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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/teachbcn
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Spark Within  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
It reads well.
I was not sure about the line - Oh, what a great mass!
The other lines focus on actions and memorable threes.
I am not sure how I would say this line - exasperation, awe, or anger.
Also, "Oh, what a great mass" has a softer sound than its rhyming twin in the first line.
In contrast I like lines such as "By the maker, I must face them" and the threes
such as "With blade, hammer, and arrow shot"
Thanks for a fun read
2
2
Review of Woven in the Dark  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I don't have much experience writing stories.

I really liked the imagery in the first four paragraphs/sections.
I also really liked the one line emphatic fragment paragraph segments.

I wasn't convinced that the later paragraphs were adding much and would have liked more concrete world building with tempting details to encourage me to ask questions about and engage with your creation.

In this prologue, you introduced the following characters: (Mirabelle and Eirwynn, her son, Gosse and the Order, Belenus, Cassius, the Ariels, Rowana and his Laurentinus friends and Damian, Clementine.

In this prologue, you have also told us about the following places: Laurentinus (I guess this is a city or a village), the True World, and Levigne.

In this prologue, you have also revealed that there is war or conflict, also magic, as well as a powerful, destructive figure.

This feels like a bit much, yet I am struggling to imagine who these people are. Ok - except for Mirabelle - her voice is really clear.

In short, I liked the first four paragraphs the most because I felt grounded.
I want to experience the events firsthand if possible.

Thanks so much for sharing this. It was a fun read. I would love to see how you develop this.
3
3
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading this.
I have nothing to add.
4
4
Review of Shine Far  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the mood you create.
I like the language you use.
I think it could do with fewer articles.
Try reading it aloud.
Do you want it to scan?
At the moment, it sounds a bit wonky to me as the lines seem overlong.
Was this your intention?
If not, cutting articles might help it to fit a desired metre.
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