Simple but excellent concept. Impressive that you made such a strong emotion in such few words.
I like how the narrator even acknowledges that the new coworker is perfect in every way, it only adds to the tragedy. It is a well written short overall. Just maybe extend a little bit to make the progression a bit more natural. But this is honestly an excellent template for a longer story. Good job.
Wow. That was really eerie, I'm interested to see what comes next. I like the ominous and mysterious tone in this. Mysterious adoptions are always a good premise despite being done before. The writing in this is descriptive and detailed and really paints the picture in your head without having to think about it too hard, which is the hallmark of an excellent story and excellent writing. This is shaping up to be a really interesting novel or maybe a short story!
If I had to give a recommendation, I would say maybe make sure the characters are as developed as they can be. Maybe add a conversation between two of them during the night while the others are asleep, or something similar that makes sure your characters are all as unique and identifiable as possible. In the best stories, the dialogue immediately gives away who is talking, and while that can be hard to pull off, it is the best you can strive for.
Well done. I would give it 4.8 stars if possible, but with the limited rating system, I shall bump you up to a 5! I'll try to follow this project, you've piqued my interest. Excellent job!
Very creative flash fiction! Super relatable when an old childhood memory clicks into place like that, and the feeling is given off very strongly here. Genius subject for a flash fiction contest too, talking about writer's block! I think it's innocent enough to be E rated, but just barely.
I like the dramatic irony here and think it's well designed and very funny! If I had to be super super picky, maybe reword the second paragraph a bit. It's just a little confusing and hard to read. Other than that, excellent flash fiction!
I like it. Clever idea, short and sweet, excellent dialogue. Flash fiction is extremely hard to write because you have no time to develop characters so you need to jump straight to the point and climax. You do that very well here. Very surreal feeling, sort of reminds me of a Bill Wurtz video where the dialogue in wording is a little unusual and confusing but gives off a very clear feeling and central idea. Very well done, you've earned 5 stars!
I like it! Very wholesome with some clever rhymes and structure. The flow is very smooth and pretty much never gets broken. If I'm being super picky, consider refining the stanzas where the lines are more uneven if you think you can. Good simple earth day message, well written, and clever rhymes. Great work, and good luck in your future poetry!
Well-made poem! Clever rhymes and very clear and easy to understand. I like the possessive use of "brown eyes have." The only thing I would suggest is to maybe make it a bit longer with more descriptive language overall. In its current form, it's a little short and simplistic, so some more lines of description could go a long way (although I get that's hard to do while rhyming!) Enjoy some GP's and have a good day!
An enjoyable, mildly funny story/historical fiction. I'm not usually a massive historical fiction fan, but I liked this very much. In particular, I liked the contrast you can immediately see between the two characters, the peaceful grace of Constance, and the energetic excitement from Oscar.
The one thing this is missing however is much dialogue from Oscar. This is understandable, as it is the beginning of the book and this is told from Constances perspective, but still, I think slightly more dialogue from Oscar would have grounded his character a bit quicker which would be useful to keep the reader engaged.
Honestly though, really good, I'm surprised at how many good things are in the review requests tab today.
This was outstanding work. I love science fiction, and this feels like a great plot idea. I love the feeling this gives off, the quickest comparison that comes to mind is the movie "The Adjustment Bureau" (one of my all-time favourites.)
A plot like this really encourages moral dilemmas. "Is it right to ruin one person's life for the overall greater good?" "Who deserves absolute power?" and of course the big one with this type of story: "Do we really have free will?" These are hard questions to write about while still being entertaining, but you have more than achieved it so far. Those last few minutes just flew by!
So you are probably wondering, why did I rate this 4 stars instead of 5. Simple, and it's really nitpicky, but the plot feels too progressed right at the start. I feel like this short story kind of just throws you right into the narrative without much time to get on your feet through detailed exposition. That's not to say you did a bad job at exposition, just that there wasn't quite enough focus on it considering this is supposed to be the very beginning of the story.
What I would have done is start out by putting Will on a more routine mission first. This would give the reader a chance to understand the idea of the story a bit better before revealing the important plot point of the agency desiring this scientist's death for some reason. Then, the story would move into the part you did here, although maybe it itself a bit slower. You don't need to rush this, it's a very interesting idea and I think with more complex ideas like this, slower pacing is the way to go. Detail Will's inner conflict, and if your plan with this story is to play it out like a mystery, then maybe add subtle clues here and there as to why the organization desires this.
I almost feel bad about only giving this 4 stars because of how much I like the idea, but all this story really needs is a slower overall pace. The whole story doesn't have to be that way, just the beginning would be much easier to digest I think if it was taken slower. Congrats, I am definitely following this project to see what else comes of it. I can sense this being a really, really top-notch novel with consistent work put in. Enjoy some gift points and please keep working on it!
Im so sorry to hear the news about 7...7. Especially since this is a really great start to a good story. My suggestion? Try finishing it on your own! All the framework is there, it just needs a writer, and you can do it, Im sure!
Continues well, no gross vore or foot fetishes so thats great, decent story overall! I like the two characters, and think its an interesting idea, if I had to be nitpicky, maybe change andrews reaction. there isnt nearly enough horror at the thought of being shrunk.
I think it's a decent start! All I can ask is don't go innapropriate, too many giant/giantess stories that rely on foot fetishes and other gross images. Otherwise, good start!
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