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8 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of More Secrets  Open in new Window.
Review by WirelessW Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
This is clearly a personal piece, and while it may be a little unwelcome I'm going to focus on one specific area: The piece on a technical level. The first paragraph is such a huge, solid chunk of text that it becomes difficult to follow after a certain point. Combine that with some grammar issues (particularly with apostrophes) and the potential impact of the piece is impaired.

If this was just a means of venting, then by all means vent away. But if you intended it for other readers, then it may have been better to make it easier to read.
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Review by WirelessW Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
Is this a poem, or is it a list of words? Two lists, I suppose. I could get the same stuff from a thesaurus.

Also: I understand that the split between adjectives and verbs is part of the form, but it really makes the whole thing clunkier than it needs to be.
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Review of The Greedy King  Open in new Window.
Review by WirelessW Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
There is a bit of a whimsical quality to this; it's really quite Roald Dahl, and I appreciate that a good deal. The moral of the tale is also a good one.

That being said, the scansion/rhythm of the piece did fall apart somewhat at times. Also, free/greedy is quite forced, as rhymes go.
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