Yes, I will do anything to get my youth back! This is just beautifully written and I felt emotional--and it might be because I'm an avid reader--but by the way your words spoke out to me, they struck my heart! I pondered back to my childhood and felt the anxiousness of being an adult pound my head.
Now, as I watch my 5 year old niece grow up, I feel guilt hit me as I wish she would stay young forever. I don't want her to rush through this.
But with 5 Aunts all older and "cooler", I know it's inevitable. Thank you for writing this, really.
Wow. This is...wow. That's all I really have to say. It's simple, without any excessive words, and it takes me on a journey of what I have experience, what I have hidden away, and what I have told. Great Comparison, and I love the "As you journey your way to the end, either you fall in love with the insides, or you hate them. Either way, it's not something or someone you easily forget."
Unintentional repetition? Well, that doesn't really matter. I added that from your work because it was my favorite line! Great job.
Er...this has a good main point and I enjoyed it, but it felt rushed. Choppy, short sentences that were in good usage but it just makes it all seem rushed. Good Job with the wording, though it could be better. I really like how you gave it some suspense and left us hanging at the end. Though some questions follow; was Sophie's mind playing tricks on her and she imagined she was at home? Did she died just as brutally as Grace and James?
Ouch my heart! I was reading this and immediately felt guilty because I know someone who feels this way to someone else and I know she doesn't love him back. I console him a lot, and I felt that I was watching him try to fight against the fact she doesn't reciprocate his feelings. Great work in making this feel relate able, though I wish it was in a different format. It seems more of a rant of how the Narrator lost a love to someone else than writing a letter of how s/he is saying goodbye.
I didn't enjoy this as much as I thought I would. Sure, it has it's points, but just the way this is presented made me shake my head and scan through it like a textbook. I was confused as it what was being written and I wasn't intrigued by it. Nice word usages, though some of it is excessive. There's always room for improvement, I say.
This was amazing! I can totally relate with it because I feel as if I'm watching my dreams shrivel into nothing as I make mistakes. And I'll do anything to get rid of those mistakes! Sure, it got a bit confusing, but I was able to understand it after my second readthrough. I do have a problem with the simplicity of it. Simple can always be the best, and yet it may not always be. So, maybe add in more...intriguing words that can catch the author's eye?
I cried out "awww" when I first read this.
The second time I realized that this was sending out a long message of pain to someone who showed no love or remorse to their broken heart.
It spoke quite clearly to me, though I wish I could relate, but alas; I was never in this position.
Some of the wording might be able to have been better, and the title was a bit odd.
If the Narrator tried to hide their heart, then why does the title say that it belongs to that person? Because the Narrator still loves them?
Ah, well. Whatever the true purpose is of the title, even with it seeming to be a bit odd, it works. Great Job! :)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vivianporch
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 4:45am on Sep 22, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
