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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sphericalxs
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70 Public Reviews Given
208 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi revdbob,

Congratulations! Your poem has been selected as a winning entry in the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..


"This exquisitely musical poem is a true delight. The image it presents is vividly evoked with marvelous language and stays with the reader like an afterglow."


Your Merit Badge should arrive by tomorrow evening. Please let me know if you would prefer the gift points before I order the Merit Badges.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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2
2
Review of Letters  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Eliot,

This is a very nice poem. I especially like the language—classic poetic verse. I have a couple of minor suggestions, but please ignore them if you don’t find them helpful.

The second line of the first stanza is the only one written in dimeter, and it sounds too short to me. May I be so bold as to suggest the insertion of the words “the ones” before “which.” Please don’t take offense at my suggestion for changing your beautiful phrasing as this is probably only a matter of taste.

Also, it seems to me that you may have taken what was originally the last stanza and split it into two. For me, it would read nicer if these last two stanzas were combined into a single three-line stanza.

Still, this is beautiful verse that is a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing it.

Peace, Love, and Pillaging,

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Your Port has been Raided by the Unofficial Pirates
3
3
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Wild Thing,

This piece conveys your feelings and emotions very well. The subject is one that can be related to by all and is very common in literature. As a matter of fact, nearly every writer has touched on unrequited love at one time or another; the reason is probably because of the intensity of emotion felt. You convey this very well.

My only caution is that it doesn’t read like verse to me. Re-punctuated, it could be a passage lifted from a well-written novel. And, I believe it would actually read better. It contains few of the elements that distinguish verse from prose, and where it does, they tend to be applied in ways that would enhance the prose. For example, the metaphor of a leaping heart and the alliteration of “I haven't whined or wept or been jealous..” These elements are applied with a light touch, so they would not be distracting in a prose passage.

Let me emphasize again that this is well written. In my opinion, it would read better as a passage, rather than attempting to present it as a poem. Write on.

Peace, Love, and Pillaging,

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Your Port has been Raided by the Unofficial Pirates
4
4
Review of A Day Spent  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations! Your poem has been selected as a winning entry in the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

"This is a stunningly beautiful poem, which touches the reader with imagery that does not need rational analysis to convey its meaning. Impressionistic verse that delights."

Your Merit Badge should arrive by tomorrow evening. Please let me know if you would prefer the gift points before I order the Merit Badges.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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5
5
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Congratulations! Your poem has been selected as a winning entry in the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

"A flawlessly executed melding of language, mood, message, rhythm, meter, and rhyme. The expertise shown in this polished verse is awe-inspiring to read."

Your Merit Badge should arrive by tomorrow evening. Please let me know if you would prefer the gift points before I order the Merit Badges.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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6
6
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations! Your poem has been selected as a winning entry in the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

"This is beautifully crafted verse that is highlighted by skillfully executed rhyme. Very pleasant to the ear and psyche."

Your Merit Badge should arrive by tomorrow evening. Please let me know if you would prefer the gift points before I order the Merit Badges.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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7
7
Review of Natural Pearls  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations! Your poem has been selected as a winning entry in the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

"Short, beautiful, and very poetic. This poem is its own masterpiece."

Your Merit Badge should arrive by tomorrow evening. Please let me know if you would prefer the gift points before I order the Merit Badges.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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8
8
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Congratulations! Your poem has been selected as a winning entry in the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

"While this piece could be considered prose by some, many great poets have used this style over the years. See H. W. Longfellow’s translation, “The Children of the Last Supper” for a well-read example from the nineteenth century. The gracefully elegant imagery and tone of this piece allows it to take its rightful place among these selections."

Your Merit Badge should arrive by tomorrow evening. Please let me know if you would prefer the gift points before I order the Merit Badges.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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9
9
Review of African Violet  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Kathryn,

Welcome to writing.com! I hope you enjoy it here.

Speaking of enjoyment, this is a wonderful poem. I truly enjoyed reading it. It is succinct and the anthropomorphic message of the flowers creates a clear and moving image.

