the beggining stanzas and then 'but there is another fall' 'and that is to fall in love' is so brilliant, very emotive writing. ^-^ loved reading this and a beautiful message
that first line... i love this so much i want your words in a book.
i love how you repeated 'but dont you ever' its so impacting, and 'squeeze the trigger' this is only my opinion but i love your choice of wording you used with squeeze, aa beautiful poem! i hope you dont stop writing >-<
An older sister here. It’s lovely to read a poem from this pint of view. I’ve never heard of Korean Kasa so I can’t comment on that. Lovey short poem ^_^
‘Imagine tripping over the proverbial ease of it” I love this line it just rolls off the tongue and the personification perfectly conveys your message. Perhaps mad desire is only required. I struggle to understand if you only were talking about riding a bike because I saw many different meanings. Regardless that is just me.
I enjoyed this a lot ^_^
I enjoy romance poems and especially ones such as yours ^_^ I like how you re worded the same line at the end of each stanza just reminding us that the poem is about being rescued from darkness not sinking into it. I liked reading this.
I love the message your poem tells.
In my opinion there a quite a few lines that need to be grammatically checked.
A poems effect is important and language can dictate the effect you want to give, but grammar is important to convey a clear message to the reader.
^_^
I think I understand the theme of your poem? But something about the short lines and punctuation almost made it seem excitable. ‘Reaching out with a flinch the cannon barks fire in your fist’ is a great line and it’s longer so it has more impact. The last line ‘and we..’ I didn’t quite understand. But of course that’s my interpretation. I hope you keep writing ^_^
This is full of pain and grief and i can’t help but to deeply sympathise with you. With the pain of losing a child yet writing so beautifully, it’s admirable. Carry on writing your son would want you to be happy.
Sending love.
Wisteria
Lovely poem I could really envision it. I love the line “the darkness thick and curdling”
Idk much about poetic terminology, but this is really nice ^_^
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