Hi, Tigerlily, this story has a good idea .But,I feel that it needs working on the following points:
1.You need to elaborate what Annie doesn't like in NewYork-her experiences will make it more interesting...
2.the story needs some plot,some action ,some event that occured when Annie was in New York..
I hope this will be of some help to you.Keep writing
A very moving poem of a victim's trials in life.Indeed the mental scars on a young,immature mind remains unseen but have great repurcusions.I loved the theme and was happy to note that the poem ends in a positive note.Your use of a single word "Help" at the end of each para is very clever and has the desired impact.A good read,a well written poem.
A very sweet story,TigerLily.Theimaginative plot would definitely interest children and they would carry home a very important message too.Well Done and Keep writing!!
Hi, its a beautiful poem.The imagery is so vivid that i could actually visualize it.I loved the line in the kiss of autumn wind ......slow.If coupled with a backdrop of a cool and serene picture the impact would be tenfold.Looking forward to your other works.
Thank You.Elemenopy, for writing such a beautiful touching story.
You built up the story well,infact I was eager to know how it would end..
Your style,language is totally flawless.The message that comes through-
about jealousy and greed is totally relevant in today's context.
It was subtle,yet clear and not at allpreachy!Loved it!
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