Another one of yours popped up in my Read A Newbie and I happily clicked on it. I will say, there is a peacefulness about your poetry. Peacefulness, wisdom and quiet joy. It’s a very welcome break from this hectic (and often stupid) world. I enjoyed this poem very much, particularly the use of repetition in the third verse. But this is a review and not just a gush, so I will offer what teeny tiny thoughts that I may.
“Each time they are washed by the rain,
Blown by the wind,”
Two thoughts: Could you find a more powerful verb than “washed”? I think of how the ocean erodes a coastline when I imagine the footprints disappearing. And in the second line could you add “Or” at the start (maybe removing “the” to maintain the rhythm)? It would match your later repetitions nicely: Washed or blown/Buried or concealed, that kind of thing.
My favourite verse was the third, partly because of the repetitive style, but mainly because of the wisdom it imparts. To anyone who strives to create, it is a great reminder that no one can create what you do, or in quite the same way.
The title for this poem is so perfect. It embodies the failures of governments across the world, the lies told, the promises broken to steal power, and then abuse it. It’s masterfully written, potent and with excellent structure and word choices. I found only two tiny parts where I wondered if a word could be cut:
“Your rulers change, yet they always remain It's the same corrupting breed.”
and
“To hold it whole, not sell it piecemeal
To every bidder witha gilded tongue.“
I apologise profusely if my opinion throws off the poem's meter, it’s really not something I know much about. It was simply that when I read and re-read each line it seemed to flow better to my mind’s ear.
As a non-poet, I was really quite in awe of this piece. It was tight, well-written, purposeful and inspiring. The second section—the vision of something purer—took me back to tales of Arthur and Camelot, a leader pure and true. Hard to choose a favourite part really, there’s so many, but I did rather like this:
“A choice between thieves and madmen—
But what choice is this?
What reason can be found in chaos?”
It seems to sum up the last UK election perfectly.
Ah, what a beautiful piece! The imagery was simple but incredibly powerful. I can see it completely in my minds eye, and it left me hankering for the cold clear days of winter. I’ve read and re-read it and honestly can’t pick a favourite line—each one flows from the last, all equally emotive and necessary. I can find nothing to critique.
Congratulations and thank you for a truly lovely read!
Ronny
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/walkerguy
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:48pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
