Words Whirling 'Round's (tgifisher77) Reviews

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281 Public Reviews Given

281 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Every word we put to paper comes from someone else. We learn from parents, teachers, books, movies, idle conversations - our entire life becomes our source material. The only thing that's original and unique is our choice of how we put the words together. To be 100% honest, we'd have to credit the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Google for every poem and story. I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me! Only the author can take credit for the final words, no matter what the source.

I'm good at...

My co-workers used to call me a 'typo savant'. Apparently, I read letter by letter instead of word by word. This is both a gift and a curse. I am often distracted by a typo when I should just move on in the story.

Favorite Genres

Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy, Mystery

Least Favorite Genres

I'm not a big fan of romance writing.

Favorite Item Types

Poetry, Short Stories

1

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#4747135

Review of Ritual

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

Sometimes my dad would ask us "Are you bragging or complaining?"

I think this piece captures some of both. There are some good insights into loneliness here. The freedom of not being accountable and the pain of not being needed. It can be hard work for an introvert to socialize, yet being alone can be even more painful.

My poem Introvert

deals with similar feelings.

I note that the subject has a dog to provide emotional support. Pets are wonderful, but not always enough. It's telling that the subject still says that they live alone, even with a canine companion.

Overall, this is good piece of writing that shares the author's feelings honestly. My favorite line is:

When the sun is falling and the moon meets it halfway, I take a moment to bathe in the emotions that I've lived today.

There are a couple of spots that might benefit from a second look. I've made some suggestions below in bold. If you don't want to see them, then don't scroll down.

Keep on writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

I feel alone in my most comfortable clothes.
The shirt that has holes, the pants that are too big for me.
I dance around in my tiny room, that has become my sanctuary.
I ignore my phone, because I am alone.
A pile of books (rests) on my bed, because no one sits there.
The small whispers of my actions fill the air, I fall asleep. Soundly.
When I when the morning comes, and I wake up early so I truly see it come to me. I feel a sense of solace that the world made it out safely.
By mid-afternoon, when the sun is at, its worst. Dionysus walks me to the grocery store.
We laugh and skip down the hills, avoiding cracks on the sidewalk.
I take a second to look at the Sun, which is in constant competition with the cold atmosphere. In the (that moment?) second everything becomes bigger and more severe.
I look down. I am alone.
I don't buy much because; I live alone.
I skip out on the wine, since it is the fuel to the fire. Or maybe because my license was (has?) expired and no one told me. I live alone.
When the sun is falling and the moon meets it halfway, I take a moment to bathe in the emotions that I've lived today. It take a long time because no one is waiting for me.
I think about the people I've met on the street, who will never meet me.
All those bashful smiles. Their animated blood that turns their face red. those sad eyes that cast down, possibly avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk as I once did.
'It's all too much for me.' I think, as I lie in the bed that smells like me. So comfortable I am, alone. So I fall asleep soundly.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

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#4734380

Review of Wings

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

Well done! I like your poem a lot. The images are very good. Folding origami cranes as an act of contrition (or reaching out) is an interesting variation on the theme. The final line could be a reference to the injury inflicted? At any rate, that's what I got out of it.

I've reread the definition of Haiku several times and I don't know if I'll ever completely get it. Your syllable format is exactly correct, and the crane references the natural world. It works for me.

Keep on writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

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#4734371

Review of Staged

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

Very nice! I like this poem a lot. I prefer poetry that has rhyme and structure. This one has an interesting format. The images are very good, I thought for a moment that it would be about lovemaking and then realized that, in a way, it is. So, good job with evoking that similarity.

There's nothing wrong here, but I'm me, so there are suggestions below.

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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(If you don't like nitpicks, then don't scroll down)

I could hear her screaming,
Feel her trying to pull away.
She was pushing me into my seat. (too many syllables for my ear)
Her rear end slipping, trying to sway, (too much she and her for my ear)
Her voice drove all sound from my ears. (something like shriek rather than voice?)

It ended so quickly,
Only seconds since begun. (needs a period?)
A light flashed in front of me;
A quarter mile run and won.
The only sound now the crowd’s cheers.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

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#4727993

Review of In the Wilds of Time

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Congratulations on your second place finish!

I posted an entry for round 128 and noticed your handle in round 127.

