I really like the message behind this poem, great idea. Before I begin to review, let me say that I am no poet, so pardon any ignorance. The message and the symbolism were awesome. The only problem that I had was the redundency of the syntax. At times the piece became a little choppy. Again I am no poet, so if that is the style and redundency that you are going for then forget my advice. I would love it if you would take the time to review a piece of mine and give your honest thoughts. Again, great ideas and symbolism. I loved the message.
I love the description and details that you include. Your diction is also great for the intended purpose. The only thing keeping this from being a 5 is that I don't completely understand where you are going, or rather what's going on. But it is a very nicely crafted piece. Good job! :)
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