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Review of I Don't Belong  Open in new Window.
Review by Robin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
That's quite good. You really portrayed a very universal character, since you never specified the gender of the character except in the introduction. Your character is very relatable to, because he's very simple and there's someone like that in all our lives, and some of us will become like him.

On the downside, I don't like your rhyme scheme. It's very simple, and I know some people like rhyme, but it's one of my pet hates unless it's pulled off really well. Unfortunately, it takes an awful lot of talent to make a very good rhyme scheme. I also though a couple of your lines were a bit random. "I am a pirate" was a little out of place, that could have gone better with the metaphor about his hair. The part about the bowel movement? That was a little unecesary. I didn't really need to know that much.

Overall, there are a couple of changes you can easily make. Just switch around a couple of lines, improve the rhymes, and maybe even think about using enjambement.
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