There's a lot to like here. Mostly free, but with good alliteration and mild rhyme. I like the image of makers and minions, and the sinister threat of ticking, tocking, and stalking. The only nit I have is the last line where bleep doesn't feel quite right to me.

I also recognized the illustration from a contest I entered a while ago. Time Bound

didn't win there, perhaps I should enter it here?

Warm regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

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#4724836

Review of Bunkhouse Porch

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I like the subject and your thoughts are heartfelt. It seems as though you know your subject. There are a number of good images that evoke the ranch atmosphere. I especially like the reference to a new colt's joy. That's one of the best parts about ranch life. You might enjoy a piece I've just posted about a real-life cowboy "Uncle Roy"

.

I am a fan of old-fashioned poetry with rhyme and meter. I'm glad to see you putting yours out for us to enjoy. That said, there are some lines that sound a bit awkward to my ear. I've included some suggestions below (in bold) that I think could improve the meter without damaging the poetry. if you don't want to see them then don't scroll down!

Keep writing the good stuff,

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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They gather at the bunkhouse,
To have a little fun.
From cowboy to the cooks louse,
When their day’s work is done.
When working day is done.

They come to hear a new tale,
Or join the sing along.
Yarns spun on the cowboy trail,
Yarns spun along the cowboy trail,
Often retold through song.
Often retold in a song.

Some tales are of cattle drives,
Others are of horses.
Some the feats of cowboys lives,
Some the feats of cowboy's lives,
Others nature’s forces.

Most these tales been told before,
Most old tales been told before,
Some are made up brand new.
and some are made up new.
Many make your spirits soar,
Yet others you just rue.

There’s always one old cowboy,
Whose tales can weave a spell.
He tells of a new colt’s joy,
He tells about a new colt’s joy,
Or of a snow storm’s hell.

The songs they might be ribald,
And cowgirls might just blush.
But when the last yarn is drawled,
But when that last ol' yarn is drawled,
“Good Night” prayer brings a hush.
A “Good Night” prayer brings hush.
© Cop

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6

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#4722997

Review of Huntress-prologue

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I like what you've set in motion here. The opening line arouses curiosity and makes the reader want to see what happens next. The character of Kayla seems engaging and of course we're going to root for the underdog. You've also made reference to some father/daughter tension. That's always a good plot line. The format seems okay to me and I don't see any egregious grammar errors. See my specific suggestions below for your consideration.

Another volley of laser fire flashed past the viewport close enough to glance off of the shuttle’s shields, turning them momentarily opaque. A proximity alarm sounded in her headset and Kayla Karson slapped violently at the controls to silence it.

The opening sentence seems too long to me. A period after viewport followed by 'It was close enough'?

And just to be nitpicky, laser beams don't show in the viewport unless there's a medium to disperse some of the light. I once did a science lab with lasers in a darkened room. The red beams were mostly invisible except for dust motes that drifted through the beams. Perhaps 'overloaded the viewscreen'?

“I can see that I’m being shot at. Don’t need it screamed at me too!” she shouted in frustration to the otherwise empty cockpit. She pulled hard over on the controls to evade, but the yacht was not designed for combat and responded like a Rycan slugfish. The maneuver only helped to put the ship more squarely in her pursuers’ line of fire. The shuttle bucked beneath her from another near miss.

evade fire?

Yacht and shuttle seem too different to me, perhaps ship instead of shuttle?

This is another fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into, Kayla berated herself. For a moment, she thought to turn her ship around, to face her attacker head-on, but she knew all that would accomplish would be her own death. The yacht’s shields were too weak. There was no way they would hold up against a full-on assault. So far her unknown assailant was firing to impede her progress and that was already causing problems. If she were to suddenly put pressure on whoever it was, the rules would change for certain.

Italicize thoughts when Kayla is talking to herself?

Another hit and the cabin rattled around her. Several banks of panels dimmed or went dark altogether. She thought she smelled smoke, but could not tell from where. Matt’s going to kill me for breaking his ship.

She rolled the yacht to one side, then hard over the other direction. The move backfired, her attacker anticipated the trick, laying fire along her path. There was a jolt as several shots made contact with the hull, followed by a loud whump, and a hissing sound coming from the cabin behind her. Another panel went from green to amber.

A sudden voice through Kayla’s headset confirmed what the amber panel was telling her. “Your life support is gone.” The voice sounded male, sounded human, but also like the speaker had spent its life gargling gravel, making confirmation impossible. “No sense in running any further.”

confirmation or identification?

