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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/thomasrydder
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Review by Thomas Rydder Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I love the story line, and making it seem as though the young soldier had died was very clever. There are a few editing needs, which can be cleared up. The use of "ratatat and boom boom" is a little youngish, perhaps you should say "the unmistakable chatter of AK-47 fire served as a backdrop to the continuous thudding of mortar shells" or something.
Some other wordings and dialogue need to be smoothed, but other than that, it's a tidy little story...

Best of luck,

Thomas Rydder
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