Ha! I know this feeling all too well. Oh if only ambition were just an external thing that I could find and get on with my life!
I enjoyed the rhyme, it didn't take away from the content at all. I didn't get the impression that a few words were forced for the sake of rhyming; it seemed like the sing-song structure was just natural.
I love these moments of quiet thought (and coffee, of course). I love how you described sitting and watching the seasons change and pondering what that meant in your life. It's short but sweet, like a scene from a daydream. I wouldn't suggest that you make it any longer; I think the length is perfect.
I didn't see any grammar mistakes and I don't think there's anything you need to change about the piece itself.
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go and get a nice, steaming cup of coffee and ponder life, etc. Thanks for the peaceful read.
I enjoyed this story. I assume that you were aiming for an "ahhh" moment at the end, and that was a success. I will have to admit, though, that I was a bit confused when the girl began her story. I didn't understand how it was relevant. I imagine that a sharper reader would have caught on much sooner. Ultimately, I enjoyed the effect. Thanks for the read!
This was excellent. These are the stories that I came to writing.com to read. I'd like to offer some sort of helpful suggestions, but I can't think of any.
I love that the story is told in such a way that we know enough of the characters' previous interactions without knowing the full story. Really, the details are irrelevant. It's like the candle in the main room; we only need enough light to see the settings around the story taking place - our minds can fill in the shadows. Bravo, I can't wait to read more of what you've written.
Very interesting poll! I understand that it's a little older and I enjoy it all the more for that. I like to read answers over a length of time; I think it helps to understand the community as a whole better (does that make any sense?). As I'm very new here (3 days and counting), I love to read about what kind of people make up this wonderful site.
I answered "I write for my own enjoyment and love to hear all feedback" and I'm glad that I'm in such good company. It's also interesting to see how many authors at WDC are interested in becoming published. How exciting! Thanks for the poll - I enjoyed participating and seeing the results. Cheers!
What a beautiful short story. The imagery is perfect - I feel like I can see everything but I'm not bogged down by too many details. Honestly, I don't know how you could improve this; the presentation is flawless.
I know this feeling, I think many others do too. I know the haunting way that a memory like this stays with you and the way you can feel guilty for not feeling guilty. There's something so instinctual and primal and vivid in the memory and the telling of it.
I think that I read somewhere that you were thinking about taking this story down and I hope that you don't. I feel better for having read it.
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