“Who are you?

“You can either come with me willingly…”

“Who are you?”

“Or I can open your ship and carry you off after you’ve passed out.”

“Who are you?”

“Your choice.”

No point wasting my breath. Literally. This guy’s not going to answer. She weighed her options, of which there were not many. Running was out. She would deplete her air before she could get to the nearest outpost. Her attacker could easily run her down and disable the yacht’s drives, and she did not want to risk further damage to Matt’s ship.

'of which there were not many' sounds awkward to my ear.

Surrender was not an option. Her father had drilled that into her at a young age. Ironic that the very thing he instilled in me would come back to bite him.

me or her? Is this a comment or a thought?

Kayla cut her drives, making it at least seem that she was giving up while trying to formulate a plan.

Outside, the pursuer’s ship settled into attack position, weapons locking onto the viewport.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

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#4718137

Review of The Right Words

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Well done!

I'm a fan of traditional poetry with rhyme and meter and this seemingly simple effort provides both. The rhymes are natural, and the words describe an emotion that is often difficult to express. Poetry doesn't have to be abstract to be good. I think this is a good poem.

Keep writing,

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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8

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#4713035

Review of The Nature of Circadian Rhythms

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

I found this poem on Read & Review and enjoyed reading it. It's well written with a good structure and flow. There are a lot of strong images that evoke the disconnected feeling of being out of sync. I especially like the phrase "muffled mesh pattern".

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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9

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#4712921

Review of Barely Breathing

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

I found this poem on Read & Review and enjoyed reading it. The images and structure of the poem may help others to understand some of what you feel. We've helped our daughter in her struggle, and I can recognize a lot of her in what you've presented here. she's doing well now, and I hope you are too.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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10

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#4712559

Review of Creation Myths for Kids

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this story on Read & Review and enjoyed reading it. It's a fun version of the Norse creation myth that is well-suited for kids. I would suggest more white space, perhaps a blank line between paragraphs or a line spacing of 1.4.

Here are some additional suggestions (in bold blue) for your consideration:

The fire world and the ice world slowly, so slowly, moved towards each other - but the ice world was sad because it the fire world melted some of its ice, and it thought this hurt the ice, because it turned into water as it got close to fire. But soon the ice was happy, because this water turned itself into a giant!

They even made is his teeth into rocks!

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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11

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#4712357

Review of The Debt

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this story on Read & Review and enjoyed reading it. It's well written with realistic dialogue that evokes strong feelings. it captures the tension of right vs wrong, the bonds of family, and the obligations of gratitude.

The only thing I can suggest is that I would have liked a slightly different ending. Not that the ending is wrong, but I would prefer something along the lines of 'then they'll have to kill us both'. But that's just me.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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12

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#4712224

Review of Title:- The Dance of Time

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this poem on Read & Review and enjoyed it a lot. I like traditional poetry with rhyme and meter. This a good example. The thoughts expressed are inspirational and well presented. i especially liked:

In every breath, in every beat,
Time's rhythm echoes, soft and sweet.

The only line that doesn't scan for me is:

May we look back with heart undone

This line doesn't seem to match the general tone of the poem. I would suggest a word that means fulfilled or at peace rather than undone.

Overall, ths is a good poem.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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13

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#4712217

Review of Regrets Over Living

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this on Read & Review and enjoyed reading it. The story is intriguing and held my interest. It's a good chapter for inclusion in a longer piece. Your writing style is good and appropriate for the genre. The dialogue sounds natural to my ear. I didn't find spelling or grammar issues.

The body swap is a good plot device, but I found myself confused about the details. I think another sentence or two of explanation would help. The other guy would have to be either unwilling or suicidal to accept a dying body? And it's not clear to me which body is which:

Cor himself was growing depressed: he’d lost Reg, his tigra-ban friend, to a fornamite. The end result was that Cor got to keep his body (his friends body? the fornamites body?) and his life, but he lost his friend on a mission that was meant to pay off the priest who swapped Cor out of his dying body and into his new, more muscular body.

Here are some additional suggestions (in bold blue) for your consideration:

She smiled and shook her head. It wasn’t a pleasant smile. Her eyes gleamed in the dark, reflecting any (some) point of light from outside the open window.

Cor suddenly felt sick in his mouth. (a pang of remorse?)

