I like the story and the content, it flows well. It reads like a snap shot of a film scene. It would be nice however if a little more of the scene was set at the start, apart from that nicely done..
This reads as a very personal statement and sums up what everybody is truely looking for out of life and relationships. My constructive comment would be to attempt to even out the syllabul count in the 5th and 6th stanza, It flows really well for the first 4 but looses its balance and punchyness at the end.
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