"Fragmented thoughts of digital kind"- I thought that was a good line. i thought you really captured the technological part of the subject, you added enough description and detail like "blue screen of death" and "nil circuits untouched". one thing i did notice, though, is your lack of punctuation and some words just don't sound right in the poem. other than that, awesome job!
- Erika
P.S.- if you don't mind, would you be willing to review some of my items? i'm new to this site and need people's feedback. thanks!
hmmm... i don't think i fully understand your conflict in this poem. what feelings and experiences were you trying to relate to the reader? other than that spotof confusion, i enjoyed your piece! it's good to read rhymes, and you did an excellent job! please check out my items, and once again, great poem!
wow. that's quite powerful. i enjoyed it! i love the way you describe the women- how they look and their actions, and i love your word choice. it's quite vivid and fits your tone, in my opinion. overall, quite spectacular. like i said, it really strikes you at the end- the man is naught, if not an artist. i think it really opens the reader's eyes to your toleranceand persistence. nice job!
check out my stuff, please! i'm working on a sort of poetry journal, and i would love to hear some feedback about it!
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