Her eyes, no longer gleaming, looked hopeful and sad. and Cor felt his heart tremble at the thought that two tykes were out in the world and expecting him

Cor felt true despair. and he He had never missed and hated Reg so much in his entire life.

Overall, a good read.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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14

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#4711893

Review of A Day at the Circus

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

i found this piece on Read & Review and enjoyed it a lot. I can see why it was a Daily Cramp winner. Rachel is an engaging character. We can all relate to the 'bad morning blues' and the desire to join the circus.

I think the tone is just about perfect for the story and the ending works well. I didn't find any spelling or grammar issues. The only change I would suggest for the story is adding a circus-themed cover image.

I did find one nit for your consideration:

a light bulb popping on in the cartoon bubble over his head.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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#4711732

Review of A Sea of Words

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I found this on Read & Review and enjoyed reading it. There are a lot of strong images here that evoke your seafaring theme. My take on your poem is that inspiration is as vast as the ocean but as difficult to capture as a mermaid.

I especially like:

Sentences saved, or lost and sunk,
Wrecked on treacherous cliches.

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then cliche is the sincerest form of plagiarism.

I found a nit for your consideration. I'm not sure if the word 'biding' is a poetic choice, as in wait for my tale, so I thought I'd point it out as it may have been unintentional.

Biding (Bidding?) me to listen to the whispered tales,

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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#4710927

Review of Making Lemonade WC: 289

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this piece on Read & Review and enjoyed it a lot. It's well-written with engaging characters. The dialogue sounds natural to my ear. I don't see any problems with spelling or grammar.

My only suggestion is that the journey from beach to hotel could be expanded a bit. Perhaps the hardy senior citizens could be shown coping better than natives as the snow piles up. And at the end maybe they are off to search for a slope. I doubt Hawaii has Minnesota-style ski slopes.

Overall, a good read.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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17

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#4710925

Review of 'Abdu'l-Baha's Journey in America

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this non-fiction piece on Read & Review. The author gives a brief account of the Baha'i Faith coming to America. The information is interesting and presented clearly. I don't see any problems with spelling or grammar, but I would suggest a larger font.

I think this piece would benefit from another paragraph (or maybe three) to give the reader a sense of why this historical event is so important to the author. What impact does it have on their life. Also, I think The Prayer for America should be included instead of merely being referenced. As a daily practice, it should be given more emphasis to help the reader better understand Baha'i.

And here's a nit for your consideration:

Those 85 days were not consecutive, but interspaced (interspersed?) between trips to other parts of the United States and Canada.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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#4710919

Review of Meditation on Blue

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I found this on Read & Review and enjoyed it a lot. This is a lovely poem that describes the author's reverent regard for the color blue. There are a number of vivid images to evoke the different hues and the appreciation of blue infuses every line. I don't see any problems with spelling or grammar.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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19

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#4710720

Review of A Mirror's view, One Day and One Night

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this piece on Read & Review and enjoyed it a lot. It's an intriguing story that speaks to the tension of light and dark in all of us. The characters are engaging, and I was wondering if Ariel would prevail. I think it would improve the story if the curse were explained more fully, and Jason's part was expanded. He must be aware of the curse, is he also torn between guilt and lust? The ending is appropriate and leaves the reader wanting more.

I also picked a couple of nits just for you!

I offer these suggestions for your consideration:

At the end of the hall, as she reached out, and a long spark snapped from the brass handle of the door to her hand.

lit the hurricane lamp atop the credenza. Standing there in the amber glow of its firelight (flame?), the room came alive. Shadows danced as the windows revealed the last glimmer of dusk giving way to night. The mix of sunset and the lamps lamplight were was absorbed into the wallpaper, and the runic symbols imprinted upon it began to glow. Ariel stood before the mirror standing alone in the center of the room. It too, was adorned with mystic symbols carved into its wooden frame.

The women's images within and out of the mirror were complete opposites.

His palette palate craves the taste of my loins.

When the warm umber and yellows of the flickering lamp replaced the fading white blindness, it was Leira who pulled her hand away from the mirror.

The edges of Ariel's dark, wavy hair melding melded into the fog of shadows behind her and the high-necked white dress she wore stood in stark contrast to the cracked, web-tinted (tainted?), portrait of ancient regret.

their corners pulled them back into a tight thin line.

