Really interesting idea! I'm sufficiently creeped out yet intrigued, ha, ha! It's always a joy to read stories based around Artificial Intelligence/Algorithms and the eerily almost but not quite human characteristics of them. This could genuinely be a really interesting character study in particular, both of the Algorithm and Krim. However, my one criticism is that is doesn't really fit as the first chapter. My advice would be to first have the character talk about himself a bit more to give the reader a feel of what he's really like, and then follow up with this chapter to start the plot. I've noticed this is a trend in Sci-fi on this website. Absolutely genius ideas, the only real flaw is a lack of exposition. You don't need absurd amounts, but a little exposition and character description goes a long way to making the story more effective. But overall, I really like this, and I will definitely follow the project further! For some reason, the star button isn't appearing, but my star rating is 4.5 stars!
Well-made poem! Clever rhymes and very clear and easy to understand. I like the possessive use of "brown eyes have." The only thing I would suggest is to maybe make it a bit longer with more descriptive language overall. In its current form, it's a little short and simplistic, so some more lines of description could go a long way (although I get that's hard to do while rhyming!) Enjoy some GP's and have a good day!
An enjoyable, mildly funny story/historical fiction. I'm not usually a massive historical fiction fan, but I liked this very much. In particular, I liked the contrast you can immediately see between the two characters, the peaceful grace of Constance, and the energetic excitement from Oscar.
The one thing this is missing however is much dialogue from Oscar. This is understandable, as it is the beginning of the book and this is told from Constances perspective, but still, I think slightly more dialogue from Oscar would have grounded his character a bit quicker which would be useful to keep the reader engaged.
Honestly though, really good, I'm surprised at how many good things are in the review requests tab today.
This was outstanding work. I love science fiction, and this feels like a great plot idea. I love the feeling this gives off, the quickest comparison that comes to mind is the movie "The Adjustment Bureau" (one of my all-time favourites.)
A plot like this really encourages moral dilemmas. "Is it right to ruin one person's life for the overall greater good?" "Who deserves absolute power?" and of course the big one with this type of story: "Do we really have free will?" These are hard questions to write about while still being entertaining, but you have more than achieved it so far. Those last few minutes just flew by!
So you are probably wondering, why did I rate this 4 stars instead of 5. Simple, and it's really nitpicky, but the plot feels too progressed right at the start. I feel like this short story kind of just throws you right into the narrative without much time to get on your feet through detailed exposition. That's not to say you did a bad job at exposition, just that there wasn't quite enough focus on it considering this is supposed to be the very beginning of the story.
What I would have done is start out by putting Will on a more routine mission first. This would give the reader a chance to understand the idea of the story a bit better before revealing the important plot point of the agency desiring this scientist's death for some reason. Then, the story would move into the part you did here, although maybe it itself a bit slower. You don't need to rush this, it's a very interesting idea and I think with more complex ideas like this, slower pacing is the way to go. Detail Will's inner conflict, and if your plan with this story is to play it out like a mystery, then maybe add subtle clues here and there as to why the organization desires this.
I almost feel bad about only giving this 4 stars because of how much I like the idea, but all this story really needs is a slower overall pace. The whole story doesn't have to be that way, just the beginning would be much easier to digest I think if it was taken slower. Congrats, I am definitely following this project to see what else comes of it. I can sense this being a really, really top-notch novel with consistent work put in. Enjoy some gift points and please keep working on it!
Im so sorry to hear the news about 7...7. Especially since this is a really great start to a good story. My suggestion? Try finishing it on your own! All the framework is there, it just needs a writer, and you can do it, Im sure!
Continues well, no gross vore or foot fetishes so thats great, decent story overall! I like the two characters, and think its an interesting idea, if I had to be nitpicky, maybe change andrews reaction. there isnt nearly enough horror at the thought of being shrunk.
I think it's a decent start! All I can ask is don't go innapropriate, too many giant/giantess stories that rely on foot fetishes and other gross images. Otherwise, good start!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/willtheconq
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 6:46pm on Nov 26, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
