular sentences.)

On the topic of the passage I quoted above: What did you mean by "not here enough", "not present" enough? What was this supposed to invoke in the audience?

What is your intended message? What are you trying to tell us? (I feel like you're saying that you have to open your eyes before you open your heart.)

What is the exigence of the piece (what led you to decide to write this)? (Just something to think about.)

You did an excellent job with this. It almost brought a tear to my eye (emphasis on the word 'almost')! Anyway, I loved the simplicity of the writing and of the language (your 'parade' metaphor, just another kid to give candy to, was sheer expertise) and I especially loved your diction in the last few lines:

I break my heart
when I don't see,
when I don't realize
each time
that it's coming back in two.

I mean, what a way to end the piece. Seriously man, I've got the chills.

Keep Writing! (and I mean it)
Ciao -.-
KAMatthews


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Whimsical Words  Open in new Window.
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
"The moon caressed her skin, as a mother would caress her dead child." Wow... morbid. This line gave me the chills, and brought a tear to my eye. Personally, I would have said "sleeping child," but that's just me! :P

There were some fragment sentences that stood out. One example is: "The soft sand grinding at her already worn feet. She tripped." I would bind the two with a comma.

"The sea water bathed her for a second, but retreated at her touch. It was scared." How is the sea 'scared'?

"She clenched her fists, filling the with the soft sea sand." 'The' should be 'them'. I realize that this was a typo, but I thought I'd bring it to your attention.

"Her toes cleft deep wounds on the beach's soft sandy surface." Another typo? 'Cleft' = 'left'?

' Her toes cleft deep wounds in the beach's soft sandy surface. The sea licked her feet gently, like a scolded dog. It was asking her to stop.
“No,” she thought to herself. “I won't. I won't stop.” ' I thought it was clever how you used this passage twice. If fit nicely.

"She remembered a forest, vaguely, high branch where she sat...sat in the forest." The word 'the', I thought, should be right before the word 'high', after the comma.

There were a few more errors, but I don't feel like I have to mention them.

Overall, this was an excellent read. It was very interesting, and it played with my mind. It was confusing in a deliciously good way! I loved the alliterations 'whimsical whispered words on the wind,' etc. It was awesome :)

Keep On Writing!
K.A. Matthews
wolf.heart
4
4
Review of By the Numbers  Open in new Window.
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good.. but I always thought a Limerick was supposed to be kind of rhythmic, for example

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He woke with a fright
In the middle of the night
And found that his dream had come true!

Yes, I got that from SpongeBob. I really liked this poem, though, it was really cute :)

Ciao
-.-
5
5
Review of Love Close Up  Open in new Window.
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. It made me smile, especially with the last line :) I can tell that you are a gifted writer. This poem was very creative, and very well-written. I couldn't have said it better myself!! The only complaint I have is that it didn't read much like a poem, but rather, just a well-constructed paragraph. Indeed.

Thank you for sharing!

Keep On Writing!
K.A. Matthews
wolf.heart
6
6
Review of The Fun House  Open in new Window.
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a great read. Every line held a lot of suspense and I kept on reading, because I had to know what was going to happen! In other words, I loved it. It was just the right amount of suspense and it flowed very nicely. You, sir, are a master storyteller. I'll be checking out more of your work!

Keep on writing!
K.A. Matthews
wolf.heart
7
7
Review of My Condemnation  Open in new Window.
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This piece is very interesting and intriguing, and I found it very descriptive. However, it didn't read much as a poem; it read more as a narrative or a monologue. You have excellent writing skills, and I commend you for that. I look forward to reading more of your writing.

Cheers!
K.A. Matthews
8
8
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm a bit confused... what does the = mean ??

This contest is a cool idea :)
9
9
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem was CRAZY, man! I really loved it. GOD, I still have goose bumps! :) It is a very descriptive and chilling piece. I just can't get over it. But the reason I gave it 4.5 stars was, ... wait nevermind I just reread it and decided to give it five stars! I didn't find anything wrong with it, except that I still have goose bumps :)

wolf.heart
10
10
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was EXTREMELY well-written. Still, I don't think it should have ended this way. I liked it better, how they both killed themselves in the fear of living withoug their beloved, and yet, I still wish they had lived. And, If Shakespeare were still alive today, and he saw this, would he like it, would he feel insulted? I don't know. Even though I don't like that you, well, still made them die, I liked the story line. I liked how you took a part of Shakepeare's style of writing and extended the most famous love story of all time and added a twist to it. This is certainly not the ending of a love story. Well done :)
11
11
Review by K. A. Matthews Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I REALLY love the story line. It's hilarious!!! And above all that, I love to add on to it. It's starting to get really interesting!!! It keeps getting funnier and funnier ;) I always look forward to reading all of the new additions to this story. :)
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