Leira closed the door and walked down the stairs. At their base, she adjusted the top of her bustier, then pulled up a gathered up of the hem from her dress and tucked its edge under her belt.

Overall, a good read.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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20

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14 days may be credited.

#4710692

Review of Love Hurts

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this piece on Read & Review and enjoyed it a lot. It's a fun story with good banter. The characters are engaging, and I liked the 'butchering' of the lyrics. That is a very relatable thing for the reader. The ending is appropriate and provided a smile.

My only suggestion is to use more white space and a larger font (the text is small for my old eyes). You might try a linespace of 1.4 to improve the readability.

Overall, a good read.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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21

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14 days may be credited.

#4710516

Review of Suborbital Flight

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

I found this piece on Read & Review and enjoyed it a lot. It's a fun poem with good rhythm and natural rhymes. The topic is easy to relate to, and the ending provides a smile. I liked your images, especially these lines:

Relaxed in semi-state of sleep
while very much awake

I also found a couple of spots that didn't sound quite right to my ear, so i offer these suggestions for your consideration:

Once, when I was running down the road
out in the countryside.
And when I felt the runner's high come on
I and went up for a ride.

I recognized the curve of Earth
and saw the glare of sun.
Within my mind I heard alarms,
but I was having fun.

I pitched head first and made to make descent
like spaceships heading home.
It then occurred to me my mind
had ample room to roam.

I also think the second to last verse could be improved, but nothing specific comes to mind.

Overall, this is a good read.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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#4710310

Review of NATURE

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a lovely piece that describes the author's reverent state of mind. A deep appreciation for Creation and Creator infuses every line. I don't see any problems with spelling or grammar.

The only suggestion I can offer is that you might add a cover image to help set the mood.

Keep writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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23

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14 days may be credited.

#4710307

Review of It's Too Late

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

This is a good piece that evokes the spooky uncertainties of quantum physics that began with the Manhattan Project. There was a minority opinion that the first A-bomb test would destroy the entire world, but they went ahead anyway. This story shows what might have happened if the minority opinion had been correct.

Your story is well-written with good characters and natural dialogue. It held my interest to the end, and I enjoyed reading it.

I also picked a couple of nits, just for you!

Here are some suggestions for your consideration:

Despite being a man of his stature, if he hadn’t known this man’s title and job description, he would have thought him to be a ‘down on his luck’ type person. His manner of dress was disheveled, his clothes didn’t match, and he looked calm, but despondent. However, he sat in the folding chair looking off to one side, eyes fixed on a distant point, as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

“No, its it's fine. I’m quite sure I won’t need one.”

Osborn read from the rap sheet arrest report

and understood a little of the experiments being conducted

In the end, he won over a deciding majority

Keep Writing!

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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24

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14 days may be credited.

#4710295

Review of Work In Progress Giving You Difficulty

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!

This is a good piece that provides practical advice for writers who may be feeling stuck or unmotivated. I whole-heartedly agree with what you've offered. The only thing I'd add is a mention that oxygen can stimulate the brain. Even moderate exercise, such as taking a walk, can make a real difference. I also picked a couple of nits, just for you!

Here are some suggestions for your consideration:

Assess how your you're feeling

a smaller, bit-sized bite-sized finished piece

It It's all about getting to know yourself as a writer.

Sometimes those ‘need to do’ things can often get in the way of being creative.

If the writing it is not happening

Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

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14 days may be credited.

#4710123

Review of Anagrams - The Game

Review by Words Whirling ...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a great idea for a birthday celebration. I enjoy anagrams and play them on my phone every day.

I'm doing this as my task for the hot potato game. So, I'll limit myself to ten minutes and make words from "WDC Birthday Bash". I count 84 words in ten minutes.

Don't scroll down if you don't want to see my word list.

Wash, dash, cash, hash rash, brash, trash, trashy, warty, wart, war, way, dry, dray, wrath, bad, bat, bay, bar, bra, brat, bray, cat, cry, cats, cast scat, scar, arcs, arc, acts, act, yachts, yacht, chats, hats, hat, stay, say, thy, carts, cart, trays, tray, stray, rays, ray, harts, hart, tars, tar, arts, art, artsy crash, arty, star, rats, rat, darts, dart, drat, bard, drab, bath, baths, stab, tab, tabs, crabs, crab, cabs, cab, with, wish, thaws, thaw, why, what, was, saw, straw, swat.