This was a very poetic write, but having ADD I had difficulty staying with the image in my mind. Although the paragraph was one giant block, the words, many in fragments, presented a lot of pause so it was difficult to get a full picture of the image you painted at first. In the end, I was somewhat lost in the many fragments. From a proofreader's point of view, I had to re-read some sentences, to grasp the image you tried to share. I appreciated the dreamscape of your writing, though. So when I read it aloud to myself, I could then hear the poetry in your words and feel the surrealness of a person walking through a dream. Ultimately, you needed more fluidity in your piece. Please do not give up on this piece, it has the makings of a great work of art.
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