Nice work here! Ryan and Emm (I assume Emily but I could be wrong so I'll stick with what was written) are fleshed out well. Myley is who is fleshed out the most, but that's because she's the focus. I love the work you did with this! -- 20 pts.
Plot(fiction) -- 20 pts
Nice twist! -- 20 pts Total 40 pts.
Pacing -- 20 pts
Good job, I like how most of the stroy was in the flashback. (i)-- 15 pts. Total 55 pts.(/I}
Spelling and Grammar -- 20 pts
Nothing noticable! -- 20 pts. Total 75 pts.
Creativity -- 20 pts
Idea slightly cliche, but perfect exicution! 15 pts. Total 90 pts.(/i}
POINT TOTAL: 90
90 / 20 = 4.5
RATING = 4.5
"Seven days 'till the wolves! Where will we be when they come? Seven days 'till the poison and a place in heaven." -- Nightwish Seven Days 'Till the Wolves
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You emotion flows from this piece expressevly. A grander work of metaphor is rarely seen. Great job -- 20 pts.
Form(poetry) -- 20 pts
Four stanzas, four lines each, pretty structured. In this case it works and I'm impresed with the work here. The rhyming scheme works as well! Great work here! -- 20 pts. Total 40 pts.
Pacing -- 20 pts
Slightly rushed... but that's more from the format and the need to squeeze so much into your format then what was easily controled. It might be better to hold off on your speaker's realization until the fourth stanza. It's possible that your speaker made the realization as early as the second stanza. -- 15 pts. Total 55 pts.
Spelling and Grammar -- 20 pts
Great use of metaphors and rhyming! Nice job! -- 20 pts. Total 75 pts.
Creativity -- 20 pts
my guess is that this is about a soldier from the Iraq war? I may be wrong but if I am right than this is a very touching piece. Excellent work none the less! -- 20 pts. Total 95 pts.
POINT TOTAL: 95
95 / 20 = 4.75
RATING = 4.5
"Seven days 'till the wolves! Where will we be when they come? Seven days 'till the poison and a place in heaven." -- Nightwish Seven Days 'Till the Wolves
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I discard my normal structured review to comment on this writting without a full, formal review. My reasoning is simple, I live in a small town about thirty minutes north of Syracuse and I couldn't escape this tragedy on the local news. I'm deeply touched by this event and I wish this was just another piece of fiction that someone tragically came up with and decided to post their horrific story in tragedy contest to win themselves a merrit badge and some gift points. This is not the case and to see such lives cut short is a curse that I hope no one has to deal with.
I hope you find comfort and solitude in the times to come. Keep writing and god bless.
Good work fleshing out the characters. They defanitly jump from the words and into the mind effortlessly. -- 20 pts
Plot(fiction) -- 20 pts
The battle against a true enemy works well as a plot. Without giving too much away in a public review I have to say that your twist was interesting. You have a great opening hook too. -- 20 pts. Total 40 pts.
Pacing -- 20 pts
Nice and medium pace here, nothing out of expectations. No poor transitions... goor work here! -- 20 pts. Total 60 pts.
Spelling and Grammar -- 20 pts
Ok, most of your grammar is all right, but there is a few spots I want to address. The paragraph with the dialogue between Ranlth and Drayth needs to be broken up. Each new speaker needs a new paragraph. Also, you have a confusing choice of words at the start of the penultimate paragraph:
That death had led him to this fight, the ultimate battle between the one responsible for those deaths.
Between... between what? Obvioulsy the full answer is found out at the end but without knowing the ending the wording is confusing. I sugest changing it to against. Much more consistant. -- 10 pts. Total 70 pts.
Creativity -- 20 pts
Nothing wrong here! Creativity flows throuought this piece. -- 20 pts. Total 90 pts.
*blink* Wow... what a tale of conflicting emotions. Your choice to express these emotions in prose was a very good one, as I can't quite envision this in poetry. I love the declaritives you used at the end of the penultimate paragraph, but you used commas instead of periods to seperate them. I'm not sure that's quite correct...
But like I said, I love them! They show just why your charecter was aprehensive about the house without getting into the... details.
... An interesting start to what should become an interesting novel. So we have a gang leader, attacked by a werewolf. Said gang leader is gathering his troops, and he informs a priest who seems to be suffering from some afliction (odds are he's a werewolf himself) who can't touch Holy Water without a burning feeling. Interesting...
I'd be interested to read more if you have any more.