It is so nicely done, that a single small misstep (in my opinion) sticks out like a sore thumb (I try to save my cliches for reviews *smile*). In the first line of the second stanza, the words "the window" are redundant They are evident from the rest of the sentence. This redundancy is very noticable in such concisely crafted verse. They also unnecessarily lengthen the line. Removing them brings this line back to the general meter and rhythm of the rest of the stanza. While I like changing the meter up in this type of verse, and it would be fine to do so at this point, I think waiting in this case adds impact to the longer line that later opens the third stanza.

This is just my humble opinion; please ignore it if you don't agree. The bottom line is that this is nicely crafted verse that is a pleasure to read. I look forward to reading more of your verse. Write on.

Peace and Love,

Spheric

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       NULLUM GRATUITUM PRANDIUM –so bring a sandwich.
10
10
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi David,

I found this in the comedy newsletter. I like your style and tone here. It is entertaining reading.

My grandfather came over from Italy, so pasta is my soul food. Along with veal (butter and olive oil) and prodigious amounts of seafood (more butter and olive oil).

Hmmm... That reminds me; I wonder what's in the fridge.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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11
11
Review of River Spirit  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Wolf,

I found this verse on The Review Request Page. You mention that it is the final installment in a series of verses. I have not read the series, so I will be commenting about this piece on its own merits (in my humble opinion) as a stand-alone piece.

First, let me commend you for completing a series of verses; that is an accomplishment that I have not personally attained. Also, there are many things that I like about this particular piece. The rhyming scheme is unobtrusive and pleasing, at least to my ear. You continuously change the meter of the lines, but in a way that I find very enjoyable to read. This is nicely done.

There are a couple of areas where I feel you might make some improvement, though. For example, the third stanza is extremely weak in my opinion:

Your laugh is so charming,
That what I felt was alarming.
New feelings surged through me,
More powerful than ever before.

It starts out just okay (more on phrasing below), and then slides downhill, saying nothing other than, “I have these really strong feelings.” What feelings? It is not enough to say, “My emotions are really intense” and leave it at that. As a matter of fact, it is much better to show us your emotions, rather than telling us about them at all. Use imagery. If you can, make me feel the emotion you wish to convey, and then I will know it completely. Otherwise, I have nothing to connect to, and the words are just…well, words.

The other thing to be aware of is common or clichéd phrasing (something I have a problem with myself). I’ll just cite one line, by way of example:

Eyes of blue, and cool as water.

“Eyes of blue” is a common way of phrasing this. It reminds me of a song that you are probably too young to know. How about (please excuse me for mangling your verse):

Eyes blue, and cool as water.

Or some such. That may not be much better, but I hope you take my point. You have a great sense of meter, rhyme, and rhythm; I’d love to see you bring the words up to their caliber. Anyway, these are just one man’s opinions and meant to be constructive. Get other opinions— they may differ greatly from mine. And keep writing.

Peace and Love,

Spheric

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       NULLUM GRATUITUM PRANDIUM–so bring a sandwich.
12
12
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi revdbob,

In a word, wonderful. This is extremely fine verse, as strikingly artistic as the piece it commemorates, which should be very familiar to anyone with a passing knowledge of great art. The descriptive images of the piece you describe—The Old Guitarist I believe it’s called—are interwoven so well with the introspective dialog that the whole effect is one of sublime beauty. Very, very well done.

It is possible that this is not the first verse inspired by Picasso’s great painting. Many believe that Wallace Stephens penned an entirely different verse and message, The Man with the Blue Guitar after viewing it.

Thank you for sharing this truly beautiful verse.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
13
13
Review of Naked  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi kristen,

Welcome to Writing.com. I found this verse on the Read a Newbie page. I really like your style; it’s conversational, yet full of descriptive imagery. The piece has the tone of someone gossiping with a close friend. This makes the reader comfortable, so they will follow wherever you choose to lead. Very nicely done.

I stumbled slightly in the next to last line. I believe it is the word “only” that tripped me up. Is this word necessary? I believe you may be trying to convey that it is you who knows she is exposed rather than her, but I’m not sure. Maybe a little rephrasing would help here, since your meaning is not entirely clear, at least to me. This is a small point, however, in a very enjoyable piece.

