I like this concept. It was well thought out, and I see the direction it took.
My biggest issue with it is grammatical. It's important to watch for run-on sentences, contractions, tenses and other structural conventions. There were a couple of typos as well. Perhaps it would be helpful to proof-read a bit more, or to find somebody to edit for you. Clean up those errors, and you're looking at a much more well-polished product.
Don't take the criticism too harshly though; content-wise, this is very nice. Emotional, but to the point. It makes me wonder who exactly the titular bottle is based on.
Heartfelt and honest, I like it. The progression from darkness and solitude to a surprisingly optimistic finish was nice, and the pacing worked. This is, in part, due to good usage of stanza separation and the repetition of the phrases involving, "broken strings" which makes the title quite fitting.
My only criticism is that the tense switch from stanza three to stanza four made me do a double take, which hurt immersion in the poem a little bit. Other than that, very nice work.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/spunkmaster6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:20pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.