Hmm... I'm intrigued to dee if this story has any more to it. The characters seem young, like early teens type young. Fae seems like the cute tomboy type (I've always had a thing for tomboys...) I'm aware you said this was a character devlopment piece, but I'm wondering what type of setting you have this as. Modern Day? USA or other first world country? What are the 'haunters'?
Ok, you have a good start. Is this a start to a short story, or a novel? You didn't make that clear. My guess it that Mark and Sarah are old flames from high school? And when they see each other at some point... we rekindle the flames so to speak?
I'd love to read more of this story, as it intrigues me even in this incomplete, beginning state. Please let me know when it's close to completion (unless this is a chapter to a novel, in which I want to know when the chapter is complete )
An interesting piece here. Eve having an afair... The whole Bablyon angle. The story itself is intriguing.
I would do a read through and check for capitilization errors. I saw a few of them and I'm sure if I were to read through it with a fine tooth comb I'd find others.
I would be interested to read more... thank you for sharing this piece and I hope you continue this story.
Ouch... what a way to express heartache. Your writing expresses all of your emotion and desire, heartbreak and sorrow. In pieces such as this I don't like to criticize for lack of creativity. The point of people writing these types of pieces is to aid in the healing process and I think you got out a lot of negitive emotion in this piece. I hope you felt better after this piece.
(And if I misinterpreted this pice thinking that you were the heartbroken one... I appologize ^^;)
I do not give out 5.0's easily. This story, well researced and creative at teh same time, is something that caught my eye. I'm touched that you shared a small piece of history that I would probably have never heard otherwise. Your charactrers and descriptions were vivid and the entire pice was crisp. Very enjoyable!
Hmmm... interesting if not a bit conflicted. But that's in a good way. It is very interesting how everytime the speaker came towards the strange man he dissapeared, almost as if a ghost. Could this man be related to the speaker in some fasion? Overall, a thought provoking piece that is enjoyable as well.
Interesting... I'm ipmressed. Well you also used my favorite girls name as the title, how could I not like it an interesting piece if I must say, I would sugesst maybe a sequel? Or next time make it longer? I didn't see any glaring grammar or spelling errors, but I admit I wasn't looking all that hard. Keep up the good work.
Interesting combination of oppisites. Irony is a cruel blunt blade that slices through the toughest of situations with ease. And if you understood that, then you are smarter than me and I'm the one who wrote it. Very intrguing piece, I applaud your writing skills.
Interesting piece. I agree with some points, but other points go over my head, and that's a feat seeing as though Im' an English major. If what I understood is accurate, then you are saying that there is no way of attempting to conclude scientifically that God exists without contradicting yourself. I agree with that statement, but then again I may be wrong with how I understood your piece.
Iteresting, seeing as though I was friends with all of the drama club back in high school. I can't decide if this is written 'in character' or if it's you. If it's you I wish you luck, anyone can accomplish their dreams, you just have to work hard. If this is in character, you have a nice basis for a story here, one that I'd like to see fleshed out.
Very thought provoking... I'm impressed at this piece. The twist itself was something I wasn't expecting. The only thing I can find wrong is that you classified this as prose. There is a type of poetry called free verse that this resembles more. I always thought prose was parageraphs and storytelling. But really prose and poetry are what we, as writers, make it. Nice work!
<<This review is in exchange for a review from RisanF Review Shack>>
I'm interested in this series. You are correct in saying that this is etreemly anime biased. That's not a bad thing in it of itself, but I do have some concerns.
I noticed a couple of sterotypes that snuck in (or may be intentional) ant you may want to be careful about. And I'n mot really talking about Andy and company, because that's just too obvious. Tarah is who I'm talking about. If Tarah is the heroine of this story she's going to need to be more fleshed out than the "smart girl -- class president" model (which If this was set in Japan she obviously would be). However, you seem to have written more than this chapter so I may be being a little unfair. Overall an entertaining chapter and I hope youcontinue with earnest!
An interesting read here. Your emotion does find it's way through your words but it seems filtered for some reason. I'm not entirely sure what the problem is, maybe your form, maybe the lack of rhyming? I don't know but it seemes it could use more. Your phrasing is very good as well as your spelling and grammar. Interesting concepts aw well, but again the emotion is filtered for some reason.
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-- 20 pts Total 40 pts.
-- 20 pts.
An interesting piece here. Eve having an afair... The whole Bablyon angle. The story itself is intriguing.
I would do a read through and check for capitilization errors. I saw a few of them and I'm sure if I were to read through it with a fine tooth comb I'd find others.
I would be interested to read more... thank you for sharing this piece and I hope you continue this story.
I personally don't like one stanza poetry. It looks very blocky too me... -- 5 pts. Total: 25 pts.