Thank you for sharing your talent with us. I look forward to reading more of your work. Write on.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Doris,

Very well done. I don't believe I have every seen misdirection used so effectively in writing. This very short piece should be used as an example in every textbook. Surprise endings have such impact, and you have mastered the craft with this marvelous piece. Great job. Write On.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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Review of A Day Spent  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Nancy,

This is quite lovely. The message was somewhat enigmatic upon the first reading, but became much clearer as I reread slowly. The imagery is strikingly beautiful and the gentle flow adds a sort of pastel feel to the piece. I love these lines and the image they invoke:

Lovers were easy and shy, shaggy in
gracefulness, ennobled in
illusion’s dressing and
single flashes on a frame.

Keep it up. Your words are magic.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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Review of My Little Joke  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi eiratan,

Nice try. You created a poem that you wished to use to show that the members of Writing.com don’t know what they are talking about when reviewing poetry. You then trot out the reviews you received to prove your point, which is: “I intended for this to be crap, and since most people did not recognize it as crap, then they don’t know what they are talking about.” I have some observations to make.

First, this is not the only time this has been done. I remember pieces being completely generated by computer algorithm (that therefore, were nonsensical) winning poetry contests and even being accepted for publication in small literary magazines over twenty years ago. So, the phenomenon you profess to have discovered is not unique to Writing.com. It is universal. If you wish to explore this phenomenon deeper, a good place to start is by googling “computer generated poetry”. You may also wish to explore the poetic genre known as “Flarf”. See http://epc.buffalo.edu/authors/bernstein/syllabi/r.... Much of the underlying principal has been used by Benjamin Franklin and others in a different arenas. See http://www.physics.nyu.edu/faculty/sokal/lingua_fr... for a brief description of the Sokel Hoax. You might also find this blog of interest: http://www.imaginaryyear.com/raccoon/2004_04_01_ar....

The second, and main problem in my opinion, with your presentation is that your poem isn’t “crappy” enough. The meter and flow are good. You create powerful images through the use of metaphor and oxymoron that can’t help but have an effect on the psyche. In the absence of any overall “meaning”, the human mind will create one perforce. That is its nature. Your conclusion that people don’t know what they are talking about is just wrong. They do, and they have for the most part expressed themselves very well in the listed reviews. Many even professed that they did not fully understand the piece.

I believe that you have not set up your experiment very well. You have not researched enough, your “test verse” is not sufficiently bad, and therefore, your conclusions are bogus in my opinion. Your writing style, however, is clear, concise, and well developed.

In my humble opinion.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
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Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Nancy,

I don’t often review poetry praising the Almighty since, like poems written to a lover, they are usually very personal in the way they describe the author’s relationship with God. And, like poetry to a lover, it would be a very unusual circumstance if the verse were to present a unique perspective. That is rarely the motive for writing it. I, therefore, will not comment on content; I assume that you know what you want to say to God.

As to form and technique, I do have a couple of humble suggestions, though. There is one stumbling block that is difficult for the reader to overcome. It is the change in meter in the middle of the third stanza. You have established the four-footed iambic meter of the first ten lines so powerfully and skillfully that when the reader reaches You send courage to my heart they are brought to a halt. You then continue with the new seven beat meter right through the next stanza. If you wish to change the meter like this, I would suggest changing the line to something like You send me courage for my heart (you can probably come up with something better). It is easier for the reader to make the change in the next line, where the normal accent of the word “accept” helps establish the new meter. The change of meter again in the last stanza is unobtrusive and flows quite nicely.

One other very small thing is the semicolon at the end of the next-to-last line. You have chosen to use minimal punctuation throughout the rest of the poem, and I’m not sure you need any here. If you do wish to establish a pause here, I would suggest that a comma or dash might be more grammatically appropriate.

Anyway, I actually like this piece so I thought I had better mention that. The rhyming is unobtrusive and your word choice adequately conveys the message. Write on and please continue your excellent poetry reviewing. Few reviewers of poetry have your insight. I hope my humble suggestions have been helpful to you.

