Let me just say, wow! Very creative, from the very beginning the story drew me in, with the imagery. I saw the sap in the tree! Everything I seemed to read on the page unfolded clearly in my mind. Which should be the goal of all writers. And several comical references such as rock music, flint "stone", was great. From reading this I can tell that you have a gift for drawing the reader in. Why not use that gift in one of the most "IMPORTANT" parts of your story. When the boy sheds his tear, I simply felt disconnected. That part alone is a representation of how the boy felt on the whole subject. It should contain more then one line. But that is only an opinion. The ending confused me a bit, what exactly happened? Who was the man? You might consider clearing it up a bit, making sure the readers understand. I fabulous story, I read it front to back without stopping.
One of the first things I want to mention is how well you drew me into the story with the dialog. The characters personalities were shining. A great story all in all. At the end, I was wondering, why is there a love connection? It added the right elements, but for some reasons I just found this odd. The man slaughtered her people. Maybe you can explain it to me personally or maybe detail it a bit more in the story. But I still think it was great, specially the ending. Good Job.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/wickedjay432
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 7:12am on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
