Dear Jungurait8,
I like how the story plays on, but I found quite a few tempos, for example you said " He checks were red and for the rest of lunch he did not say a word. He hated being embraced like this, but this is exactly what Jack wanted." It should be "His cheeks were red and for the rest of lunch he didn't say a word. He hated being embarrassed like this, but this was exactly what Jack wanted."
To make sure there are no tempos print a copy of this paper, then give it to different people and ask them if they see and tempos, and fix the changes.
I like the story, and how you made it seem really realistic. Keep up the good work!
Maddie
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