Peace and Love,

Spheric
18
18
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Boowriter,

I found this extremely powerful piece on the “Read a Newbie” page. The emotion it evoked was truly compelling. You have created an eloquent tribute through the use of vignettes, detailing the lesson learned from each experience. The repetitious opening of each paragraph with “I remember…” creates a soothing and somewhat wistful tone while drawing the reader on. Your relaxed description of each incident gives the piece a laid-back feel that is belied by your deep understanding of the significance of each individual story. Remarkable. I truly enjoyed this piece. Thank you ever so much for sharing it. Write On!

Peace and Love,

Spheric
19
19
Review of Breaking Free  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Boowriter,

Welcome to Writing.com. I found your portfolio on the “Read a Newbie” page and I am pleased that I did. Before I start, you need to give this piece a content rating. I suggest “ASR” due to the extremely mild expletive you use. See "Content Rating System (CRS)" Open in new Window..

I read your other piece first, and a review is coming, but when I finished reading it, I clicked on this because I like to review poetry. What a wonderful surprise. I love the way that you intentionally break the “rules” to make your point. If anyone needs an example of how to creatively do what is usually frowned upon, this is it. You establish a rhyming scheme, meter, and voice that you completely ignore after getting well into the piece, proving there are no “rules”. Only what works. Well done.

Since I have no defensible way to make suggestions on how to improve this piece, I must rate it higher than I would have if it had continued on its original course. That is kind of a left-handed compliment, I guess. But, anyway, I was delighted by your poem. Write On!

Peace and Love,

Spheric
20
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Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Cubby,

This is wonderful! I don't think I've ever read a better or more appropriate St. Patty's Day limerick (double limerick, I guess). Thank you so very much for brightening my day with a much appreciated chuckle. Write On!

Peace and Love,

Spheric
21
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Review of helping hand  Open in new Window.
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, kyks84,

Thanks for filling out your Bio Block. Looks great. It's kind of a biggie around here. I guess people like to get an idea of whom they're "talking" to. Well, here's the first of the promised reviews.

This is a nice little piece of "flash" fiction. I enjoyed reading it. It's funny how such a small thing can change your perspective, and you have captured that extremely well with the tone you convey.

I have a few suggestions. First, it is easier to read text on a computer screen if there is more "white space". You should double space between paragraphs to make it easier on the reader. More people will read your work and you will get more reviews if you do. Also, be careful about capitalizing the word “I”. There are several that are lowercase that should be changed.

This sentence is a little awkward:

Another day at this boring college, I have to drag my self out of bed to get to.

I would suggest rewriting it. Perhaps:

Another day at this boring college, and I have to drag myself out of bed to get to it.

Or something like that.

Introductory words, phrases, and clauses should have a comma after them to separate them from the main part of the sentence. Some examples:

As I dress, I think…
As I walk, I ponder…
Finally, I reach…
As predicted, the old man…
After what seemed like an eternity, the bus…
All at once, I was…
As I got off at my stop, I waved…


I put on my scarf on and… Delete one of the words “on”.

…tell him that for the 4th time I… “4th” should be “fourth”.


Well, I have given you a few things to look at. I would add one more suggestion. I noticed a few more little things though the piece, such as using “then” for “than”, “where ever” for wherever, and so on. These are annoying to the reader and may cause them to stop reading if they encounter too many. Certainly, it is understandable if a piece has a few typos and errors when first posted. We all make mistakes. But, the fewer the better. If you really take the time to go over the piece, you should be able to catch most of them. It shows respect for your audience and greatly enhances your writing if you put in that extra effort.

Anyway, welcome to Writing.com. I think you will enjoy it here. I have found the other readers and writers to be universally helpful and encouraging. I hope you find the same. You show talent in your writing, and with a little bit of elbow grease you should be producing wonderful tales. Write On!

Peace and Love,

Spheric Author IconMail Icon

NULLUM GRATUITUM PRANDIUM -so bring a sandwich.
22
22
Review by Spheric Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the time you took to place this here. Mostly common sense and common courtesy, but you went out of your way to point out a lot of things that might not be obvious to all. As a newbie here, I am beginning to like this sight more and more.

Spheric Author IconMail Icon
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