Very sweet poem, SVY. The short stanzas with rhyming couplets make it very easy and pleasant to read, with the nice and simple allusions to childhood bring it a naive energy. Good luck with your other work.
Hi purgewords, just read your poem through read and review. Noes to a bigger self does have some nice structure through rhyming at most line endings and expressions of self-worth like 'to proud to beg'.
I don't think some of the lines flowed well together rhyhmically, like 'i'm no religious ... how it all could be'. It just seems clunky.
Sorry for the criticism and hope you enjoy writing here
I know this was written twelve years ago but I have only seen it now.
Great poem, it flowed well and you seem to have thought about getting all the couplets.
A great deal of alliteration in this piece. I'm not sure if I'm reading it well at a philosophical lesson but this has made me stop a minute to think on 'being' at least.
I don't know if having it as a block was a choice, but breaking it up may make it easier to read.
I believe this is based on the real hurricane Manuel though I'm not sure how accurate what is described in the story, it is good to have some tribute to those that died. It's a bleak story, the sentences were too short, I think, which affected the pace and didn't allow the suspense to build as well as it could.
A nice little story, quite sad, I wish there was more background about Hugo to read.
The tone and description of the setting were strong points and the description of how a dog would 'see', or perhaps it's more apt to say, 'smell' the world is well done.
I thought this was a great little story, actually very sweet, it genuinely made me laugh. I hope you write more like this, the setup was also written engagingly, which even on a short piece is quite hard to do, a least I find.
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